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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to be pissed that she asked dh for my contact details but hasn't contacted me

31 replies

Madbythesea · 28/10/2015 21:54

Talk _Chat
Threads in this topic are removed 90 days after the thread was started.
WWYD BC talk at church1
Today 21:25 Madbythesea

I had breast cancer 4 years ago chemo and a mastectomy. I'm only 36 with 2 young children.
My dh came home from church on Sunday and while he was there another member asked about a tattoo he's got.

Its the breast cancer awareness ribbon with some text around it. He got it done shortly after I was diagnosed. She asked him about it and he told her my story.

Anyway, she then told him that she was a ranging a "talk" about it. While they were chatting DH discovered that she knows of no congregants who have had BC, dh went on to list a few that he knew, mainly because of his very visible tattoo, which causes people to talk to him about it.

So this woman asks him for my contact details as she would like me to come along. She's not contacted me and has sent out an email to all of us about her little talk.

Also, dh had discovered when chatting to her about bc and the wider ranging effects (the trauma that it caused my children, the PTSD I now suffer from having it), that she has no close personal experiences of it.

I'm sort of annoyed, and as most of the congregants are elderly, I'm also annoyed on their behalfs. I'm not sure if I should go or not.WWYD?

OP posts:
ChilliAndBint · 29/10/2015 00:07

I think she is a bit scared of approaching you, perhaps lacks the skills and /or confidence to speak to you directly.

Mmmmcake123 · 29/10/2015 00:52

BFG sorry my post is so delayed, MN posting delay issues!
I also organise many appointments and events but I think when I am prioritising I don't make mistakes on the same level as the organiser for this event.
For each person involved or just possibly in this case, I think it is par for the course that you consider their involvement. She didn't ask op to speak, but there has been no empathy for op whatsoever.

Mmmmcake123 · 29/10/2015 00:59

It's just not on to accept that the organiser is so busy she doesn't have time for the op.
I can't speak for op but before BC there were probably times like all of us that she didn't empathise fully in certain situations (sorry op, I may be wrong).
My point is that BC has become a fundraising free for all which in many ways is commendable, but not when it's in your face daily, happy runners all doing their bit.
If it is local for op then she should be consulted

Booyaka · 29/10/2015 08:14

Mmmmcake, that's just silly. Do you have any idea how many people have or have had breast cancer? The idea that you should consult all local's who've had an experience before doing any fundraising is absolutely ridiculous. Nobody would ever get anything done! Several people in my family have had BC and if they had to be consulted every time a fundraiser took place they would do very little else apart from be consulted!

It would have been nice if she'd asked the OP to take part. But there are plenty of reasons why she might have felt it might not be right for the kind of fundraiser she is doing. For example, if she is trying to encourage people to examine their breasts or go for mammograms she might not feel that having someone who's had a mastectomy and chemo take part would be constructive.

A lot of people (including my late MIL who died from BC) are very, very resistant to early detection methods because they have an ingrained assumption that if you get BC you have immediate, very drastic and invasive treatment which makes you very, very ill. This isn't always the case these days, but the idea that it does makes some people reluctant to do things that will detect it early because they think it's preferable to just let nature take it's course. If the talk is something like that it could be very counterproductive to have someone talk who has had drastic and invasive treatment.

Mmmmcake123 · 29/10/2015 21:40

Boo, I don't think the person should feel she has to ask op to be involved, neither do I think consult everyone, as you say, that would be silly. However if you hear someone's experience from a partner and then take a number, I do think it is reasonable to make contact as that person could be waiting for the call. If the call didn't come I would imagine feeling that the organiser had somehow sidelined my experience. IMO it is just common decency to make that courtesy call.

BackforGood · 29/10/2015 22:30

But don't you ever have a busy week Mmmm ?
Monday - thursday are pretty full on in this household. On Fridays and Saturdays I then try and make the time to catch up with e-mails or calls I have to make, or whatever. It's not uncommon at all for me to be at work, and then out at something in the evening and not back until it's too late to call someone for several days running.
Maybe the lady is the same. We just don't know.
She might have lost the number.

It might be that OP's dh read more into it than she intended.
It might be she did try and the OP missed the call
It might be she has decided not to contact people personally.
But I wouldn't assume it was anyone being rude for not phoning someone for 3 days - perfectly normal / acceptable time frame.

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