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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Playdates if you are a ftwm?

36 replies

Lndnmummy · 30/10/2015 10:12

Not so much an AIBU but a question:

I am reading so many threads about playdates and how important they are for your dc to form frinedships etc at primary school.
I am worried (warning: PFB) how this will work for us as i work pretty much full time. Will my inability to have kids around for tea after school affect ds ability to make friends?
Advise please or words of wisom?

OP posts:

Purplepixiedust · 30/10/2015 20:32

I find the mums who work full time or shifts just arrange things at the weekend or when they are off. No one keeps score really (kids more than parents esp if your circumstances are known). Your DC will still get invited. Accept invites and when you collect say 'you will have to come to ours but it will need to be a weekend as I work FT. Would that work for you?'. You don't have to arrange there and then but within the month would be good if you can.

icelollycraving · 30/10/2015 20:42

I also have this. I work weekends & dh is brutally antisocial. We both work full time,ds goes to wrap around 3 days a week. My time with him is precious. I find school mum thing quite hard. It's a bit of a minefield. Ds gets to play 3 days a week with a mixture of ages & loves it.

KatieLatie · 30/10/2015 21:35

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

AuditAngel · 30/10/2015 21:45

As a Woking mum it is hard to reciprocate, but I try to invite friends at weekends. DD1 has been out today with a friend, and it was a bit awkward accepting but saying she would need to be picked up at the start as DH and I working and mum not able to drive due to foot operation.

Have arranged a return sleepover in a couple of weeks when the girls have an event together on consecutive days (unfortunately this means I now have to curl 3 lots of hair not 2!)

LibrariesGaveUsP0wer · 30/10/2015 21:48

I am a SAHM and certainly don't keep a tally. I don't mind having the nice kids round!

The families I know with two full time parents do things like three girls for a sleepover once in a while.

KathyBeale · 30/10/2015 21:55

My kids don't do play dates. Well, my older one occasionally does - to one friend in particular - but it always takes a lot of organising. My younger one has never been on a play date. He's never been invited, bless him, but I guess the other mums know he wouldn't be able to go. I worry quite a lot about their friendships but realistically there is nothing I can do about it, and they're happy. I think!

Whoever said they've heard lots of mums say juggling school and work is harder than the early days - YES! This is exactly how I feel. School is SUCH hard work and now I have two at school it's even harder. I normally hear people saying it gets easier as they get older so it's nice to know I'm not alone.

jellybeans · 30/10/2015 22:28

My DC often do Saturdays with their friends whose parents work ft in the week. Didn't bother me.

I don't think they miss out, in my opinion some go overboard and mither to have your kid every week. For me, it has always been an occasional thing. But there are cliques that try to orchestrate friendships. However my kids all did fine not being part of this and it tends to fade off as they get a bit older.

I was a SAHM and now am two days p/t. To be honest am relieved to escape the 'school gates' on those days! Is that bad?

ladydepp · 30/10/2015 22:40

I'm a SAHM and provided a child is not a complete nightmare then I am very happy to have them round often, with little or no reciprocation. My DC's don't seem to mind much where their play dates are, so much as who their play dates are with.

Of course it's great if you can help out with lifts to parties and suchlike at the weekend, and probably worth mentioning that you work full time if someone's invited your DC over a few times if you haven't reciprocated. Some of us SAHM's enjoy helping out the sisterhood

Original poster

Lndnmummy · 31/10/2015 08:37

Thanks everyone. I tend to worry about these things and as I am not English, at times I worry that I get the social etiquette wrong, and cause ds disadvantages.

Genereally though, common sense and kindness, give and take is universal so hopefully i will get it right.

I think quite a few of his friends would go to afterschool club which will help. He is an only child (can you tell lol) and very sociable so his friends are so very important to him.
It is quite qlicky around here (was same when i was on mat leave) so I do worry. We live in a flat and not in a house too which I know has put people off socialising with us in the past. Plenty of social climbers around which worry me regarding the school gate politics. But I will deal with that in September.

OP posts:

Bimblywibble · 31/10/2015 11:03

Your flat has put people off socialising?! Ye gods, where do you live?!

One plus of school is you'll meet new people, and hopefully some of them will be a lot nicer than the ones you've met so far.

Stampynono · 31/10/2015 19:09

With my first DC I was a sahp, I nurtured friendships and has plenty of play dates. DC1 is now in secondary school, has completely different friendships and I fail to see how those play dates have helped him as he socialised withthosesame peers all day.

With my subsequent DC i am now a wohp and there haven't been as many play dates, only one or two with best friends. I'm really not worried

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