To not want to go to this wedding?

[themulberrybush1]

My DH's brother is getting married 4 weeks on Friday. It's an 8hr drive away and we're taking his uncle and mum in our car.

We have a 4 yo DD who's staying my sister while we're gone for 2 reasons. 1 being that she would be bored senseless as it's not really a family orientated wedding (booze orientated night before and no other kids going to the wedding) and we felt the drive would be too much for only going for 2 nights. And now, secondly, there's no room in the car as we're now taking the uncle.

I'm 6 months pregnant with severe back pain that I'm undergoing physio for. The drive down is not appealing for this reason.

I didn't really fancy it much due to the distance and now because I won't be able to soften the blow with alcohol!

We found out at the weekend that when we get there the women and men are being split into two groups on the Thursday night so we're not even going to be spending any time together as soon as we arrive. I'd presumed we'd have a big family dinner since we don't see his brother often and I thought he would've liked to have spent the time with his mum and all of us before the wedding. So this means we'll get there then DH will be going off to the the pub and I'll be left with all the women in his family and the bride to be. This has tipped me over the edge tbh and I've been quite upset about it. I'm emotional anyway just now and in pain and I'm upset I won't be spending any time with DH practically the whole time as he'll be with his brother from the morning of the wedding until we get to the reception.

Additionally, I've been saving for a few months as I knew it would be expensive but now his mum has recently been made redundant and has no money so we're having to pay for her hotel, meals, drinks and everything when we're there. This is leaving us really tight with Christmas coming up , the baby and me going into mat pay.

If I don't go DH could share a room with his uncle which would be cheaper and obv less on meals etc for me anyway.

But I feel really guilty about not going, it's DH's brother wedding. There's been no question of me not going up until now.

Really looking for impartial advice please.

Don't go and tell everyone your midwife has told you not to travel long distances. I also think it's weird that you have to pay for your MIL, I'd have thought if that was anyone's responsibility it was the Groom's.

I agree, it's not so much the "being pregnant" that's the issue as the "excruciating back pain" part that goes with it. When pg with DS2, I developed SPD - there's no way I'd have been able to sit in a car for that length of time by then, I could barely manage an hour.

Also your DH is being taken for a ride by either his mother, or his brother, or both. His brother should be paying at least half for his mother, if not the whole amount.

Definitely swaying towards not going now after all your comments.

And getting annoyed again about paying for everything for their mum after I'd not long came to terms with it!

Don't go I would maybe put your foot down about paying for MIL it should be shared

I've got sciatica at the moment and it's flippin painful! There is no way I would be getting into a car for an 8 hour journey.

The back issue is enough for you to be staying at home. Drop the guilt and do the right thing for yourself

No way in hell would I go. And wtf is up with this splitting up the family into a men's group and a women's group the night before? That's kind of pathetic - sounds like a forced hen/stag party the night before without asking anybody if they are actually interested in attending a hen/stag!

By the way, you and your DH paying for his mother to attend his brother's wedding is outrageous. ALL siblings should be paying for it. Or else you should not be giving his brother a wedding gift - paying for his mother to attend can count as their wedding gift.

It's funny you say that about the gift.. I said to DH that we'll have to reduce the amount of cash we give them as a gift now and to let his brother know and why. He mentioned it to him and got an "oh right" then the topic moved swiftly on

I've been out today and my back and leg (sciatica) is really sore and feeling teary about the whole thing again. Bloody hormones.

Sorry the sore back comment was because it's made me think more about how uncomfortable I'll be on the drive down.