The background is that my friend was at uni with me and have, I thought, a friendship going back over many years. Her DH and my DH get on well and they have been on holiday with us and our DC and are godparents to DC1. I used to meet friend for lunch quite often when we both worked in the city, but much less since she changed jobs, although kept in contact.
Friend's DH likes a drink and friend will drink wine although I think she is a bit wary of alcohol, as her father was an alcoholic. I only know this because her DH told me, as friend is very private and does not confide in people although she is very interested in other people's problems - not in a negative way, as she is supportive - but just doesn't share anything of her background.
Anyway, friend's DH had to come to see a client in the town where we live and suggested meeting for lunch, which I was happy to do. We did have several drinks, I would say about 5 over about 3 hours. We were just chatting and catching up (all very open and above board BTW) but after a few drinks, friend's DH confided that he was finding it difficult because friend's new job was situated several hundred miles away and, although she came home at weekends, he was finding this difficult. I think he couldn't understand why she didn't want to be with him and was hurt by this. (Friend and DH have no DC together although he has 2 from a previous marriage so no problems re childcare etc).
The conversation then progressed to my saying that I was very fond of friend but found it difficult that despite our years of friendship, she still did not feel that she could confide in me. Friend's DH said that she didn't confide in him either.
Anyway, we finished lunch/drinks, friend's DH went home and I thought no more about it other than it was a nice lunch and feeling a bit sorry for him.
I then saw my friend for lunch a month or two later and she was distinctly off with me. She was amiable on the face of it, but said she didn't know why people had children if they weren't going to look after them themselves (I have worked full time for most of my career but by the time I met her DH had started working from home on a self-employed basis so more flexibility which is why I was free to meet her DH for lunch). She also said that my DC were disrespectful of me, which I was very hurt by. In my view, they are just normal DC but in any event much older now. She said that it was good to be working away from her DH as he would then appreciate her more.
After this lunch, I did not hear from friend apart from Christmas cards (in her DH's writing). She ignored various chatty e-mails and I thought this must be the end of the friendship but I persevered because we have been friends for so long and because she is godmother to my eldest. She was also very kind to my other DC when they were young, even coming to look after them for a week as she said I and DH needed a break. It was a random offer which we were happy to accept but came entirely from her. She also has about 7 other godchildren - she offered to become a god parent when DC1 was born but now seems to have lost interest entirely.
Eventually, last week, we met up after she and DH accepted my invitation to go out for lunch for my DH'd birthday. She was very chatty and friendly but 'explained' the fact that we had not met for several years by saying that her DH had been in a terrible drunken state after having lunch with me and had even lost some of his possessions on the train home. Her DH looked a bit sheepish and said that this was true. He also teased me and said, as I was drinking a glass of water (I had wine as well) - 'Oh look, Mrs C is drinking water, that's a first'. I just laughed and didn't really comment.
Friend and DH gave us big hugs when we left and invited us to stay at theirs , which we couldn't on the date suggested, but I suppose the friendship is sort of repaired. However, I am left a bit 'meh' about it or probably, more accurately, remain a bit hurt.
Also, her DH got very drunk on cocktails when they had dinner with us about 20 years ago (apparently urinated in the street on the way home), which she used to remind us about every so often.
Sorry this is long, but AIBU to think that people's alcohol consumption is their own responsibility and that I should not be blamed if her DH drinks too much. For what it's worth, I have lunch quite often with friends, some of whom don't drink alcohol at all. It doesn't bother me what people drink but AIBU to think it is not my fault if a consenting adult drinks too much?