Which is rude(r): to be a waffler, or to be the person who asks the waffler to stop waffling?

[MrsBertMacklin]

Person at work who just keeps on talking and doesn't pick up on body language from other people that they are labouring their point / boring people, or when actually asked to keep their explanation/answers to questions brief and fail to modify whatsoever.

At my wits' end with said person who turned a two hour meeting into a three hour meeting in spite of being asked three times to just answer the question asked / be succinct.

I consider this as a form of rudeness / lack of consideration for other people's time, but: would it be even ruder to tell him straight on, before the next meeting, that he needs to find a way to self-edit as he is wasting hours of other people's time and that if he waffles in the next meeting I am going to be very blunt, in front of colleagues about the need for him to STFU?

Bearing in mind, I have already tried to deal with this non-bluntly, on four separate occasions?

Christ I know ref the self-awareness.

Woman in meeting today was pretty much snorting through her nose like a bull with frustration and glaring at him and still, he blethered on.

That picture's going in my file of handy JPEGs.

I work with someone like this.
I cannot bear it.....she takes a boring story and goes on and on and on making it even more boring.....

emotions in XH's case I think he's on the autistic spectrum.

MrsB will you come back and let us know how your approach works? I am watching with interest.

I've dealt with this sort of thing in my fair share of meetings, but my current problem is a waffler who comes and stands in the doorway to my office. She can waffle for England. So far I have found the most effective way of dealing with her is to immediately stand up and meet her at the door. Then I might only be caught for five minutes instead of the full 20

Tell him beforehand that there is a serious problem with him running over time wise and that he needs to keep his bit under 10 minutes. Ask him to use a presentation board and list bullet points.

Tell hi you will have to stop him regardless of how far through the talk he is

Can I just do a plea for being firm with him not in public. That's just humiliating someone.

The timer's a good idea, but warn him first. (and you can certainly be upfront and tell him you are doing it because it's important that the meeting is kept to time). You could be very PA and tell him it's because other people need to be keeping to time, and so he doesn't feel 'got at'.

Also, if he waffles, if the meeting has a minute secretary, it's totally appropriate to ask him to keep his responses to things the minute secretary can minute.

I chaired meetings for years where I KNEW what people were going to say before the subjects came up. I don't want to out myself, but it was a committee where people had specialisms, so if x subject came up, the person who knew about x would waffle on and on and if y then that person. And the person who had the 'hands on' role would talk about what it was like to be hands on, and the person who had historical knowledge would waffle on about the history, and the lady who lived at no 10 used to talk about what she could see outside her living room window! It was very tedious!

So shutting people down when they deviate is a good chair's action. Just keep bringing it back to the minutes. If they deviate you interrupt and say "and your point for the minutes is?"

Please keep us posted with how well this all works!

I would suggest speaking to the person outside of the meeting first. "X, before we go in I wanted to have a little chat. You've said before that you get "verbal diarrohea" so I wanted to discuss a signal to let you know it's time to wrap it up."

Or speak to the group in the meeting: "After we went over last week I think we should restrict each subject to X long. In the interests of allowing everyone to have a say though I'll let you know when we're approaching time so we can move on". Then you can just keep and eye on your watch and let people know when they're talking too long.

Or you could interrupt and say: "X I'm sorry to interrupt but we're running a little behind schedule so let's move on to [insert new subject]".

You don't want to appear to be a bully of X and it sounds like they've frustrated you to a point that you'll notice more when he does it and not everyone else so I do think it's important to try and be fair.

I think wafflers can be rude and it sounds as though you have given your waffler enough warnings. I think a direct instruction is the way to go.

Are you able to change the style of the meetings as a whole so that they are more managed by you rather than them being managed by the group. You non-waffly colleagues might not mind if it means waffley guy is dealt with.

Don't forget that your non-waffley colleagues might end up being annoyed with you for not dealing with it even though you have tried.

Interim update: I delivered the 'no waffling' mandate today, in person, covering:

Each section of the meeting is timed and this is going to be managed with no exceptions.
I've asked you a number of times to not digress in meetings and to succinctly answer question you're asked. You added about 45 minutes to this week's meeting for no good reason: a waste of almost 7 man-hours accounting for everyone in the room.
It's your responsibility to prepare each point so you're confident that you can cover your section in the time. I'm hoping you will do this and I won't need to cut you off.
Please consider all the above a mandate to self-edit / not waste time in meetings from hereon in.

It was actually taken very well and I was given an apology, but I will see early next week if he can actually improve... I also called his manager, who said he would sit next to him and kick him if he started waffling!

Oh, wow. You are well 'ard!

I wish I could do that MrsBert. I have a waffler at work but I am not his manager but a colleague. Its a shame really as he is a young lad and in a job he hasn't done before, so his waffling is trying to look like he knows what he is talking about, looking decisive and a strong team member and trying to impress.

He just waffles and doesn't pick up the hints. He turned a could have been a 15 minute meeting into a 45 meeting, such a waste of time. An example of his waffle is -

Person A - the envelopes we got are rubbish
Person B - yes, they dont stick very well
person A - hmm what should we do?
Person B - change supplier?
Person A - thats a good idea, we can look for someone else to supply them
Person B - ok, thats sorted then
Waffler - What i think we should do is look for another supplier, we should look on the internet to find a new supplier then write a strongly worded letter of complaint about the rubbish envelopes, we should tell them, we are a business not a charity, we are not giving them money for a rubbish service, i remember when i worked for X company, I would not have put up with such rubbish envelopes, we would have sent a letter that said X Y Z, so we should write a letter now, and in it point out that we have been a customer for 1 year and we are not a charity ................ waffle waffle waffle,

It is a shame really, he tries to come across as a go getter but comes across as a pillock.

I try not to be in meetings with him now, I think the manager was bored also, I caught him staring out of the window a few times.

A company I used to work for used a timer for our weekly updates. We all had 2 minutes to give our update before a buzzer went off.

It was quite a light hearted approach as it was a fun company to work for in general but originated from a real need to keep those meetings short.

It certainly worked, I always had a short list of bullet points to talk through and stuck to it.

Nicely done MrsBert, sounds like it was well received, let's hope your after meeting update is positive.

this thread has made me realise we have one of these in our fortnightly meetings - the meetings always go in the same order (everyone giving their updates etc.) one particular person always takes WAY more time than everyone else

I'm one of the last to go and always rush my bit as I don't want everyone else held up - timer would be lovely but I don't think they'd go for it

I'm glad you have been pro-active, OP. There is nothing I hate more than people wasting everyone's time in a meeting and it really depends on the quality of the chairperson.

Nearly forgot to update, sorry.

So far, a resounding success. Waffler hasn't changed his language and still starts to run on but - two meetings this week and I can see him paying very close attention to me and others to see if he should be quite IYKWIM?

He started to run on in today's meeting, I said, 'thanks NAME, you've answered the question' and he stopped dead.

So very pleased and no need for a timer. Hurrah.

If he tells you he has verbal diarrhoea tell him to take some verbal Dioralyte for it. You've got a meeting to run. Don't be embarrassed to say You've covered that already, Mike, let's hear from Sue now, please and if he's upset tha's JTB.

Nicely done! I'm sure everyone is grateful.

I know Michael Heseltine is not everybody's favourite round here but when he was a Minister all his meetings were held standing - and that included him standing - except one authorised (and silent) seated minute-taker. It kept them short.

Someone at work said to me (when I was trying to get them to finish their blethering) "sorry, am I boring you?"

Just. Get. To. The. Fucking. Point.