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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have snapped at DP this morning

25 replies

MiamiNaice · 03/11/2015 06:53

Last night I just couldn't sleep, I have caught the bug that my DP and DD have had, my throat was itchy and scratchy and sore and I couldn't sleep because of that but I didn't fuss even though my 2 year old was having a fab sleep and would no doubt be up at the crack of dawn. My DP also had trouble sleeping and he didn't know why, anyway according to him he managed 3 hours before it was time to get up although I'm sure he fell asleep before I did and when DD woke up, I woke him up too and he said he wasn't going to work today and would say something about a family issue. I got annoyed then as i had little sleep, feel ill with sore throat and I can't ring up DD and say I won't be in today to entertain you, feed you etc. so I snapped at him and said that. He then gets up and has now got the hump with me! He is off to work at this point but he's not happy with me. Aibu to think he's being a bit childish and many people go to work with inadequate sleep? He will argue here that he is not normal and suffers anxiety but still!
Now I feel guilty too

OP posts:

Senpai · 03/11/2015 06:58

Competitive misery has no winners.

No one likes getting snapped at. But bad moods happen. Apologize and move on.

MajesticSeaFlapFlap · 03/11/2015 07:01

Both a bit childish.

It's a non argument

Original poster

MiamiNaice · 03/11/2015 07:04

I did just apologise although he still is off with me. Is silly really

OP posts:

Enjolrass · 03/11/2015 07:08

Personally when people snap at me then saying sorry, but still thinking they were right wouldn't make me get over it.

Especially if I am knackered.

Of course you can't phone in sick if you are looking after your child today. However he could stay home and both of you look after dd.

You not being able to call in sick doesn't make a blind bit of difference to this situation.

Unreasonablebetty · 03/11/2015 07:08

I hope you all feel better soon, we've had a throat infection make its rounds in our house.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 03/11/2015 07:12

Hang on? You told him off for calling i sick? But calling in sick meant he would be there to help you?

Not sure if YABU or not, but you were definitely daft

scatterthenuns · 03/11/2015 07:25

It's his job, he can choose to call in sick when he wants to.

YAB completely U.

wigglesrock · 03/11/2015 07:29

You really were itching for a row. I can't ring in sick to my kids either but it doesn't mean I'm arsey when my husband who is a grown up decides to ring in to his own work.

DoreenLethal · 03/11/2015 07:32

What you should have said was 'excellent, dd is all yours today as i am too ill' and gone back to sleep.

NerrSnerr · 03/11/2015 07:38

If he called in sick surely you'd have had help at home so it would have benefitted you?

You're both knackered, it happens.

CakeNinja · 03/11/2015 07:42

Competitiveness tiredness. There are no winners here!
What did you mean by "I didn't fuss"?

IrishDad79 · 03/11/2015 07:53

Your partner has anxiety issues and you think it's ok to "snap" at him just because you're in a bad mood? Poor form. Does this fall under emotional abuse?

AlwaysHope1 · 03/11/2015 07:55

Yabu and very childish, do grow up. It's not a competition. What did you achieve by doing that.

00100001 · 03/11/2015 07:57

I'm confused, surely it would helped you out him being at home today?

if you're poorly and he's 'just' tired then you could have had an extra sleep each for a few hours whilst the other minds the child??

Original poster

MiamiNaice · 03/11/2015 08:01

Well I'm not sure he would've been helpful as he planned to go back to bed! I felt bad for snapping but was coming from a place of tiredness and being ill and I have apologised after thinking about it. I did snigger at the emotional abuse query ?? Come on, a little OTT? Should I have mentioned he snapped back? he has anxiety but manages it.

OP posts:

Original poster

MiamiNaice · 03/11/2015 08:03

Yes it is childish and silly now thinking about it.

OP posts:

fuffapster · 03/11/2015 08:05

I think yabu for getting annoyed that he can call in sick.

It's not his fault that you can't take a day off taking care of your child. Though of course he should be doing his fair share too.

However, both of you are not being unreasonable for doing illogical things when you are sleep deprived.

00100001 · 03/11/2015 08:08

Yes, but he could have gone back to bed for a few hours, caught up with sleep, and then you could have gone to bed for a few hours!

I'd aplogise, personally.

00100001 · 03/11/2015 08:09

you were both tired and grumpy - so no harm no foul. :)

Original poster

MiamiNaice · 03/11/2015 08:10

Thanks, I see now it was unreasonable of me. I just know what he's like and when he takes days off, he lazes around in bed and on the iPad and may empty the dishwasher or something but doesn't really take DD off my hands and quite often seeks sympathy for how shit he feels. This is never the case for me, and that's why I got annoyed. Over and done now anyway. I was unreasonable, I apologised.

OP posts:

SharkSkinThing · 03/11/2015 08:13

DP and I had our best rows first thing in the morning - something about the looooooong day stretching ahead after 45 seconds of sleep and then having to look after a small child (who woke at 4.20am for 18 months).

Never underestimate the corrosive power of sleep deprivation. We used to apologise to each other by lunch time and put it down to 'the sleep talking.'

YANBU, get well soon and try and laugh it off next time (I know, I know!).

ForChina · 03/11/2015 08:23

I think your partners was BU to call in to work and say there was a 'family issue' just because he was tired. He needs to suck it up and save that kind of leave for when there actually is a family issue. My only caveat was that if he drives a long way to work or for work or operates machinery or anything then i guess being tired is a serious problem.

Seriouslyffs · 03/11/2015 08:24

Look after each other today.

DoreenLethal · 03/11/2015 08:32

If he was going back to bed then you are not being unreasonable.

Mummyofonesofar · 03/11/2015 09:07

I snapped at DP this morning too, I am 18w with twins and struggling with tiredness - not helped by the fact that I seem to wake up at 2.30 - 4 for no reason - which happened last night. I was off sick with tiredness and sickness for three weeks but back full time now, and we have a 7yo. I get up with DS at 6.45 so when DP's alarm went off at 6 and he pressed snooze, then again at 6.10 and snoozed again I got annoyed. Snapped that if he could just get up and go to work I might get another half an hour before I get up with DS and have to go to work myself. He only wanted an extra cuddle in our cozy bed before getting up.

I was tired, he was tired - though he didn't snap back. A couple hours later all is forgetten and I've had my daily "I love you, have a great day" text that I always get. People get tired and snappy - it happens, move on and give eachother a kiss tonight.

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