To wonder why my DM always needs to put me down all the time?

[GlitteryRollerGirl]

I hadn't realised until recently, but she's been doing it all of my life. She speaks to me in a way that she'd never speak to anyone else, probably because she'd be told to fuck off if she ever tried it. It's hard to explain because she's never actually overtly nasty, it's more subtle little digs designed to slowly undermine my confidence. Like if I try and help her with something she'll tell me that I'm doing it wrong and that I'm hopeless that kind of thing. If I try to stand up for myself I'm shouted down and told to shut up.

A bit of backstory, she's always been a little difficult. She's overbearing, loves interfering and likes to always be right. She's also very moody, her moods can change in an instant and when they do she's like a black hole of darkness sucking the life out of everyone. She has epic sulks where she passive aggressively punishes everyone for some perceived slight, but you'll never know what you did wrong. Ive often felt that she probably has undiagnosed mental health issues, she didn't have a great early childhood and through no fault of their own she and her siblings were passed around various family members due to my GP's being unable to care for them at that time.

So anyway that's it. She's not a bad mother, if I was ill or had problem and phoned her at 3am she'd be around to help me in an instant. I've never wanted for anything in life really, but it's like she uses me to help her feel better about herself. She's absolutely hate me being assertive or even airing an opinion that's different to her own. I don't have DC's of my own but if I ever did I can't imagine putting them down all the time like she does me.

Why does she treat me like this?

My DM was exactly the same. She was adopted, it didnt go well, she is resentful, insecure and seething with anger about it. I bore the brunt of that growing up. We are NC now and its best for both of us. She cant help herself, the anger just constantly leaks out, but she will never in a million years get help or accept that its due to her childhood. She is deeply unhappy, your DM sounds exactly the same. Its up to you whether you decide to 'manage' her by developing strategies like ignoring or challenging the drip drip of negativity, or distance yourself for your own sanity.

Very interesting that this behaviour seems to have roots in childhood. I find sometimes I want to scream at her tell her that you can't control every aspect of other people's lives. It's just not possible, other people have a right to do as they like.