AIBU to think about ditching this friendship?

[Joolsy]

I have a friend who is very sweet and we do get on well, however, for as long as I've known her she is pretty unreliable, usually changing arrangements at the last minute at best or always being at least half an hour late. We'd been planning for her & her DD to come over last Sat for ages as we hadn't seen each other for a couple of months. She was due at mine for 11am & she knew I would be going out around 1.30, so I said I would do some lunch for all of us. Me & the DDs spent the morning getting the house tidy and making some special Halloween food for lunch. At 11.10 I got a call from her to say she'd just left her house (45 mins drive away) as her new neighbours called round and she 'couldn't turn them away'. However she obviously had no qualms in being nearly an hour late for me. I just think this friendship causes me more stress than is worth it, although deep down she is a lovely person, but I find this thoughtless behaviour really getting to me. Should I ditch her or just be honest next time she gets in touch?

If her constant lateness bothers you then YANBU, but does she always have good reason to be late? Her latest reason I would understand.

If she's a good friend you could speak to her about it

I cannot abide lateness. It says 'my time is more valuable than yours.'

Once or twice for reasons beyond a person's control is understandable. Like traffic, for instance. But 'because she couldn't turn her new neighbours away'? That's crazy.

Do you enjoy the time you spend with her?

Yes it really does bother me. I used to arrange to meet her at toddler group and she'd turn up about half an hour late, with me just sat there like a lemon (obv playing with DD as well but I didn't know anyone to talk to). I do enjoy spending time with her but it annoys me as well. She could have said to her neighbours that she was just on her way out and any reasonable person would have understood

Maybe she didn't feel her new neighbours were reasonable? Maybe she couldn't get a word in edgeways for whatever reason? Or she has had bad relations with neighbours before that was not her fault and she felt too anxious to cut them short?

My SIL is like this. We now just expect her to show up 30 mins late and plan accordingly. So, if we're having family over for lunch, and we want to eat at 13.00, we tell her 12.30 knowing she won't show until 13.00.

But, she's my SIL, so I can't really cut her out. You have choices though.

I might try and talk to her first before ditching completely. Depends how much you value the friendship. I have a friend who is always late for everything. It's become a running joke among our group of friends now. She's just quite disorganised and has no sense of direction so gets lost all the time and has to call cabs to rescue her! She is also very bright in work life and academically just lacks common sense sometimes. It doesn't particularly bother me that she is late as I know she doesn't mean to be.

I find this sort of thing very rude and ill mannered. I disagree with posters who think the neighbour thing is somehow a mitigating reason for being late.

If a neighbour was chatting to me and I had to leave the house by a specific time in order to be somewhere else, a polite "I have to go now, catch up with you later" is all that's needed.

It's narcissistic behaviour, the likes of your friend thinks that the neighbour will be unduly hurt if she says she has to leave, because she thinks she's so terribly important to them and you're supposed to be grateful that she even bothers to turn up.

I wouldn't be in a hurry to make any more arrangements.

I wonder if this is same person I am thinking of. She is very very sweet lovely lady but the amount of times I have been sat waiting for her, is beyond the pale, and she lies.

She is only on peripery of my life, but I cant go any further with the lateness thing, its all the time.

My ex Sil was like this. If you arranged to meet her anywhere, she would only start to get ready 10 or 15 minutes after the meet time. Usually arriving an hour or an hour and a half late.
I let this happen about three times then stopped making arrangements with her. She then decided we should go for a drink and picked the time. I asked if she wanted to make it any later but she said no. I waited in the pub for an hour, after arriving a half an hour late, thinking we'd arrive at a similar time. Cah.
I asked what delayed her and she admitted that she wanted to see the end of a program. Feck her, the program started at the time we arranged to meet. She had no intention of meeting me at that time.
I just quickly finished my drink and walked out on her. I just couldn't be arsed ever going out with her again. She did apologise but I always said no when she asked me to meet up.

I have a friend like this - like Tootsie I either tell her a time earlier than something starts, or if she is picking the time I will plan to turn up about 30 minutes after that (although I am still normally the first there!).

I cannot abide lateness but we get on really well and I wanted to maintain the friendship ,so I found a way to reduce the irritation her lateness brings. I guess you just need to decide whether she is worth the effort.

DrasticAction - maybe you and I should get together - what area do you live in? I've decided I'm going to be honest about how peed off I am next time she gets in touch. I would try to arrive late myself but it's just not in my nature and if I did you can guarantee it's the one time she will be on time! Thanks for all the replies.

Don't get me started.
My DSis who was never late is now with someone who is ALWAYS late.
Not just a bit late but really late.
She's now getting defensive of him and her being late all the time and her stock line is 'nobody died'
Drives me feckin' nuts.

My DP is this person. I find it so frustrating as I always arrive 15 mins early, text to let people know etc.

He hops in the shower when he is meant to be meeting people, and is one of those people that takes an hour to get ready. For family gatherings no one tells him the time it starts, they tell me so I can rally him. It's bloody thoughtless because the time he could be spent getting ready is normally spent doing something trivial that's not important.