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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about verbal abuse from ex

17 replies

Leavingsosoon · 30/10/2015 21:09

I know I should try to be the bigger person and rise above it.

But it still upsets me - any (polite - on my behalf) request is met with taunts about, you'll never find anyone else, who else would want you, you fat piece of shit (ouch - that one bloody stung - I only got fat carrying YOUR babies you git) and how useless I am and no one loves me or ever will.

So - I know, ignore, ignore, ignore. And I do. But it REALLY upsets me.

OP posts:
Aibuaddict · 30/10/2015 21:25

What an absolutely bastard. Hard not to get upset but says way more about him than it does about you.

Maybe say, 'yes you've made all these points before so not sure what new information you are adding to this. Not sure why it's so important to you to insult me but if it's ok, can we just stick to the request. Thanks.'

ShamelessBreadAddict · 30/10/2015 21:29

He sounds like a prize cunt. Thank God you are now separated! It absolutely says more about him than it does about you.

yummytummy · 30/10/2015 21:33

I could have written your post word for word op. I get who will want you with two kids etc etc you are fat etc. It does hurt no matter how hard you try to rise above it. I find it really hard too but just wanted you to know you aren't alone in this

spanisharmada · 30/10/2015 21:33

Gosh he's still very over invested in you isn't he. Hopefully he'll move on before too long. Would it be worth pointing out all these messages can be saved for future reference? Might make him think twice about sending any more

Mmmmcake123 · 30/10/2015 21:34

Who the f does he think is?
Of course listening to that would be upsetting, I really feel for you.
Is ignoring working?

Original poster
Leavingsosoon · 30/10/2015 21:40

Thanks ladies, I don't have anyone I can talk to in RL so it means a lot I can vent on here.

I just wish I'd never had children with him, which isn't the same as I wish I didn't have children, so don't interpret it as such, but I do. I'm stuck with him now in a roundabout way forever.

OP posts:
ProbablyMe · 30/10/2015 21:41

Restraining order? My ex tried some of this but a visit from a nice police officer soon put an end to it. No one has the right to talk to you like that. What an arse.

CalmYoBadSelf · 30/10/2015 21:44

Some people can only make themselves feel better by trying to pull others down to their level. He is insulting you because it is the only way he can see to bring you down.

It is hurtful and hard to rise above but just try to remember the best revenge is living well

RandomMess · 30/10/2015 21:46

Stop communicating with him about anything. Presumably contact is arranged?

tacky · 30/10/2015 21:51

yearssss ago an ex told me that (when I was single) guys came up to me the same way as flies hover around shit.

The words hurt .. more so when they are fresh but also can linger for years.

I was also told no one would ever love me and I now know that isn't true. It isn't true for you either. These idiots just like to break down peoples self esteem because they are so miserable with themselves.

Original poster
Leavingsosoon · 30/10/2015 22:02

Unfortunately there does have to be some contact between us when he has the children - hence my earlier comment Sad

OP posts:
RandomMess · 30/10/2015 22:09

What are you requesting of him?

I guess I just wouldn't at all unless a dire emergency?

Original poster
Leavingsosoon · 30/10/2015 22:12

Just asking if they are ok.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 30/10/2015 22:23

I would stop then because he wouldn't admit if they weren't.

Does he text and ask you about them during your contact time?

BTW he is being a complete wank faced arse but you need to stop him doing this to you.

DangerousBeanz · 30/10/2015 22:26

My ex husband told me I was fat, ugly, stupid, frigid and no one likes me and I had no friends.
At the time I was a size 8, with a masters degree, and I still have friends now I went to school with when I was 8. A subsequent partner, when I told him what my ex had said, laughed so hard a drink came out of his nose, then pointed out that the ex must have been really really crap in the sack if he thought I was frigid. As for ugly, well beauty is in the eyes of the beholder but I wasn't single for long and I've been with my DH 16.5 years.
The problem is these words sink in and we start to believe them. Eventually I realised that the issue had always been that I was too good for the ex and he ws trying to hang onto the relationship by making me afraid of leaving him. He was an insecure nob who was taking it out on me. Your ex sounds the same. His behaviour says nothing about you, it's all about his insecurities. You are well rid.

JontyDoggle37 · 30/10/2015 22:27

Plagiarise Winston Churchill: "I may be fat, but I can lose weight. You, however, will always be an utter cock. I do feel sorry for you."

Original poster
Leavingsosoon · 30/10/2015 22:36

He does text and ask after them during the 12 days a fortnight I have them, yes. One is very young (under 2) and has barely been apart from me since the minute she was born, so I do feel upset and anxious without them,

Like I say, it's the knowledge you're always tied to them and their shit!

OP posts:
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