To ask why I can't remember

[15Oranges]

First time poster here so please be gentle if you can

I have a memory from about age 8 of a family member who was visiting us coming in to my room. He sat on the bed where I was also sitting. Then I remember leaning back and a small bump to back of head on wal behind my bed. Remember leaning back but the bang was not painful or enough to knock me out.

The next thing I remember is him quickly leaving

But why can't I place the rest of the memory? Has anyone else had a similar experience?

it's because you hit your head...

Maybe there was nothing else to remember? You bumped your head he stood up and left?

What is this family member like? Is he somebody you trust? Could he have abused you and you have blocked it out? Was anybody else in the room?

Nobody else was there in the room but DM was in the house. DM came upstairs and I can remember the feeling of wanting to tell her something but I couldnt.

He was a distant relative. Would probably have been retirement age or not far off when he visited. I only saw him once after that and can remember having a feeling of dislike towards him

I am very wary of attempting to retreive the memory as I know this can be dangerous and potentially not reliable. This whole incident could be entirely innocent, it just bugs me that I cant remember. So just wondered if anyone has similar experiences

memory is a very tricky thing that can change as you try to remember. it is common to remember fragments of events and in the wrong order, especially from early childhood. Significant or unusual things stick in your memory better than ordinary things (like breakfast 2 weeks ago), but can still get jumbled up.

So don't worry about it - if there is no memory, it is almost certainly because there is nothing worth remembering.

Around that age, I was bitten by a dog. I can remember seeing the dog coming towards me, my next memory is of running into the house squealing. I don't remember actually being bitten.

What is it you want people to tell you about, exactly?

I suppose I am just wondering if losing a memory of part of an event is a common thing. it isnt something I have discussed with anyone in RL

It is possible to repress difficult memories.

Is there any other reason why you think you that incident was potentially abusive? Any other memories of that relative?

Of course maybe nothing happened. But I t sounds like there's something there which doesn't sit right with you.

AttrociousCircumstance Only other memory I have is of a family party when i was a teenager. This was the occasion I mentioned in first post where I had a sense of dislike for him.

I think I just find it odd that I have the beginning and the end but no middle if that makes sense.

I dont dwell on it often and I dont suppose there is a reliable way of finding out what happened (if anything)

THe only other thing I would say is that I was in my late 20s before I felt comfortable with physical affection from a man. My now DP was the first person I ever trusted to get close

It sounds to me like you want people to tell you you were abused.

You do understand that NOBODY can do that for you right?

I don't think it's unusual at all to remember things in pieces (eg to remember the beginning and the end but not the middle) when you were only 8 at the time.

I rode off a bridge when I was 11. I remember starting going down the hill on my bike, then being in the water 20 foot down. My mind has blocked the middle bit I think. Might be our brains blocking something that's traumatic. Might not be same for you though, it could just be the knock to the head that caused it.

nothing new yes I completely understand that and I genuinely am not looking for anyone to tell me anything like that. And I haven't gone looking for a way to remember because I am fully aware of how unreliable it could be. I did not mean to cause offence by posting about this. Trying to explain it to anyone in RL I think they would just think I was being strange or something! Have found it helpful to hear other replies that sometimes bits of a memory can not be recalled.

YY nothing

maybe because that's what happened - you banged your head mildly - focused on that for a nano second and he got up and left

No one can 'make up' a scenario for you

I don't think the op is asking anyone to make up a scenario for her.

But maybe she needs to ask for permission to explore the idea that she may have experienced abuse. Perhaps she needs encouragement to know that it's ok to pursue that line of thought. Why be so harsh with her?

OP it is possible something happened. You are more than entitled to begin thinking about what that might have been.

A therapist could help you explore this. It's obvious you had issues with men and intimacy and its natural that you should wonder about the origin of those feelings.

Maybe something happened, maybe it didn't, but you have every right to ask yourself about it and to ask for help and support, too.

Yes, I've had similar experiences. And I agree with PP that you can definitely ask for help and support and therapy and anything else you want! However, therapy doesn't necessarily help you remember more about those gaps, and I think that's probably for the best. If memories do emerge in therapy with a competent and ethical therapist, the therapist can help you deal with them. But even when we have gaps that we feel uneasy about, it's not necessarily in our best interests to go digging.

On the other hand, you can explore any difficulties you're having (or have had) with intimacy. And that can help more than attempting to 'recover' memories.

Hope you're ok, OP.

Atrocious circumstance thanks for your concern. I am ok. Appreciate everyone's replies