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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to want a little appreciation sometimes, rather than being told I'm shit at everything?

22 replies

VelvetSpoon · 02/11/2015 17:48

Ok, so I'll start by saying I completely acknowledge I don't have the monopoly on hard times. And that I have a home, DC and a reasonable income which is more than some.

But I also have no family (only child, parents died in my early 20s, grandparents before I was 10). 2 DC by 2 different men, eldest has no contact with his father or family, never has had. Younger sees his dad regularly. His dad, my Ex, was physically and emotionally abusive to me for years. He also stole tens of thousands from me and hasn't paid a penny since we split. I was with him for 8 years, wanted to leave for 7 but had no help/ no one to turn to.

No one believed me about the abuse. When we split up people said what a shame and that the abuse was just 'ups and downs'. I called the police on him more than once, they refused to intervene. His family said I was a liar, accused me of hitting the DC, and of stealing money. They threatened to report me to the police, which would have cost me my job. Luckily, it was an empty threat.

No one I know has ever acknowledged what an arse my Ex was, let alone said I did well to get away. Similarly I don't get anyone telling me I'm doing a good job managing as a lone parent. Instead I was told it was my fault my eldest DC failed the 11plus, I'm so clever I should have made him study. And also I should have made him do better in his exams, again that's my fault. And it's my fault both DC have missed school, even though the school haven't always told me when they're not there, and when they often have to leave after I leave for work (again that's my fault for working because obviously I should be there to take them every day even though they're in their teens. When my younger DC was in yr5, I was told it was a safeguarding issue that I wanted him to walk home from school alone (15-20 min walk) and the school insisted I got him a mobile phone. After saying it would be better if I got his grandparents to collect him if I couldn't (I explained they were dead, asked if an aunt could...they patently didn't believe me when I said I was an only child). And that's just the tip of the iceberg.

I've just had enough of everything being my fault. I'm only one person, I have no help, bit however many times I make that clear, I never seem to get any leeway. I work ft (in a job I don't even really like any more, but I can't afford to leave), I have to travel with work sometimes overnight, I have no family to help, and no friends who would put themselves out to. I do the best I can. Yet it's never good enough.

And then I look around at others (yes I know you can't judge blah blah), who get divorced, no abuse just fall out of love etc, and there's family and friends all rallying round about how sad it is, they get plenty of maintenance so dont need to work ft, and yet it's all violins about how hard it is for them. No one ever says that to me, and I'm so sick and tired of it.

And if one time the school, or my employers, or anyone I know just said 'bloody hell, that's tough' it would make a real difference. Let alone if anyone actually offered me help.

OP posts:
morecoffeethanhuman · 02/11/2015 17:54

You know what, you've done amazingly - from what I'm reading, you've had some really shit times but you've raised happy teens regardless. That's a bloody great achievement in its self, let alone balancing a career.
So maybe there isn't anyone in RL to say, fair play you've done well, and you've done well by your kids ....Flowers so well bloody done lovely. Takes a strong women to leave DV and a strong women to raise kids alone Smile

gruffaloshmuffalo · 02/11/2015 17:57

You're doing a well. One day your children will see what you've done for them and tell you how grateful they are. Keep your head up Flowers

RandomMess · 02/11/2015 17:59

You know what, well done, you have survived more than most, you've all been fed and watered without help that is so tough Flowers

VelvetSpoon · 02/11/2015 18:27

Ah thank you Blush. I really didn't start the thread for lots of well dones, more I thought some other lone parents might be in a similar position and we could all mutually empathise.

Anyway it is really appreciated. I'm by no means perfect, some things I probably could or should have done better, or at least differently. But it's hard when you have to decide everything on your own, be responsible for everything. What I've missed the most is having someone to talk to, to share the decision making.

I wouldn't be without my DC, but life as a lp is hard.

OP posts:
Sazzle41 · 02/11/2015 18:30

You have done massively well all in difficult circumstances, maybe what it is , you look like you are coping ok, so people make assumptions so don't give you any credit or help. Also, do you tell people upfront re school etc that you have no family etc as they also tend to assume. On the subject of help or a bit of me time is there any way you could afford a babysitter now and again and go for a swim or gym ? Put an ad in local newsagent ? Or on Gumtree? Would work let you work from home now and again if that helped? Do they know your situation is getting you down?

I admitted to someone at work that i have had a ten year long struggle with depression and he was dumbfounded, saying 'you look like you are in control and happy, you are the last person i would think got depressed'. If they dont know your circumstances and you struggle along just about treading water, people dont ask questions and assume everythings ticking along fine.

pluck · 02/11/2015 18:32

All these people having a go at you are probably frightened they might be asked to pitch in, so are pre-emptively alienating you, just in case a bit of sympathy might lead you to expect anything from them.

So call them on it! If they're so perfect and you're so shit, they'd better help, hadn't they? No? Well, then they can STFU....

Better? Smile

SmallLegsOrSmallEggs · 02/11/2015 18:42

Who keeps telling you its your fault? E.g. over 11plus? Is it your good for motjimg abusive ex?

If so, he can trebally stfu whilst swivelling on it.

Mine tells me it was my fault he got into a disciplinary at work (i wasn't thete when he shouted at his boss and it wasn't about me). My fault one of the kids isn't tall enough (not sure what she's not tall enough for). My fault I don't organise events for his kids with his family.

So if your ex is anything like mine then what he says is clearly a pile of cobblers.

But yes as an lp with an abusive ex I really appreciate my family at least being alive and in same country and the fact that my friends and employers will all at the slightest frystration on my part say 'god, I don't know how you cope' and it does make me feel much better.

Wishing you someone in rl who notices and gives you credit where it is dueFlowers

redexpat · 02/11/2015 19:44

Ooh I remember your other threads about getting your dc to school. It doesnt sound easy at all, and i remember thinking the schools attitude towards you working was particularly unhelpful. I didnt know your ex was abusive. I believe you.

But in the nicest possible way, is it possible that you have a tendancy to focus on the negative? You had a lot of suggestions on the other threads and you refused an awful lot of them. Could you tell us something that makes you happy? And find a way to do it more?

Or is it just the exhaustion from carrying everyone with little support for so long?

laffymeal · 02/11/2015 19:48

Why would a school disbelieve your assertion that you're an only child? That's just weird.

BillBrysonsBeard · 02/11/2015 19:59

God OP I feel for you, I know what you mean.. Just someone to be on your side. Someone to recognise how well you manage and what you've been through. Could you join a network of lone parents? They would understand more than anyone and also might be wanting some adult support.

VelvetSpoon · 02/11/2015 20:39

Oh, the comments have come from lots of people - friends, school mums, colleagues...admittedly my Ex also used to tell me loads of shit but I haven't spoken to him for 4 years so at least I don't have to put up with any of his crap any more. I still get people saying what a shame it is we split up. Even though every time they say that I remind them how awful he was to me, it never seems to go in!

The school thing - it's that conversation I've had for the last 20 years in different scenarios. When you're in your 20s or 30s, people don't expect you to have no parents or grandparents, and when you then say you're an only child (especially because in my age group only children were far more unusual than they are among today's children) it just seems incredible. So people don't believe you. Whether it's a kind of nervous 'surely that can't be true?' or just disbelief because they think I'm lying I don't know. I've had it at hospitals too - nursing staff asking about my husband (not married), could my parents be there (no), what about a sibling (no). It's just outside people's experiences I guess.

Schools are aware I work, am a LP, and have no family. My work are also aware - but it doesn't seem to make much difference. Working from home - I battled for years to get facilities to enable me to log in remotely...finally got them about 6 months ago. On the proviso it's the 'exception' not the rule. And then a few weeks ago (after having done a grand total of 2 mornings working from home in the last 6 months) that actually my presence is needed in the office, so I can't wfh at all! That said - and this is probably a whole other ranty thread - my 2 colleagues (who are both married with DC) are always given loads of leeway for appts and whatever. Whereas in my last meeting with my manager I mentioned I've been ill and have (possible, they're still monitoring it) high blood pressure, and instead of concern got a dismissive 'oh that's nothing to worry about'. So, not a great work environment.

Today I had an email from one school as eldest DC hadn't handed in a piece of homework due today. Yes slack of him I know, no excuses (he's completed it this evening and emailed it over) - but why are they emailing me, he's nearly 18, shouldn't they be asking him where it is? And a letter from other DC's school about his attendance. Yes, again an issue - but I had a meeting about this 6/7 months ago, and they confirmed they were using wrong contact no for me/not contacting me if he wasn't there or went in late - I've heard nothing since, yet apparently now he's missed days (and again they haven't informed me). Honestly, how am I supposed to know if he's not gone in when I'm out from at least 8-6 every day?

I am lucky now - finally - in that I do now have a boyfriend (after many years of being single) and he is someone I know will be on my side. But although he's an emotional support, I don't/can't expect him to be everything - I do appreciate having him around, but I can't rely on him for help. He's only one person after all, and he has his own busy life, own home, own DC. So it still very much feels like I'm on my own, although at least I do have someone now to whinge to.

OP posts:
redexpat · 02/11/2015 21:22

School are still being crap? Have you made sn official complaint? Have you got a paper trail of what was agreed re contacting you in case of absense? Have school said in their email what their expectations are now you are aware of the missef deadline, or was it just them keeping you informed? Is there a set of rules or a behaviour contract for the nearly 18 yo? A lot of what you have posted about does seem to come down to shit communication, which always makes things seem worse. Dont let the bastards get you down.

VelvetSpoon · 02/11/2015 22:09

I'd not made an official complaint because I thought it was all resolved last time. Wishful thinking!

DS1's school - Possibly I was just being kept informed of the deadline - there was no mention of consequences other than that teacher was concerned as to his exam prospects.

DS2's school - nothing in writing following the last meeting. No teachers turned up, they were off sick/in other meetings, so it was just me and the person from the Attendance Service. I probably should have confirmed the outcome in writing, with hindsight.

I don't really 'get' either school. DS1's sixth form seem to think everything is down to me, and there's never any sanction to him, even though he's almost an adult. They only speak to him/ask him about anything if I suggest it. DS2's school is worse, in that you never know what's going on, and I just get stuff dropped on me weeks after the event, ie this whole attendance issue which yes is probably my DS skiving off, but unless they tell me on the day how do I know?

It is bad communication, and again I feel a bit under the cosh because DS2's school in particular when they do contact me phone my mobile and then get huffy if I don't answer/reply immediately. Hopefully parents eve and this attendance meeting will get everything sorted out again for the next few months...

OP posts:
ohtheholidays · 02/11/2015 22:28

Honestly I don't know how you coped with loosing your parents and your grandparents at such a young age Velvet,I really don't and I really feel for you.

I'm 40 now and I lost my Mum 18 months ago and it's been so bloody hard I can't imagine what it must have been like for you when you'd only just become an adult.

The school are being utter tits towards you and that I do understand I'd had similar in the past,not about not attending school but being a few minutes late for school,I was a single mum to 4DC at the time,1 of my sons is autistic and my youngest was a newborn DD and I had had a really bad flair up of my ulcerative colitis,2 Dads,1 never really helped and the other one I had to get an injunction against him and his family for mine and my children's safety.

The school were aware of all this and I'd even worked and volunteered and the schools and I was on first name basis with all the staff including the Headmistress.

The Police were wrong to not have helped you and I'm really surprised at they're respone,if I were you I'd have made a complaint,they need to know when it comes to something that is very delicate and can be very serious that the officers that you spoke to seriously failed yourself and your children.

RandomMess · 02/11/2015 23:46

I remember reading your thread about the school now that you've mentioned more detail. Absolute joke!!!! I get calls from 6th form, my eldest restart year 12 so is about to turn 19 - they all me at work and ask where she is, erm I have no idea I'm at work, have your tried calling the house phone as either she or my husband may answer then...

I only really have my dh to rely on for support and that is hard enough (especially in some very bleak years) but long term on your own, no family is absolutely sh*t you have done amazingly well just to keep going and not cave.

VelvetSpoon · 03/11/2015 08:02

The police was some time ago, I'd like to hope
things are better now for victims of dv. Basically because I wasn't bleeding they seemed to say there was nothing they could do. Because it was Ex and my house they couldn't make him leave, etc. It just reinforced the fact no one would believe me. Ex said to me as they left, they were laughing at me, nothing would ever happen to him etc, and he was right. I really hope things are better now.

Random, your DDs school sounds a lot like ours - I've had the do you know where they are call...and been asked if I can check if they're at home (not really as I'm at work), can someone else check etc...

OP posts:
VelvetSpoon · 10/11/2015 11:04

Contacted again by the school today as DS1 missed a lesson, or part thereof Sad

I honestly don't know what they expect from me when they say he's not in a lesson. I say I'll speak to him when I'm home (in 8 hours) but surely they must understand I'm not there now so nothing I can do immediately?

I'm really not sure they do.

OP posts:
Scremersford · 10/11/2015 11:33

Honestly OP, reading that, I was only able to come to one conclusion: you are surrounded by horrible people. Horrible, selfish and quite stupid people, often with behavioural problems. Have you ever thought about moving to another part of the country? The lack of sympathy from anyone re your abusive ex is just appalling. The schools are appalling. Even the police are rubbish. etc..

VelvetSpoon · 10/11/2015 13:14

I have thought about relocating, however right now my job and my DCs lives are here, and there's a whole other issue around my Ex and the house...Despite that, about 2 years ago my plan was to move several hundred miles away in about 4 years, once eldest DC had finished school. However, assuming my relationship continues, realistically that's now looking more like another 10 years rather than 2, as my bf is tied to this area for that long as his DC are much younger.

I've lived within 15-20 miles (albeit in a different county) of where I do now all my life. Moving somewhere else will be hard.

OP posts:
redexpat · 10/11/2015 14:48

I really think you need to establish why school keep phoning you about absence. Is it to keep you informed or because they expect you to act on it? What are THEY doing about it? Please put this in writing. They do just sound crap. Prolongued crapness is exhausting.

Atenco · 10/11/2015 18:12

I think there are two types of people who manage to get everyone to feel sorry for them and get loads of help all the time and then people who always appear strong and could be going through all kinds of shit, but nobody ever looks their way to notice.

I've got a feeling you fall into the second category, OP.

northernsoul78 · 10/11/2015 18:29

Bloody hell. Thst is tough. You are doing an amazing job.

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