To worry about DS and friends

[Purplesky2]

DS is 8. He Has always been a bit of a loner by choice and doesn't like to just do what others do, for example he won't play a game just for the sake of it if he doesn't like it he will play by himself. He doesn't have any real friends as such. He seems to get along ok with most of the children in his class and flits about playing with whoever suits him. However this year he does have some boys at school that he wants to play with more than others but sometimes when I see them in the morning they seem unfriendly to him. I asked him about this and he doesn't feel this way or think that they are mean to him or leave him out, he thinks they are his friends. I have spoken to his teacher who has watched him at playtime and said that he generally plays with others. I have niggling doubt that these 3 boys leave leave him out but he denies this many times. I think I am projecting my own feeling of being left out and bullied when I was at school and hating it. However I don't have this worry about my other children but they are more outgoing like me and DS is an introvert. Am I AIBU to just have an awful niggling feeling about him but not know what to do.

In the kindest possible way, butt out. You know you are projecting.

I am a primary school teacher and I get a LOT of parents who approach me with your worries and fears, hell, I had plenty of them myself! .

Please back off as if you continue to ask him, you will plant the seed that there's something awry with his friendships and it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

If your wee boy says he's fine..he's fine.

Purples I feel the same way with my DS who us 7. Made the mistake of going by the playground there and he was wandering around on his own whilst the other boys were in a group playing together. It's a worry, he is quiet and shy which I was and I don't want to project my anxieties onto him but I can't help it. There have been a few issues at the school before. I've take him to clubs outside the school. Hope your DS is doing okay

You can't make your child be the child you want them to be or make other kids play with them.
Some children are quiet and do get left out but they do learn how to join in when they want to.
If your DS is not worried or anxious about it all then there is no need for you to be.
Your child won't feel the way you did - He is not you.

Some people are less sociable than others by choice. They would sometimes rather be on own than play or do something they dislike. Your d's could be like this. The good thing is that he sometimes plays with others, gets on with a number of different kids. There isn't maybe much you can do about this except encourage friendships when possible and promote clubs and activities where he might meet like minded people. I had a child in my class a bit like this and his parents were also v worried about him. We intervened and tried to buddy him up with people, tried to encourage clubs etc with little success. two years later and he has found his own way. He plays with a group of kids and seems happy. He is not v outgoing and is not one of the cool kids but he is happy in himself. I saw him at playtime the other day and was really pleased to see him chatting to another child, chasing around and generally just getting on. He has ended up finding these like minded kids by himself. Sometimes trying to engineer friendships is not the right way to go. Keep an eye on it but step back a bit as well.

My problem is (sorry to discuss my son again ) I think is my son is anxious about it as he has said things to me and his dad. He never gets asked round to other kids houses although I've asked other boys round to play (I know people are busy with work etc). Maybe I have to take a step back although when there have been issues with a couple of boys hitting him I've told the school and they have dealt with it.