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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wish dh wouldn't talk about work all night?

29 replies

bullbythehorn · 29/10/2015 11:09

Quite frankly I am getting fed up of dh telling me all about his colleagues who I haven't even met, jobs terms I don't understand. All this is in a moany, critical manner. He comes home, and the whole atmosphere changes. Bizarrely he quite enjoys his job, but seems to relish telling me how hard his day has been. I listen and reply appropriately but it is soooooooo boring. Especially when he repeats himself and tells me the same things again. He then sits glued to the laptop 'relaxing' for a couple of hours with the odd moan about work again thrown in later on while we watch TV. I am getting really fed up with him. AIBU to expect a bit more from my dh than this?

OP posts:

Pancakeflipper · 29/10/2015 11:11

Tell him he has between a particular time slot to discuss work then onto other topics.

catfordbetty · 29/10/2015 11:12

Try changing the subject.

Original poster

bullbythehorn · 29/10/2015 11:19

I've told him to relax now and stop talking about work but yes I may have to be more direct. I want to support him work wise but am so fed up now.

OP posts:

ShanghaiDiva · 29/10/2015 11:21

You appear to be married to my husband!

OneFlewOverTheDodosNest · 29/10/2015 11:26

DP has a habit of doing this. Sometimes it's because he's truly stressed about something, but others it's just having a moan and that gets so dull. I usually say "Ok, enough work talk - let's discuss something else now" and cut it short.

DrDreReturns · 29/10/2015 11:28

How boring. One thing my parents drilled into me was to keep work and home separate. I never, unless something exceptional has happened, talk about work at home. I think this is unusual, though. I came home once and a friend was visiting and she was amazed I didn't talk about work as soon as I got in!
Try and tell him he's got half an hour to 'vent' when he gets in, then you don't want to hear about it.

Original poster

bullbythehorn · 29/10/2015 11:35

I think he has a habit of becoming a bit inward looking and unable to think of other things but what's on his mind. Last night as he was on the laptop I cuddled up to him and got no reaction at all. I told him I may as well be out and he just said let me look at this then I'll talk to you. I feel quite sad really.

OP posts:

TeamBacon · 29/10/2015 11:41

DP used to do this, and after lots of tactful comments, trying to change the subject etc, I just told him. It didn't go down very well unfortunately, and now he refuses to talk about work at all

It was more bitching about colleagues though, and how people at his work are stupid, how they always do things wrong. It could go on for hours sometimes. :(

Original poster

bullbythehorn · 29/10/2015 11:53

TeamBacon - that is exactly what dh does. According to him everybody is rubbish apart from him, he has to do everything and sort everything out.

OP posts:

OurBlanche · 29/10/2015 12:07

We used to stand in our outside shed, have a fag and a bottle of beer and get it all out. The rule was we left work outside the house. We both worked in highly stressful jobs, it could get ridiculous!

Now, we no longer smoke, or have a shed... but we still set aside our first 10 minutes of home time for the whinging... then it MUST stop.

I did have to cry AT him once, just to get his attention. He was a bit surprised, a bit defensive, but once we had tried it he liked it and was the one who reworked it once we had moved and I stopped working as a teacher.

maras2 · 29/10/2015 12:55

DH was a bit like that years ago.More so when he'd had a few beers.I found that 'SHUT UP YOU BORING BASTARD' worked well.

welliesandleaves · 29/10/2015 13:17

YANBU. Anyone who bangs on about work all the time is annoying, especially when they go into nitty gritty details about their job. Unless your job involves lots of gossip about well known celebs or somesuch, people need to realise that to outsiders most people's jobs are just not-that-interesting.

overthemill · 29/10/2015 13:21

my dh is always going on about 'john' or 'nick' in great detail. i have never met them, never likely to meet them and whilst sorry their dad has died/wife had a baby/they've missed out on promotion i do not give a flying fuck about them! i have memorised the name of his boss and most colleagues he actually works on things on a daily basis. that all i am prepared to do. his job is boring

when i worked he never knew the name of my boss or colleagues

bimandbam · 29/10/2015 13:30

It's even worse for me. We run our own business so have to discuss it. However I do the paperwork and collect invoices so I really really don't need to know as much as I do.

Although I have never been on a building site in my life I could tell you quite a lot about them. And drylining and.plastering.

I just tell him now to change the subject. So then he will start telling me his stories from the past. All of which I have heard about a billionty million times before.

I wonder how we got so boring sometimes. I can usually recount a fun tale about how my new mop is moulting or ds having a scrap at toddler group. He talks about work or old stories. We used to be cool and fun ffs.

TeamBacon · 29/10/2015 14:02

It's bollocks, isn't it. He couldn't understand that I was happy to talk about work, but I wasn't happy to listen to him basically bitching about his colleagues.

I know it happens, I've been talking about work recently because there's been a lot going on, but I limit it. He would go on for hours and hours!

TeamBacon · 29/10/2015 14:02

Oh good, and now I'm repeating myself ;)

rocket74 · 29/10/2015 14:14

I can't bear it. DH picks me up from work and I'm barely in my seat most nights before he's offloading. One night was a detailed boring as fuckery description of a clients garage door frame that didn't quite fit. Or something. I then thought he had finished as he commented on someone crossing the road then went back to it.
At this point I did say 'are we still talking about this?!' In a lighthearted manner to which he screamed 'fuck off you fucking cunt' loudly in the car. He's an utter twat.
I'd rather listen to air con.

Skullyton · 29/10/2015 15:03

if you find out how, please let me know. i get an hour long (or more) run down of DH's entire work day every evening.

its soooooo tedious!

Skullyton · 29/10/2015 15:05

and i mean entire day, including conversations had with collegues.. i even get little diagrams drawn of things he's making...

MrsJayy · 29/10/2015 15:22

I went into the kitchen at 7 am and dh started on about how he was leaving early to do x y z i just yawned looked at him at took my coffee back to bed then the bugger followed me op i feel your pain if you find a solution share it,

MrsJayy · 29/10/2015 15:26

Oh gawd the john and nick stories bore me rigid there is2 johns at Dhs work i cant keep up with who is who.

StealthPolarBear · 29/10/2015 15:32

Rocket that is awful.
DH an I work in similar jobs, I like discussing work.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 29/10/2015 17:46

Yawn...

Some work stories are funny... Most are deeply boring and serve only to lengthen tje work day.

I had this with an ex boyfriend... He'd still be going on in detail at some tiny sleight at work a month later in the same repetitive detail....in the end I decided not to kill him...just made him my ex.... Perhaps you've married him.?

GruntledOne · 29/10/2015 17:52

I tend to read a book or come on here whilst muttering Mmmm at intervals.

PreciousxBane · 29/10/2015 18:12

DH and I met at work though we had very different roles so I understand the pressures of his work environment so its helpful though lots of the stuff is really not stuff I'm interested in.

He bought work home last night but they were scientific experiments all over the dining room table personally I prefer him tapping on his laptop. There was a stand off at the front door while I checked no weird stuff was being brought in to the house, he offered to eat some to show me it was non toxic.

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