Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Help me to not BU regarding Secret Santa presents for siblings

26 replies

Dungandbother · 28/10/2015 15:47

I have gone in circles and nobody has been unreasonable YET so this is a backwards AIBU thread Grin

What is the fairest way for my siblings and I have a secret santa pot which is fair to everyone in our different circumstances? Help me...

Siblings
A - couple, two children
B - single mum, two children
C - couple, two children
D - couple no children
E - couple, one child

5 families
9 adults
7 children

We've agreed on a secret santa type pot so everyone gets one present of equal value. And less 'stuff' for the children.
Everyone agrees to spend more on the children than the adults.

We all typically spend £15-20 on each child and we've done all sorts of deals with adults - some agree not to buy each other to save money whilst others are happy to spend regardless.

It is hurting my brain. Should each family put money in the pot, or each adult?
How do we prevent unfairness to the childless couple? Or the single mum?

OP posts:
TheAnimatedRemainsOfMaryz · 28/10/2015 15:54

9 adults - each adult spends, say £20, on one other adult.

Children - everyone buys whatever present they like for the children. Maybe have a limit per child, or a limit per family. Few children will notice, for example, that the single mother only spends a fiver per child whereas the richest couple spend a tenner per child.

If I was one of the parents, I would also suggest buying something extra for the couple with no children, as they are the ones that get screwed in a situation like this.

TheAnimatedRemainsOfMaryz · 28/10/2015 16:00

And I can't believe this is the second Christmas aibu I've posted on.

And it's only fucking October.

[sob]

moocowmrs · 28/10/2015 16:07

I would get everyone to pay a set amount, they decide this equally back out for present buying so eg 10 per person so in family of 4 pay 40, the total is then divided back out with a bias towards the children to be spent by the secret Santa.

Original poster
Dungandbother · 28/10/2015 16:12

Maryz I like the idea of splitting apart adults and children, that makes much more sense adult wise than a pot

Moocow that's very feasible , will scribble some numbers on paper

OP posts:
JeffsanArsehole · 28/10/2015 16:14

We have Secret Santa for adults (£50) - it's split however they want it to be in couples (or they might want a housey gift instead)

It means that everyone, whether in a couple or not, only have to spend £50.

It's made Christmas so much cheaper.

We all still buy for all the children. When they go to uni they age out and can join the £50 adults

Witchend · 28/10/2015 16:15

I would say that for each present you receive you give one.
So a couple could choose to receive one each, but then give two, or joint and give one.

Then for the children agree a limit per child per present and all the families give one. A limit of £5 say us perfectly enough to get a little something.

bookwormbeagle · 28/10/2015 16:25

Why not write all the adults names down on a slip of paper, fold, put in a bowl. Then repeat process in a 2nd bowl.

Do a draw whereby person from bowl 1 buys for person pulled from bowl 2. If a match is drawn out then redraw. Set a limit of £30, £40 say and agree not to go over that.

Then buy for children as individuals.

Original poster
Dungandbother · 28/10/2015 16:31

Genuis bookworm
Love that idea and will instruct Grandma to get out some bowls and adjudicate

Thanks MN so much, I couldn't for the life of me see this clearly.

OP posts:
InternalMonologue · 28/10/2015 17:12

To confuse the situation - are couples being classed as one entity for the bowls or individuals? What if Person 1 of couple A draws Person 2 of couple A, they're already buying each other something presumably.

Original poster
Dungandbother · 28/10/2015 17:22

Bugger

OP posts:
Original poster
Dungandbother · 28/10/2015 17:22

Ooh I know
More bowls!!

OP posts:
Boredofthinkingofnewnames · 28/10/2015 18:45

We have a £50 limit or adults and buy whatever for the children.

bookwormbeagle · 29/10/2015 08:43

Ok to clarify, for adults we buy as individuals (although if couples want to join up and have a double gift for house/theatre trip etc that can be coordinated by the givers!)
So an example with 10 people.
Bob buys for John
Sue buys for Claire
Carol buys for Peter
John buys for Michelle
Claire buys for bob
Peter buys for jane
Michelle buys for David
Jane buys for carol
Helen buys for sue
David buys for Helen

CandyRainShower · 29/10/2015 08:56

I have just seen a post on the Christmas board,ahem that there is a secret Santa organising website Elfster.com which might help... Grin

RufusTheReindeer · 29/10/2015 09:52

dung

More bowls

That tickled my fancy for some reason

bookwormbeagle · 29/10/2015 09:58

Sorry monologue forget to say we redraw if happen to pull out your oh/DH/significant other. It's easier if there's lots of people!

dreamiesrcatgak · 29/10/2015 10:07

This is a great idea. I'm far from tight, but as the only childless sibling, it does grate handing over 6 decent presents totalling £150+ to my sisters family, and in return each year without fail I get a pair of pyjamas. Cheap ones. The kids range from 21 downwards so not little ones either, but still don't get separate gifts from any of them. It's more hurtful than anything else, but that's a whole other thread!

CorydonFrills · 29/10/2015 10:42

We do a separate draw for adults and children, with the amount for the children being much less. So the people with no young children only participate in the adults draw. And we use an online tool: www.drawnames.com. You can set it up so that it prevents people from being matched with their spouses or previous year's pick. It also lets you link a wish list.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 29/10/2015 11:00

This is really interesting. I was going to suggest this for my family, but then I am the only sibling with children so I didn't want it to be unfair for any of the others.

ThisUserNameIsAlreadyTaken · 29/10/2015 11:11

I think you're over complicating it.

Secret Santa for adults/over 18s only.

Names in a bowl/hat whatever, each adult picks one, done.

Set a limit.
Option to pick again if you pick a spouse/partner.

Kids buy separately, with a budget if you wish.

ShowOfBloodyStumps · 29/10/2015 11:15

We're doing a secret santa this year. Adults only. You buy for one other person and the limit is set at a certain amount. We have all given vague ideas of what we like/need (so I said tights/slippers/notebooks/biros/a book I like) so they have a bit of inspiration but don't have to use the suggestions if they have an idea already.

The children we buy for separately to this and it's up to individual people to decide what to buy and how much to spend. Just like any other year.

Much like ThisUserName says.

JWIM · 29/10/2015 11:20

We have one childless single sibling who we (3 siblings plus partners) always buy a 'proper' present for as they buy our children 'proper' presents. We siblings then set a 'theme' with sometimes a price limit of £5 pp.

This year it is your best present for siblings and partners, and we include our single sibling in this, from a £1 shop - 99p shops also allowed. No definition of 'best' but the idea came from watching the TV programme recently and realising that depending on where each sibling lives some are within walking distance of a selection of said stores and others would have to make a trip by car to get to just one.

hellsbellsmelons · 29/10/2015 12:11

My sisters and I do a secret santa.
I control it all.
We send lists to all of what we want around £50 mark. I pull names out of a 'hat' and let each one know who they are buying for and that's all done and dusted.
We are all different with regards to kids etc...
So we all put the same amount into another pot and split it between all the children. As 1 sister has no kids it just seemed fairer that way.
Simples!!!

TJEckleburg · 29/10/2015 12:17

All adults in our family do a SS
So mum, dad, aunt, uncle, me, dh, db, dsil, dsis, dbil.

Everyone buys for my two kids, and this year for db's baby. Kids give presents to each couple- these are obv paid for by me, but when they were little we're just framed photos, now they're older they make stuff- fudge, cookies etc and package nicely

Boosiehs · 29/10/2015 12:24

A vote for Elfster here. We used it last year and it was brilliant - will be doing again this year.

It also allows yout o do a wish list for ideas for presents!