To want to TTC even though I'm not 100% sure?

[Writerwannabe83]

Me and DH are 32/33 and have a 20 month old DS.

Our opinions on the thought of having a second DC change all the time (especially my thoughts) in that some days I ache for another child but then the next day I think about all the ways it would make life harder.

Out of the two of us I want a second DC more than my DH does (he would be happy with just DS) but a few weeks ago he said he was prepared to sit down and discuss us having another but we never got round to having the conversation. Maybe I'm putting it off because I know I still have some doubts and I don't want him to pick up on them.

There are lots of practical reasons why we perhaps shouldn't have another but there are also lots of reasons as to why I do want one.

My friend told me that unless I'm 100% sure about having another then I shouldn't do it, but that sounds a bit like a Fairy Tale to me as surely it's normal to have some worries about the momentous life changing event of having a child? Is any child conceived in a 100% worry-free, doubt-free scenario?

Me and DH had worries about trying for DC1 but we still went ahead with TTC because we wanted a baby.

I guess my point is there's never a perfect time to have a baby is there so sometimes you have to just go for it? I was once told that if people waited for the 'perfect time' then nobody would have babies.

Me and DH have spoken about it a few times but I think I need to sit him down and have a serious conversation about it rather than the light hearted chats we usually have about it during dinner.

I don't think I will ever be 100% worry-free about the idea of TTC again because of my worries about the practicalities of having two, but I don't think that just because we have some concerns it means we should never have another baby?

I don't want DS to be an only child and I don't want us to put off having another because of some anxieties and then wake up 5 years later and regret not having done it.

I guess I need to know that even in families where DC1/2/3 came along and it caused worry and difficulties it all turned out right in the end.

AIBU to want to TTC even though I have worries about being pregnant again and worries about how having a second child would impact on our life?

YA definitely NBU!

When we started TTC I wasn't sure it was what I wanted, but I decided to bite the bullet as otherwise I felt I would never make a decision one way or another (bit like you describe - one day I would be a confident YES the next I would be adamant I didn't want children).

After six months of trying it was all I wanted and I couldn't think of much else. Now I am pregnant (still very early days) and I am very happy, but still wracked with moments of doubt when I wonder if it's the right thing for us, will I be a good mum... and a myriad of other worries.

I really don't think there is ever a 100% right time unfortunately, and as much as these things should be entered into with a degree of consideration, I do think you (generic!) can overthink yourself into a state of complete indecision.

Good luck whatever you decide!

I would go for it! My bil is an only child and he said he hated it. No one to play with at home etc. Believe it or not, it's actually easier with two, because they play together and keep one another entertained. Also, when you pass away, they will have each other. Not meaning to be depressing (!) but I do take comfort from the fact that when I pop my cloggs, my two will always have each other. Friends come and go. Partners can come and go. But, if you have a sibling, in most cases they will always be there for you. My Sister is my BF.

iliveatthebeach - my sister is my best friend too

I work with families and when I see lots of siblings playing together I feel upset that my DS may never have that. I want him to know what it feels like to be a brother, and how it feels to be an uncle and have nieces and nephews etc.

I wish my DH came from a close family because he then might understand better.

After all these replies I think I'm going to bite the bullet and talk to DH about it tonight

What you don't have, you don't miss. I know lots of happy only children. I also know lots of families where there is friction between siblings.

I don't know the details of your medical condition, but if there's a risk that you or the second child might be seriously affected, I'd count my blessings that I'd survived to bring one healthy child into the world and not take the chance again, just to stop him being an only child.

Especially since your dh is not fully on board with the idea of another child.

It's not unusual for people to feel their families aren't complete. Some women have a v strong hormonal urge to have another baby when the first is turning into a toddler. They miss the baby stage. But it passes and if there are valid medical or financial reasons why it's not a good idea, you shouldn't ignore them and hope for the best.

You need your dh to be on board. Not just to placate you (as nice as it is to be placated!) or give your son a sibling. I have a 22 month old ds and a 15 week old dd. We always wanted two (at least-I'd like another) and knew that we wanted them close together in age.
Dp is an excellent dad, he's been very supportive from the get go and adores our son but it was still a surprise to him how much more actual parenting he's had to do since I became pregnant and dd was born. In the first trimester I got really bad morning sickness and was exhausted so he took over some of the night wakings, towards the end of my pregnancy he started to get up early with ds and give him his breakfast- these are small examples of "extras" I used to do. He's had to make sacrifices at work despite me being a SAHM and doing the bulk of the childcare.
There is less room for us each to do our own thing. I know our babies are only tiny still but we have a friend with a 3 and a 6 year old and they say the same thing-every weekend is taken up with clubs and parties etc which often clash so both parents have to be involved when there's two. Parenthood should never be done under duress so really your problem seems to be convincing your dh- you sound pretty sold on the idea!

lots of good advice here.
best of luck with whatever you decide.

Thanks everyone.

I wish I had a crystal ball so I could look into my future and see what lies ahead because I just have no idea what to do.

I still haven't had that conversation with my DH, he's got a lot of stress on at work at the moment so I don't want to land all this on him.

Reading all these posts has given me a lot to think about, I suppose it's giving me a chance to try and work out what I want before dragging my DH into all my confusion.

DH is a fantastic dad and due to the nature of my work he plays a huge parenting role but I do wonder if he's worried about having to play that role to two children instead of just one.