Should everyone get on with their sibling?

[QuiteAnnoyed]

I like my sister, we're very very close in age and get on fine. Historically we've had a normal sibling relationship (quite bickery though) and I think this is to do with slight competition between us, choosing similar uni courses, having gone to similar school etc. We don't have the same friends but often have days out together with friends.

We live together now (temporary arrangement) and get on okay. She wants us to have sibling counselling so we can understand each other... I'm not sure I'm too bothered about this... I like her but we're not married nor best best friends. We're close but I would find it quite claustrophobic to have a "best friend" in the family circle I think, it's good to spend time apart and not get too overly involved with each other I think.

Who ibu?? Anyone had experience of this?

Thanks gotta

I'm still quite confused about what the sessions are going to be like though and how they could even help. I just keep thinking it sounds weirdly like "working on" a marriage, and all her intense stuff about us "communicating" actually turns me away. She sometimes sounds a bit OTT with her counselling speak. Eg if she misunderstands something I've told her about my plans for the eve or something, instead of just brushing it off and having a laugh or whatever, she flips out and yells about how if I was clearer in my communication with her, this would never have happened - "communication is everything QuiteAnnoyed!"

I just think there's a lot be said for a light-hearted, more chilled-out relationship, whereas she earnestly wants us to work through all our perceived faults

My sister & I have nothing in common and honestly I can't see us having much of a relationship after our parents die. I don't think that's a bad thing. If we were strangers we wouldn't be friends!

Thank you coffee, the weird thing is we've always been a little team and v bickery but close (I guess cos of the v small age gap). But I do know what you mean about not necessarily being as close if we were strangers. What's the age difference between you both?

Like I said Quite she seems to have issues that she needs to sort out. It doesn't mean you do. You being there may help her, but I think she is hoping the sessions will 'fix' whatever it is she thinks is 'wrong' with you!

Like you say - you are not her partner, it isn't a marriage but probably about the past. I really don't think you need to be there unless there is something you need to resolve in your own mind.

thanks, i'm glad my gut instinct was mainly correct and resonated with you

It sounds like she doesn't think you're making enough of an effort to 'get on' with her and wants to hold you 'accountable' for other stuff too....sounds like she wants YOU to take responsibility for what she perceives is a 'not good enough' relationship....but isn't prepared to accept any responsibility herself or take action to address it. Wanting you to go to counselling now is for her benefit.

i still think she's playing you - maybe not in a calculated, nasty way but definitely maybe in a passive aggressive, sneaky, subconscious way. She needs to understand that a) you don't feel that way and are already doing/giving what you feel is appropriate b) That this 'dissatisfaction' she feels is valid for her only and she can deal with it without you joining in the counselling sessions.

From my own experiences I would say trust your gut instinct and heed its warning - if it's telling you that her requests are odd/needy/something isn't right then 9/10 your gut instinct is right. If it's picking up on 'character assassination' then you'd best prepare for it .

I'd go to the first session and just listen and watch what happens - i wouldn't offer any thoughts of my own or agree to anything. This way you will find out what exactly her issues are, what she wants validation on and what she expects from you - and you leave the ball firmly in her court without admitting anything. She could just tell you right now if she wanted to but she wants to remain in 'control' so she won't. I think she knows she's not going to get what she wants from you by speaking to you directly, so she's using a 3rd party to cajole you into a position where she can get what she wants from you....funny how she doesn't 'know' what it is she wants other than a generic 'get on better'.

Me being me would also tell the counsellor that my sister has no idea what she hopes to achieve from this and that i'm only attending this one session to humour her If pressed for information I'd probably only say that her expectations of me were making me feel creeped out, claustrophobic and that i was worried she was developing codependency issues

However you choose to handle it just make sure you don't get sucked into her game plan. Sometimes even counsellors can be fooled by their patients - which is why it's never recommended to have joint counselling with an abusive partner or a narcissist.

I get on okay with my brother who is 2 years younger, but we have very little in common apart from being related! Consequently we only see each other a couple of times a year when I'm visiting DM. We do occasionally speak on the phone & send the odd FB message.

As children we fought like cat & dog - proper fisticuffs