To think that actually, you can help who you fall in love with?

[Sallystyle]

This popped up in the cousin thread and I always thought that line was a bit of a silly one. This is not about the two cousins because I couldn't care less what consenting adults do if they are happy and not hurting anyone, I just read that line a few times in that thread and it always makes me cringe.

I don't think you can help who you are attracted to, but fall in love with? Surely you have control over that?

No, you can't help you fall in love with; loving someone isn't a conscious thing that you decide to do. You can help what you do about those feelings though.

How is it not a conscious thing to do?

You don't walk up to someone and just love them the second you look at them (except for your children and even then not always)

You have chemistry but that is not love.

but not everyone does follow their heart or are open about how they feel sometimes the situation does not allow it

or do they act on their feelings of lust

but those feelings can still be real

You cannot stop yourself falling in love but you can chose to do nothing about it that is true.

However, it is impossible to stop yourself falling in love in the same way as it is impossible to make yourself love someone. Both of those roads lead to unhappiness though that is for sure. The pain of undeclared love and the pain being in a relationship where there is no love shows how intense and real love is as an emotion.

I fell in love with my wife as soon as I met her and it was completely unexpected and overwhelming. It took her a lot longer to feel the same way but 30 years later we are still in love.

I don't know. I see on here all the time relationships that are blatantly impractical and unhealthy for those concerned, and yet the the parties involved are hanging on (against their own interests) because they love each other.

Or if you've been in the shit, feeling put down and ill-treated, it's terribly easy to fall (and I do mean fall) for the first person who shows you some kindness. You can say it's attraction or lust, etc. but when you're on the inside of it, the feeling is so overhwelming that it's easy to feel that it's love.

Sure, you don't have to act on it. But short of concussion or pharmacological intervention, there isn't to much you can do to stop feeling the way you do. I suppose you can spend your life living in spite of your feelings...

Also, you can't always control who you spend your time with. Walking away isn't always an option-- that's why so many relationships begin in the workplace.