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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Need advice please

12 replies

Clubgirl · 30/10/2015 08:42

I had a 4 month relationship with one of my sons coaches at his after school club. Yes I know it was a bad idea but I fell completely in love with him.
He decided he couldn't carry on and finished it. I was left completely heartbroken and deverstated to the point where I was put in anti depressants to help me cope.
I found it extremely difficult to go back to the club and face him twice a week but I put my feelings to one side and carried on going.
Then my son said he wanted to stop going, totally his decision. This was about 4 weeks ago and I have been trying to move on with my life.
My son has now changed his mind and wants to return. I'm not sure if this is a idea good for me to see him, will it set me back again? Or should I not think about my feelings and put my son first. Any advice would be much appreciated

OP posts:

BitOutOfPractice · 30/10/2015 08:45

Id take him to another club if I were you

ItchyArmpits · 30/10/2015 08:52

How old is your son? Do you absolutely have to see the coach if he goes back? Would it be possible to pick him up outside the school? Could you arrange a lift share with another parent?

You won't know if it will set you back until you see the coach again. Equally, you might find that you see him and realise that your feelings have changed and you no longer want, let alone need him.

Yes I know it was a bad idea if you were both single then it wasn't that bad an idea. Take it easy on yourself

OddSocksHighHeels · 30/10/2015 08:52

I'd look for another club as well.

ShamefulPlaceMarker · 30/10/2015 08:55

Why did your son want to stop?....

NerrSnerr · 30/10/2015 08:58

Why did your son want to stop? How old is he?

Original poster

Clubgirl · 30/10/2015 09:02

My son is 8 and he wanted to stop because he said he wasn't enjoying it anymore.
I would definitely have to see the coach and I couldn't just drop him outside unfortunately.

OP posts:

x2boys · 30/10/2015 09:05

i would also look for another club if seeing him is too painful for you and making it difficult for you too move on.

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 30/10/2015 11:07

Can you find a different group for the same activity? It does depend of the activity and your local area, I know, but hopefully you have options.

RandomMess · 30/10/2015 11:09

I would explain to your ds that he can't keep stopping and starting!

I would also tell him that he has to wait until the new term which will give you more time to find an alternative or cope better with seeing the coach.

AlwaysHope1 · 30/10/2015 11:18

If your son wants to go back to that club where he feels comfortable then I think it would be unfair on him to expect him to change because of your issue. Could you get someone else to take him, maybe a friend's parent who goes there already?

mathanxiety · 31/10/2015 06:41

[Bitoutofpractice -- I am having technical difficulties replying to your PM but I am very inclined to agree. ]

Sorry to hijack thread..

I would probe why your son wasn't enjoying it any more. I would definitely look for a different club as I suspect the coach may have favoured your DS while the two of you were involved together and no longer does, which is confusing for a child who can't understand what is really happening.

Enjolrass · 31/10/2015 09:18

You need to get to the bottom of why he stopped enjoying it. It could be that the coach was a bit off with him after the split. Or just as simple as sometimes kids get fed up. Mine love their hobby but randomly say they don't want to go.

If it's that the coach was off with him, then find somewhere new. If it was just general that he was a bit bored, then take him back.

It's not fair that he should miss out going the place he likes because of your relationship.

It wasn't a great idea, given that if it finished it would impact your son. But it's done now. You hoped it wouldn't finish. There isn't much you can do about that now.

Flip