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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to have had this reaction to what DH did/said to me?

54 replies

cashewnutty · 31/10/2015 11:49

Here is the background. I am an overweight woman in my 50's. This week i have made a very determined start at losing weight. DH is well aware of this. I am also a bit hormonal at times and had already said to DH this morning that i was feeling strangely weepy.

DH has been to Switzerland on business and returned late last night while i was asleep. When he was at the airport asked him to get me some specific make up but he wasn't able to get it. He said there wasn't much else to buy at the airport other than chocolate, watches or penknives, so i said to buy DD some chocolate and not to worry about me.

This morning he was in the kitchen with DD and i saw he had given her a big bar of chocolate. I laughed and said "where is my chocolate watch with penknife attachment" (this was very obviously done in a joking manner). He leapt up with a gleeful smile and went into his rucksack and rummaged about and pulled out a package. I though, how nice, he has managed to find something to get me. He turned round the package and held it in front of me and it was a pack of Lindt mini chocolates. I looked crestfallen and said to him thanks but no thanks i didn't really want any chocolate as i was dieting. He laughed and said "oh, they are not for you, they're for me".

I have no idea why but this tipped me over the edge and i went up to my bedroom and burst into tears. I felt that was a horrible and insensitive thing to do and say. He doesn't really get why i am upset about this. He also is a bit cross that i won't go into town with him now. I look like a puffer fish.

I am not one for melodramatic weeping but this just made me feel like crap when i was already feeling a bit low and weepy.

Was IBU?

OP posts:

Enjolrass · 31/10/2015 12:26

I think wannabe and kondas have it.

He got them for you but wasn't sure if he should give them to you, you made the comment he got them out. You were clearly unimpressed so he said they were for him. Which pissed you off.

Tbh it's really unfair of you to act this way because you are dieting. I get it. Dh is skinny I am not. But it's doesn't sound like he can win.

Gruntfuttock · 31/10/2015 12:26

I think your behaviour is completely ridiculous, or as Badders123 said "get a grip". You're acting like a child.

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 31/10/2015 12:26

You over reacted, I'm afraid. May I ask, what kind of 'diet' are you on? Is it an actual lifestyle change, or have you just cut out a lot of calories from your usual diet? If it's he latter, I'm not suprised you'd be weepy. Are you part of a support group? I'm sure your doing well, but if you're having a cry over chocolate now, it may not last without some external support. I've both dieted and made a food lifestyle change - diets never last.

IguanaTail · 31/10/2015 12:27

You're feeling hormonal and hungry and the little favourite chocolates for him joke was a bit lame, but if you weren't already feeling a bit weepy and crap you would presumably have laughed it off. I think give the diet a break for today and go into town. Start again tomorrow.

Bakeoffcake · 31/10/2015 12:27

I know why you're upset.
My DH will do this if I'm on a diet. He thinks a bit of Choc here and there doesn't count so would buy me a large mint areo bar or even a pkt of After Eights, on a Saturday night if he thought I needed a 'treat' he has no bloody idea about dieting. Could your dh have bought this Choc for you but when he saw your reaction quickly changed it to being his chocolate?

CalleighDoodle · 31/10/2015 12:27

I dont think he could have won whatever he did. One small box of choxolates doesnt make a person fat if the rest of their diet is healthy. Yabu.

I also don't believe people are naturally skinny. I just dont. Ive friends who complain about eating well and still not losing weight, but they have big portions. Or drink coke or other full of sugar drinks. One particular 5 feet 2 friend was eating the same portion size as her 6feet plus husband and couldnt see that this was the issue, because she said all the food was home made???

Well done in making the decision to lose weight and change your lifestyle to improve your chances. Stick with it and you will feel such pride in yourself.

CalleighDoodle · 31/10/2015 12:28

You also font have to eat all the chocolates.

IguanaTail · 31/10/2015 12:28

I think that's quite likely. (bakeoff's suggestion)

Sagethyme · 31/10/2015 12:28

Happy to be told i'm wrong, but from what you've written i think he genuinely bought the chocs for you, but was waiting to see if you asked, you did, he gave them to you, but saw your reaction so predended he got them for him, i honestly don't hink he meant to upset you! I think you should dry your eyes and go and have a lovely family afternoon together. Good luck with your diet

bumpertobumper · 31/10/2015 12:29

You mention that he couldn't get the make up because of liquid rules and changing planes. If something is bought airside then it is fine, and I have never seen make up in a bottle bigger than 100ml anyway.
At risk of stoking the fire of rage, did he just make a crap excuse for not getting you the make up? If so, send him to town alone to get it full price!!
I can see why the gleeful face would be upsetting, especially given the circumstances. II hope you'll feel better later...

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 31/10/2015 12:30

You can't hold his metabolism against him - nor your daughters.

It sucks if you can't eat as much as other people - DP could live off trifle and chocolate and not put on a pound, I only need one too many sweets and feel like my clothes don't fit anymore. It's how it is.

Your diet will never work if it's dependant on you not seeing chocolate or sweets. It sucks, but it's true. There will always be temptation, whether it's in your house or next to the tills in shops or people bringing chocolates into work. Once you can control the temptation, it's much easier to lose the weight. If your diet only works because no-one has chocolate near you, you'll pile the weight back on when you do start relaxing the rules.

A week in, it might have been nice if he'd avoided chocolate too, but the Swiss are good at chocolate and most people bring it back. You can't really expect them not to eat chocolate because you can't, although it would have been nice. A big effort on their part, though.

Apologise, he probably will too, and go into town. Nobody else will notice that you've been crying, and its' blimmin freezing out anyway, so everyone is resembling snowpeople. Forget about it and move on, don't let it change your plans for the day.

Best of luck with the diet.

Debbriana1 · 31/10/2015 12:31

Towards the end of week one is the tipping point for me. Week two will get better if you stay strong. Do some jumping to get your adrenaline going. It will cheer you up. If there aren't other issues then it's the hunger. Cutting cabs and sugar is like having hormonal change in the body. That's how I feel sometimes. Don't over starve. Just cut the food back.

Fratelli · 31/10/2015 12:34

Hmm it seems as though he couldn't have won whatever the situation. If you'd have said thank you for the chocolates and taken them I don't think he would have said they were for him.

I also don't agree with using "I'm feeling hormonal" as an excuse for bad behaviour. It wouldn't wash if a man got angry and said "sorry it's all the testosterone".

DaggerEyes · 31/10/2015 12:35

It sounds like he tried to treat you, then tried to make you feel better about it by saying it was his.....therefore not as tempting because it wasn't yours now. Clumsy, annoying, and I'm afraid, typical of anyone who has never had to really knuckle down to lose weight.

DaggerEyes · 31/10/2015 12:36

Massive x post with Kondo.

BigOCupOfTea · 31/10/2015 12:39

I have only been dieting a week. I am not finding it easy as i need to make big changes to the way i eat

Just eat the damn chocolate.

Theres no such thing as "cheat" food. Theres just food that you eat.

If I eat something thats unhealthy then I just say oh well, add more exercise and make a better choice next time.

You're making yourself miserable and for what? It's no way to live and why so many diets are broken constantly.

BigOCupOfTea · 31/10/2015 12:42

Well I bought a bottle of water at Heathrow after check in, got my next connecting flight and I was told I had to throw it away.

anothernumberone · 31/10/2015 12:42

Have you managed to make it this long without every having to diet before? I am extremely jealous. I am prone to weight gain due to a very sweet tooth so I have to permanently watch my weight. The first couple of weeks are definitely the hardest if you are starting a new diet but after all these years I have learned that you have to have some of what you love to stick to dieting. Have a chocolate put on some make up to hide the puffy eyes and walk off the chocolate up town. Weight loss has to be sustainable or it will become boring very quickly.

Original poster

cashewnutty · 31/10/2015 12:42

I do suspect he tried to back peddle when he saw my reaction. We have made up now. I apologised for being melodramatic and he apologised for not thinking. He knows that i am trying to diet and make lifestyle changes. We are both trying to cut down on wine too. I think we will survive. After 30 years of marriage we should be able to cope with 'chocolate gate'.

OP posts:

Bumbledumb · 31/10/2015 13:03

At risk of stoking the fire of rage, did he just make a crap excuse for not getting you the make up? If so, send him to town alone to get it full price!!

IME it is more likely to cost him less to buy it on the high street rather than at the airport. Perfumes and cosmetics at the airport are not necessarily cheaper at all.

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 31/10/2015 13:03

I can see why you're upset OP - sounds like a singularly unpleasant thing for your husband to do. Basically gloating and eating chocolates in front of you while you're on a diet.

Have a I'm on a diet too and DH bought a box of 12 krispy kreme donuts yesterday - but he did it in a nice way - they were for the builders we have at the moment, after a long week, and for the DC for Halloween - so I didn't mind.

Original poster

cashewnutty · 31/10/2015 13:04

It wasn't about getting the make up cheaper, just that i need it sharpish. I am going into town this afternoon to buy it at my local stockist.

OP posts:

anothernumberone · 31/10/2015 13:10

Aww I am a sucker for a happy ending

Bakeoffcake · 31/10/2015 13:15

Ahh lovely. Have a happy Saturday!

And I agree with whoever said the first week of a diet is the hardest. So give got through it.

Bakeoffcake · 31/10/2015 13:16

That should be- You've got through it.

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