Why is Xmas so bloody difficult

[MrHankyTheXmasPoo]

Yet another thread on this.

I don't enjoy xmas and would prefer to just ignore it and have a normal day. Partly because I am estranged from my son and feel it will never be a proper family time without him

But. Dd and sil want to come and stay and love the whole thing, big lunch with trimmings stockings etc. aLso it will be their babies first Xmas so want it to be perfect. Dd,s mil will be on her own as dd and her don't get on and she doesn't want her to be invited.

Husband will go with the flow but would want to give dd a good day so I have agreed to do the dinner.

Now he has invited his parents and sibling to come over later on, but due to the sibling having to drive to her inlaws Esrly evening they have to come to us mid afternoon

Daughter not that happy as these people are strangers to the baby aNd she wants the day to be perfect (dh is a step)

Inlaws have their own traditions which they want everyone to join in with. Board games but they are serious. No fun at all and always awkward. FIL will want queens speech on and sulk if he doesn't get his own way

Would I be unreasonable to say sod everyone and come down with something contagious so have to stay in bedroom

My own parents live a few hours away and are sorted for xmas so no problem there.

Yes I know I am b u as inlaws are in their 80's and may not see many more but just for once I want to skip the whole thing

I think your daughter's being a bit unreasonable to be honest. Your dh is perfectly entitled to ask his parents over for Christmas day.

But I agree that trying to force everyone to play board games is a bit off. However, lots of elderly people like to listen to the Queen's Speech. I think I would just be kind and go along with that.

There's no such thing as a perfect Christmas. The sooner your dd learns that, the less she will stress herself and other people.

Blimey! That sounds like such hard work. Sorry to hear about your son, that cant be easy.

your DD is being precious and needs to turn it down a notch, have a word with her.

inlaws- well it would be a simple kindness to have the speech, and perhaps a quick game of something later on, but I wouldnt let their traditions overrule my own in my own home.

plan your day, get DH onside and have some plans up your sleeve.

Too many people with too high expectations. Don't know how to stop it, though.

I think your DD would be happier if she wasn't at yours. Can she just visit for lunch?

You were only unreasobable in allowing it to get so out of control in the first place.

Tell DD to sod off and arrange her own perfect Christmas at home. With baby's first Christmas it would be a great idea to start some traditions of their own.

If in laws want to do things their way then let them. At their own house.

I have spent christmas with various people over the years and have always been more than happy to be included and go along with whatever the host has planned. Except that I do force my mum to make her mince pies

You need to put yourself first. You want a quiet christmas and all these people seem to have invited themselves along then made demands! If they want to come to yours, they do what you want.

"aLso it will be their babies first Xmas so want it to be perfect...Daughter not that happy as these people are strangers to the baby aNd she wants the day to be perfect (dh is a step)"

The baby is under a year old and will neither realise nor remember. Your DD is bring ridiculous and that is your problem.

Yr dd is being patently ridiculous and needs to be told that it is utterly unreasonable for her to expect other family members to be excluded for such a ridiculous reason.

Your in-laws need telling by yr DH that they are totally welcome to come to yours, but YOUR house YOUR traditions, and you will be unimpressed if they show up with a bunch of board games.

If people start giving you trouble afterwards just send out a group e-mail saying

"This is ridiculous - I'm not going to spend MY christmas with a sky high blood pressure trying to pander to everyone else's whims. Sort out your own plans!"

Then open a nice bottle of wine and leave them to it.

Actually, the more I read your post, the more selfish your dd sounds. She's leaving her MIL on her own on Christmas day as well as trying to dominate who you and your dh can invite over? She sounds like she needs a wake up call.

Your Dd is being ridiculous. Tell her what your plans are and she can either join in or do her own thing.

Your DD isnt behaving very nice actually, your DH is perfectly entitled to invite his parents in his own house! Dd,s mil will be on her own as dd and her don't get on and she doesn't want her to be invited...this is horrible.

Your house, your rules.
DD is being a bit PFB/unfair on her DHs family and you are being exceptionally accommodating considering you hate the whole thing.

DD and her DH should spend the day with his family if it is important to he and them. Your DDs MIL should not be left alone.

If you choose to help her out by covering some of the work and jollying everyone into the sort of entertainments your DD imagines her PFB would prefer then that's fine, but baby won't remember it and do you really need the stress?

FIL may be huffy about eating at a certain time/doing certain things but in your house your traditions prevail so unless they are rude they will go along with whet you suggest.

Agree with all the above. Don't give in to doing what everyone else tells you they want.

If Dd just wants you and baby and her dh, then could she invite you to her house, and your dh could invite his people to your house (where you will not be)? Sorry to hear about your ds. That must be hard.

But why should OP and her dh spend Christmas day apart just to keep dd happy? Either dd wants a big family Christmas or she wants to spend it on her own with dh and their baby. But going around dictating and wanting everything on her terms is very selfish. And her dh's parents are just as much part of the family as she is.

Absolutely. It just depends what OP wants.

Your DD sounds like a spolit brat, dictating Christmas when she is only a guest is not on.

God, I hate Xmas too

All the enforced family jollity

It turns my fucking stomach

You are not alone, op

If your DD wants to dictate how Christmas day will be she should host it at her own house.

Yanbu at all. The quest for a "perfect" Christmas is always pointless ime. Don't know what to suggest except have a word with dd if she is the one causing the issue, (by trying to have the "perfect" Christmas with stockings, lunch and without your DH's family). She should understand if you explain, and if not, tell her to have Christmas at hers instead - then she can call the shots. She might like that. Maybe she feels as if you would prefer them to come to you for some reason..? Christmas makes people behave v strangely.

Your DD can do her own sodding dinner and stockings at her house if it's that important to her.

Stay at home, in PJs if you want to.

Woah! I see it very differently: OP's DH is DD's step dad. His family are not her family. I don't see why, as her baby's first Christmas, she should be thought of as a spoiled brat for wanting to have a lovely day with her mum (other than her mum is feeling baity about it thanks to the other pressures on her time). Also, there are enough MiL threads on here for me to gently make the point that not every DiL and MiL get on and in most other situations many MNetters would be suggesting you needn't spend Christmas together to avoid WWIII.
For what it's worth, I've had these kinds of Christmases before and other nightmares and, to nip travelling to four different family homes in one day in the bud, I instituted Christmas Breakfast. Everyone turns up at 9/10am, has a salmon, eggs, croissants and fizzy, exchanges presents and kisses and is gone back home to their own Christmases for the rest of the day by noon. Perfect.

Anyone who wants Christmas their way hosts it at their house. If they come to you, it's Christmas your way.