To not want to throw my son a 1st birthday party?

[HodgePodge23]

My in laws know that I don't want to throw my son a party so they are trying to convince me to let them throw one at their house. I haven't explained the reasons to them but some of them are:
-I find gatherings to be utterly exhausting and I'm usually the one in the corner alone.
-my son will never remember the party
-he gets overwhelmed with too many people around
-their house isn't baby friendly so he'll spend most of the day miserable being held, as he can't really walk around at theirs
-I want to look back and have good memories of his first birthday as my postnatal period was pretty shitty (which my in laws contributed towards)

Because of this my partner and I were going to celebrate just us 3. I have asked if his parents want to come softplay for a couple hours on another day so they can wish him a happy birthday which they have agreed to. But they also want to throw their party for him and invite more people.

I have PND (which I'm getting help for), which is relevant as I'm still a bit vulnerable and being put into uncomfortable situations sets me back a few paces.

Would I be unreasonable to put my foot and say no?

Put your foot down, your plans sound lovely. We have a first birthday coming up soon too!

They just want to celebrate... If he's not walking yet, he won't get that much out of soft play either, will he?

YANBU.

Tell them that his 1st birthday celebrations will consist of X, Y and Z and that's it. If they got to see him on his actual birthday would that satisfy them?

He is walking. He loves to walk and crawl and climb. Their house is a bit of a death trap. Lovely for adults but crap for a baby.

Just tell them no. And don't take ds to their house. They can't throw the party without you and ds attending can they? Its up to you where you go.

My FIL is away on his birthday so we were going to go to softplay when he gets back. I also fear them us going round for a visit only to find its a surprise party for him even after me saying no. Should I explain my reasons to them?

Foot down! You will only get one chance to celebrate your child's first birthday. The memory is for you and dh. If you wish it to be just the 3 of you then it should be.

Tell them they can have the second birthday.

I think maybe a chat explaining why you don't want a party for him this year would be better for familial relations than a straight out 'no'.

Floggingmolly my girls didn't learn to walk till 13 and 14 months respectively but still enjoyed soft play at the crawling stage. In fact it was one of the few places they could be really mobile, as the floor is (usually, reasonably) clean and soft for crawling on.

Can they come to you to have birthday cake and presents when your FIL gets back? That way they feel like they're celebrating but you're in control. DS has just turned 2 and we've yet to have a party.

I was hoping to avoid telling them my reasons as they've called me precious in the past. I'll just be validating their opinion of me. Oh well, I might have to just get on with it.

Be brisk (and friendly) when explaining rather than apologetic. If they give you any 'being precious' shizz just give them a Paddington hard stare.

I'd go so far as to say that babies and toddlers get absolutely nothing out of the first 2 birthdays. It's more for the parents and family than for the little one. Just give them an explanation that you think they'll accept, and go along with the soft play plan. Maybe offer the opportunity for them to have a small celebration once your FIL is back. Then enjoy the day, just the 3 of you, reflecting on the past year.

YANBU. They're so unnecessary and you'll end up doing loads rather than enjoying your DS!

What part of the op saying no to a party does nobody understand - she doesn't want one so doesn't need to explain. 1 year olds do not understand parties.

is the risk him actually hurting himself or breaking their stuff?

I know she doesn't need to explain and in MN land people just bark 'yes' and 'no' at one another. But what harm is there in having a conversation with the in-laws?. Radical concept for some I know!

Just say sorry no ... keep saying it, you dont have to explain. You have already made other plans for them to join in, leave it at that. Turn down any unexpected invites ...

Its so shit when you have to do things to make others happy when it makes you utterly miserable.

Your reasons are perfectly valid but you don't have to explain yourself "oh, that's really kind but we don't want to do that" followed by "we just don't want to" will do.

Can you suggest a birthday lunch out somewhere? That limits it to 2 hours and due to space/costs, it will limit the number of people. And you usually end up chatting to the person next to you as opposed to having to mingle in a room full of people.

Your ideas sound lovely. He doesn't need a party. You and your dh might want to celebrate surviving together, but really that's enough!

My dd turned 3 this summer. She might have a party next year. If she's good