To ask for your help re leaving

[Dameshazaba]

Please could I ask for your help?
Dh and I have come to the end of the road- unfortunately the relationship makes me ill and he has often behaved abusively and in a controlling way. Lots of name calling, etc etc.
Anyway I find out in an hours time if I can take the little rental I've found that would work for ds 5 school, ds 1 nursery and my work. I have my running away fund in place. My heart is literally pounding with nerves. He knows that it's been last chance and I'm on my way out, so this won't be a massive shock. I've spoken to a solicitor and got names of mediators, which he doesn't know.
Could anyone help me phrase an email that will set out what is reasonable in terms of contact and finances?
I thought eow and Wednesday nights as he had said he wanted shared care. We earn the same except I'm on 3.5 days to be with little ds.
The current rent on the house I think he will stay in is too high for him to have anything left over to contribute to our living costs.
He has previously shown a lot of upset at me suggesting I would take the white goods which were a present to me from family. I get that everything during marriage is shared so I don't feel like they are mine, I am just naturally a bit I'd a people pleaser and wonder how others divide things fairly. I don't mind buying replacement beds for the kids and other necessities. I have about 750 quid left over after deposit, first months rent etc.
How should I go about this? He is volatile, but I think he knows he would be happier out of the marriage, but stays in out of duty. In my ideal scenario I would leave with his cooperation, so they we could be united to the dc, reassure them they are not losing but gaining. Older ds loves where we live and loves his df.
Any advice really welcome.

When he mentions what he gets or his rights about the children, deflect back to what the children need.

That's a good point- maybe every Friday night would be better, for the dc as he is ill/ depressed/ bed bound most weekends. All weekend. So perhaps one night and day more regularly would work. And yes it is about what they need, that's the most important thing.

I just want to cry with disappointment and fruastration at how it's all turned out.

But it can turn out great. Just without him.

You have, presumably, lovely children.

Thanks, I do.
Just finding it shattering, absolutely shattering. He just told me I am a bad person who treats him so badly I deserve his anger. Its just so awful.

Is he on medication for his depression? Be careful here, the nutrition/meals thing you mentioned sounds petty. The depression. Well, plenty of mums here are depressed but still maintain daily life with kids. It should really work that he gets full contact too, works both ways.

Is he bed bound just on the weekends to get out of family life and actually spending time with or doing things for those children?

If you're such a bad person he should be glad you want to leave then!

Will change his tune I'm sure when the actual reality hits.

I would arrange to move out on a day when he isn't there, and take the white goods that your family bought you. In fact, I would take as much of the household stuff as possible like the kids beds etc given you will be looking after them most of the time.

And get a good solicitor, and be prepared for a fight and for him to his as much of his assets as possible.