To let teen DD sleep?

[unlucky83]

So this is all a bit of a mess...
DD1 (14) has ADHD, in Scotland so doing her National 5s (GCSE kind of equivalents) this year. She has chronic procrastination, forgets things, disorganised and can be stubborn and oppositional.
The school are supposed to have a 'support plan' in place for her, part of which involves the teacher's emailing me what work she needs to do then I can support her at home to get it done.
I found out she hadn't done an essay a couple of weeks ago when we got a letter home. I spoke to her (new) guidance teacher who didn't even know she had ADHD. The plan had been completely forgotten. The emails are supposed to be happening again ...obviously they aren't. I found out last Thur pm she has an essay due in tomorrow.
I have been trying to encourage her to make a start -it isn't easy! (this might be really hard for some people to understand but the oppositional thing means there is a chance she would just refuse not care about the consequences of her actions, no punishment would have any effect). Also she doesn't take her medication at the weekends so it is easier to get her and for her to do things in the week. She did seem to be doing something on Fri pm...
On Sat she was absolutely hyper all day. She had a sleep over for Halloween, had been planned for weeks, really looking forward to ... I was torn but actually I think if she hadn't been able to go she still wouldn't have done her essay anyway - just turned into a huge conflict and she would have dug her heels in. So she went on the understanding that she would do the essay today... (And also if she didn't go DD2 would have missed out too as it was a joint thing)

Then today I find out she has another piece of work which is very overdue which is what she was actually doing on Fri pm. So she started that first...but is stuck, after much faffing she is going to have to get help tomorrow - she can't finish it ...
She hadn't even looked at the essay. I managed to get her to sit down with me and start looking at what she had to do for it two hours ago. I left her sitting on the sofa for a few minutes with the notes and when I came back she was fast asleep ...I sleepwalked her upstairs and put her to bed...
DP says I should have woken her up and made her do the essay... I think in the circumstances she is better getting a good sleep (she struggles to get to sleep most nights..another ADHD symptom)
I am going to talk to the school tomorrow anyway and we can basically 'start again'...this time with the plan in place before it really is too late.
So AIBU to just let her sleep?

Thanks for the support...
Have spoken to the school and they are supposed to getting her teachers to send me an overview of the coursework etc. And they are going to speak to DD too...again.

They don't have the homework online - afaik. The web page isn't very good - very clunky, not updated often (updates and current information appears as a pop up - which it took me 2 yrs to realise my browser was blocking). It doesn't have info about their homework etc. In fact I was looking for info about something exam related and found another school in the area (not our catchment) had lots more online resources - reading lists, practice questions, revision notes etc. Our school don't seem to have any...
At primary (pre diagnosis) we often ended up sitting for literally hours trying to get her to do her 15 min maths homework - or maths work they started sending home because she hadn't finished in class. Trying everything from bribery to blackmail to punishments to get it done.

And I am trying to get her to do things for herself...not for me or her dad or anyone else - it is all about her. Her life, her choices, her future... so she can't become oppositional about it.

Did wonder if the next bit was worth a response - but ...
Wombat - in my heart of heart I know it exists ...I actually have a really good understanding of my DD who is (sadly) very similar to me (DD2 is thankfully completely different). You see - I am pretty sure I have it too.
I was labelled as difficult, careless, forgetful, a daydreamer, disorganised, naughty, lazy, loud. Wicked by my mother who had no understanding and hated me because I made her life so difficult (she suffered depression and I did make her life hard - deliberately when I was angry - and I really couldn't stop).
I really couldn't help any of it.

I remember the self loathing. For being so crap and useless and chaotic and for no matter how hard I tried not being able to just do things everyone could. Why had I lost X again? Why I had forgotten to do X again? Why had I missed what was said in half a lesson? Why did I feel so angry at just being told to get up, out of bed?
I gave up, ended up in a spiral of self destruction, stopped going to school and tried to commit suicide at around 15. And it got worse - to the point where I was estranged from my family. It took me nearly dying (unrelated illness) 10 yrs later to start rebuilding any kind of relationship with them and that was after having treatment for suicidal depression...so do you want to tell me again in my heart of hearts I know it doesn't exist - she is just naughty? Lazy? She just needs to get her act together, pull her socks up?

Unlucky, you are doing great and being a fantastic advocate for your DD.

Your personal story makes me even more determined to fight for a diagnosis for my DD. I cannot let her go through what you did!

YANBU. If she fell asleep, she was tired.

Thanks mamma - I get it wrong often - lose my temper, say the wrong thing etc etc - but I also know that it isn't deliberate -she really can't do things differently. I also admit to her I am far from perfect. I apologise. I just do the best I can with who I am- and that is all she can do too. But the fact that I understand means I can do a better job than my parents did...so far (touch wood) we are doing ok...
For your DD the fact that you understand means a hell of a lot anyway - with or without a diagnosis. You can support her. I have my fingers crossed for you

I suspect it is easier to get a diagnosis when they get older. And I think it will get easier too as it becomes more widely known and understood that girls are being better at conforming, mirroring 'appropriate' behaviour than boys - they are usually not as disruptive.
DD wasn't diagnosed until 13. But faster than I was expecting -from going to the GP to a diagnosis took 3 months - I think the sheer weight of evidence from years of school reports and after school activities etc etc was overwhelming. (If you read her reports - even her ballet reports- the 'buzz word' is 'focus' - it is almost every other word...it is almost funny)
I had suspected for a very long time but didn't want her labelled if she didn't need to be. I think that was a mistake - she says she wished we had done it sooner. (I did know she was just like me though ...so have always understood her)
I had mentioned it at school twice (once primary, once secondary) to see what reaction I got, but never pushed it. And she is very young in her year group (in Scotland with lots of deferred DCs - eg some are starting to turn 16 now - she won't be 15 for 4 months yet) so there was some thought that her lack of concentration was down to a lack of maturity...that can no longer be the case really now.
Anyway I thought she wasn't coping any more - mentioned it again to a few of her teachers at a parents evening and they cautiously agreed it was possibility (except her maths teacher - who was thought for a few seconds and then said - 'that makes perfect sense...that explains everything. How on earth did we miss that?' - I nearly cried)

Good luck - a diagnosis - even medication obviously isn't a magic bullet - but it does really help - you feel validated and your DC has an explanation (not an excuse as DD pointed out). Even if it takes time you will get there in the end.