I have lurked on Mumsnet for long enough to know that these threads rarely turn out well, with one half scolding and urging you to do things you just can't do and the other half informing you that you should be ecstatically happy because things could be worse!
With that caveat that I am firstly, relatively content most of the time and also that I am a happy person by nature (parents used to say I had a naturally "sunny" temperament, which is nice :)) I'll say what I don't think about all the time but creeps into my mind during my darkest moments.
I've never been in a relationship: nor, at my age (mid thirties) do I see this ever happening. I haven't been in a relationship in the past because of a variety of different reasons - bullying at school (from boys, not girls) led me to believe I was unattractive and also I suspect something happened in childhood or adolescence or both, as my brother (similar age) has also never been in a relationship, which is pretty unusual. I've had counselling but while I was able to identify why being in a relationship had never happened in the past, I suspect I just came to it all a little late. At any rate, the things people typically suggest get me nowhere (failed miserably during many attempts at online dating, including match, guardian, singlefriend and plentyoffish, so have tried extensively!) - I have given up, now.
I believe I can still be very happy and I spend time indulging my hobbies and seeing friends and I have in many ways a very nice life.
But, when I feel a bit low or sad, which for all sorts of reasons I do today, I do feel an aching sense of loss that I have never been loved or experienced love. Some of my friends have done some lovely things including travel, romantic weekends away in beautiful areas of the country, indulged hobbies and interests as a couple (always more pleasurable, I feel) and even things such as taking a walk or watching a TV show are made "nicer" by the addition of one more person.
I realise bad relationships can be horrible, of course, but I do feel sad and a real sense of loss at something I've never truly experienced and something I can't fully understand.
I am interested in your replies - but please don't tell me that being single is worse than being in a bad relationship as I do know this and have supported one friend in particular through a horrible domestic abuse situation - but my thread isn't about that.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
AIBU?
To feel that my life has been wasted
14 replies
Treaclecats · 27/10/2015 17:34
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.