AIBU or is he being mean?

[toolonglurking]

I'm 17 weeks pregnant and have been really tired for the last few weeks.
Before I got pregnant I used to cycle a lot and go to spin classes three times a week.
Not long after I found out I was pregnant I went out on my bike but started bleeding, ended up in hospital for a scan as it was thought I was miscarrying.
Since then I've not cycled much, and I've stopped going to spin, but I still walk lots and eat healthy.

The point - my partner just told me that he thinks I've been lazy, making excuses and he thinks I need to be more active again.

He isn't usually such an arse, if he is being an arse, he might have a point, I have been way less active, but I thought it was normal.

I'm all confused, but my AIBU is - AIBU in not carrying on as normal, or should I tell him to stop being such an arse?

I used to fall asleep at 6pm when I was pregnant. It was like I'd had two hours sleep the night before I was so tired. The two block walk to the station felt like a marathon by the end, my hips were so sore.

Walking and eating well is fine, you don't need to manage more than that.

Tell him when he has experienced pregnancy for himself, then he can comment, until then tell the cheeky twat to support you and shut the fuck up.

I kept falling asleep when I was pregnant, never got to see a film to the end, half an hour in and I was snoring, like a pig

An analogy I found useful in the entire duration later stages of pregnancy was that it's as though you've done everything you've done that day plus climbing a hill in terms of calorie needs, stress on joints, tiredness, etc.

If you've been soldiering on to the point of hospitalisation then he may be suffering under the delusion that that level of activity was sustainable. Disabusing him of that misapprehension is task number one. Depending on his character that might involve telling him to jog on, or sitting down patiently with a pregnancy book, or getting a midwife to give you both a scary bollocking.

That said, the yoga and aqua natal sound like they'd do you a lot of good so hopefully they'll both make you more comfortable and also change his mindset.

Our antenatal teacher loaded up a kind of bumbag with the extra weight we were each carrying (eg 5lb of baby at the time, another couple of pounds each for waters, placenta, bf fat stores, etc) and got the fathers to walk round the room with it on. And then reminded them that we had no option to take it off again even at night ... Maybe a similar demonstration could be helpful for yours.

I am a badass. I ran the London marathon last year (plus some half marathons, 10ks, 5ks). I walked up Snowdon while 3 weeks pregnant. I used to go to the gym at least 3 times a week.

Then in week 7 of pregnancy, I bled after a "gentle" half hour run. A few days later I bled after an even gentler session on the crosstrainer. A week after that, I bled after a swimming session.

I stopped everything except gentle walking, really slow swimming and pregnancy yoga. No more bleeds. I now have a 6 month old sleep thief son who was worth cutting back for.

I planned to work up to 38 weeks, but ended up begging work for part time hours for a couple of weeks before finishing work at 36 weeks. I am a badass, and pregnancy kicked my arse. I would rather run a marathon each day than relive the early sick days or the later exhausted days. Genuinely.

Your bloke has no understanding of how exhausting pregnancy is. To be fair, I didn't either.

Omg, perhaps because I'm pregnant too, this has really riled me up! 'You used to be like this and now you're like this'!! Has he missed the part about you growing another human being in one of your organs? So fucking annoying and ignorant and insensitive.

If it makes you feel any better I'm 6 months and have been knackered the entire time. I didn't go to my yoga class tonight as I would've had to stop for petrol on the way and I felt this was too much for one evening! Give yourself a break you've done fantastically well to keep as active as you have.

Oh YANBU btw, in case you couldn't tell!

Thank you all so much for your replies, I really appreciate (and needed) the support.
My partner called me again last night to apologise again, but this time to about that he has no idea quite how much is changing for me, since he can't really see anything (I don't jabs much of a bump yet etc). I took your advice and educated him on what is going on and sent him a couple of articles about what to expect as a dad and partner of a pregnant woman and he admitted that he'd been an arse and that he's had his head in the sand.
We are going to start planning the babies bedroom this weekend so it can all start to feel a bit more real for him., and I'm going to make an effort to talk to him more about what's going on with me.
It was a crappy way to get the conversation started but at least now we are on the same page.
Thank you so much!

So glad he's copped on, OP. Well done.

Good to see he understands ... I used to fall asleep in the time it took for my after work cup of tea took to cool down to drinking temperature. Tired really didn't cover it. My dh got home about 2 hours after me to find an untouched cup of tea and me snoring in the chair.

OP, that is good news - hopefully he's turned the corner in terms of understanding where you are at, and what lies ahead of both of you. Well done.