My dd is 6, nearly 7. She has always been a strong willed child but recently her behaviour has been very difficult - just to clarify at outset she is a model child when at school and at friends' houses and can be lovely at home when she chooses. She is quite sociable and outgoing and has lots of friends.
She has always been very stubborn and demanding of her own way all the time though, and I think this is getting worse. Of relevance she has two younger siblings and I think often would like my one to one attention - she can be v clingy wanting to sit on my knee at meals etc. I think that perhaps my expectations of her as the eldest maybe are too high at times, and especially as she is v able and articulate compared to her middle sibling, who is more reserved and has been slower to talk. She is quite often nasty to her sibling, will say she hates him, which upsets me as I want them to get on - and at other times they do though they are very different.
Part of the problem is if I try to tell her off in a stern (not shouting) tone of voice she will say things like 'I don't like it when you speak in that angry voice' and 'I know you don't love me' - even though I have said lots of times that I love her even when I am cross with her, that I love her I just don't like her behaviour etc.
Examples of said behaviour in last couple of days are refusing to take her shoes off in house when asked then throwing a shoe at me from the stairs in angry fashion. Another is taking a bar of chocolate from cupboard, secreting it in her leggings and then trying to get away when I asked her to put it back, again culminating in anger, you don't love me etc. - and turning away when I tried to explain I do love her hence not wanting to let her eat lots of sweets!
I am concerned about the not loving her thing, I don't know if this is genuine or possibly to make me feel bad. She is so clingy it seems like she is insecure but she has always had a lot of love and attention - at least I hope, though I do work part time and have the other two who take a lot of my attention. She is, I would note, also very good when she has undivided attention!
I really want to enforce clear boundaries with her but it is upsetting when this leads her to accuse me of not loving her! I have shouted at her and got angry at times especially when tired but in general make a big effort not to. I am a bit guilty of making rash, empty threats that I don't follow through on so am trying to have real sanctions that get acted on and have implemented one today saying she can't go to am event she was invited to. I also make an effort to reinforce and comment on good behaviour.
I suppose what worries me is her anger and the not loving her thing. I have read that 6 can be a difficult age, they are more articulate and independent but still emotionally immature - just wondered if other people have experienced similar and had any advice?
Sorry for essay!