To think children's development is hampered by excessive fear of paedophiles

[ReallyTired]

Children have far less independence than they used to. Most primary school children do not walk to school by themselves or have opportunities to play out.

We're more aware of risks now. In the seventies you'd be left outside a pub while your parents got pissed. It would be seen as neglect if you did that now.

In my area, over the past couple of years there have been incidents where children have nearly been taken. Including one in a school playground.

It's a shame that our kids don't get to play out like we used to, but I'd rather mine are safe.

where I live I see kids walking to school every day, even little ones, they pass our door. we see kids going to the shops and they play out as well at many of the parks around. don't see them playing on the street so much but that's because there is so much traffic.

Kids play out near me. And walk to school. OP you are right that people are worried about paedophiles but the risks haven't increased to kids. We just know more now. Traffic IS an issue though.

Er how did you come to this conclusion op?

Dc don't play in the street because of traffic. They walked by themselves to school from yr 5- anything younger , given we're in a busy town would be unwise.

The world is different now. I think as parents people are doing what ever they can to protect their child. There have been cases in the past few years of children taken outside their own homes. Yes few cases but it still happens.

Another kind of cocooning, but I think just as bad, if not worse, is children having everything done for them and not being taught life skills.

A shocking number of children get to eighteen without being able to cook a basic meal, use a washing machine or iron etc. Risk assessment doesn't even come into this.

You seem to be working on the basis that the reason children don't play out is fear of paedophiles.

That is not always the case. Actually, as a (former) city dweller, I think it's rarely the case.

The main reason being traffic.

But also risks from interactions with other (perhaps older) children, of mugging (whether violent or just straightforward nicking of phone) and from gangs.

do they have less freedom? and do you know it's because of fear of paedophiles?

Cars are my biggest worry - my littlest can't walk to school as we moved and it's too far but she plays out and has done since she was 6 - with her mates in a little gang

A friend of mine was one of 5. They all happily walked to school by themselves from a very young age.

As adults they are well adjusted, independent people.

Well the three that made it to adulthood are that it. Two of the siblings tragically died in two seperate car accidents on the way to school.

So, although I do sympathise OP, and think it is a shame my DC won't have the level of freedom I did, I think it's on balance a good thing that we're more protective of our DC these days as the bottom line is more will make it to adulthood.

I'm a teacher in a secondary school and the other day I asked a pupil why she'd given up guitar lessons. Her reply was that she didn't like being in a room alone with a man (even though the department is buzzing with people 24/7).

No idea what to make of it. Is one-to-one teaching going to become a mad thing that we used to subject our kids to?

hmmmm I would hope most teachers wouldn't be quiet so dismissive of that statement - I'd certainly be trying to get behind it to check she was okay

If she doesn't like to be in a room alone with him, that's her right surely?

Oh, it is not just paedophiles, but personally, I don't want feral children. I utterly hate this reminicising about the good old days when children were chucked out from dawn until dusk!

If she doesn't want to be in a room with him, then the school needs to act to ascertain what the reason is. So a tactful conversation with the pupil, and also a call to the tribal memory to see if anyone else has shown an aversion to him (pattern of behaviour).

Or perhaps it is just one of those things. If she doesn't like him, she may be better off with a different teacher; failure to gel happens all the time.

If the girl is anxious about ever being alone with an adult, even in the reasonable safety of a busy department (windows in practice/tuition room doors?) then that will also need to be tackled, but it's quite a different scenario. And may have roots in earlier experiences which are nothing whatsoever to do with the teacher, but triggered by the circumstances.

I certainly didn't have a feral childhood where I was kicked out from dawn till dusk.

I don't see how someone could raise a child whilst kicking them out between dawn and dusk myself

I don't think anyone recommended the dawn to dusk neglect method though did they?

I'm a teacher in a secondary school and the other day I asked a pupil why she'd given up guitar lessons. Her reply was that she didn't like being in a room alone with a man

I'd be more interested in the reason why this is rather than just dismissing it.

As I see it, why would she want to prevent someone she loves doing what they want, as that is surely only going to go one way?

This ^^

I'm not sure it's fear of paedophiles though, it's more around increased traffic.

I'm keen to give DS 9 as much appropriate freedom as I can so I let him deliver letters to the postbox down the road, he's allowed to walk to the shop half a mile away with his friends ( who usefully are a couple of years older) and play around the street within limitation.

He's clearly not given as much as I was when as a child aged 3, I was allowed to visit my friend on my own who was about 20 doors away, or age 6 when I was spotted cycling on the highway as I hadn't been told not to. Or DS who went youth hostelling with his pal aged 13 ( they set fire to the youth hostel by accident). But then it was the 70s/80s.

I think what has changed is that everyone now seems to think they have a right to judge everyone elses parenting decisions. If,god forbid, something happened to DS on the way back from the shops I've no doubt that my parenting ( probably not DH's as he's a Dad and therefore less of a target) would be dragged through the mud. So when I'm considering how appropriate options are for DS I also try to consider how it would be viewed.

It's ignorant to presume to know what goes into any parent's decisions regarding appropriate freedom for their cc. It's no one's business to cast aspersions on their reasons for safeguarding. They and their cc have to live with the results of failure to keep their cc safe. It wd be foolish to ignore what we know about assaults on cc. There seems to be a trend to ridiculing mention of paedophiles . Has it ceased to happen? Thought not.

Amarmai - ^there seems to be a trend to ridiculing mention of paedophiles*

You are quite correct.

I suspect it is because paedophile 'hysteria' often comes from the tabloids (Sarah's Law was originally backed by the News of the World) and this in itself is synonymous with not being hugely well educated. There's also an element of hypocrisy there of course - The Sun would largely denounce paedophiles and have a topless 17 year old on page 3.

Of course, it's true there's a lot of exaggeration, hyperbole and general silliness about the whole topic of paedophiles and paedophilia - 'evil' as a prefix for everyone ever convicted of a child sex offence; talk about 'hang them, bring back the death penalty' and vigilante action which again, we connect with those from a certain place in society.

Meanwhile, if you are middle class and you can sit back in your kitchen safe in the knowledge that your child isn't living on the same street as a sex offender, then you can give a tinkly superior little laugh to the hysteria about paedophiles, because, of course, you're so clever you can see through all the hysteria, can't you?

Horrible attitude.

I must be one of the few on Mumsnet whose DC are allowed more freedom than I had when I was young.

I allowed my boys to play out on the street (for maybe half an hour at a time) from the age of 8. I do watch them from my kitchen window though so I can see them. I allowed my eldest boy to go to the letter box to post a letter once he was 10 (a five minute walk away) He also walked to and from school on his own once he was in year 6 and I envisage allowing my younger boy to walk to and from school when he is in year 6 too.

I was not allowed to "play out" at any age when I was young. My Mum didn't want me to mix with "unsuitable" people When I was a teen I was told on a regular basis "Don't bother coming home if you get in trouble" (she meant pregnant) The fact that I was being sexually abused right under her nose by her husband/my father didn't seem to count though I try to give her the benefit of the doubt that she didn't know but I'm not entirely convinced.

Subsequently I find it very difficult to give my DC any freedom but I know that I must (age appropriate obviously) as it would be unfair to them not to allow them to have a normal childhood because of what happened to me but I do find it VERY hard. I can never totally relax unless my two DC are physically with me {nervous wreck emoticon}

I really don't like this harking back to the 60's/70's/80's as a golden age as to me it was an age of put up and shut up and a children should be seen but not heard mentality. I'm absolutely delighted that DC are more protected now and have more rights than they had in the past though there is still a long way to go.

I hope I'm not offending anyone when I say this but I truly believe that unless you have been the victim of childhouse abuse then you don't realise what a massive effect it has on your life and the way you parent.

to all on this thread who didn't have the childhood that they deserved.