To not understand whats so hard to 'get' about the fact my DS doesn't like halloween?

[Skullyton]

Ds is 9, he as ASD among other behavioural disabilities.

he HATES costumes, especially halloween costumes, anything halloween actually scares him.

Its bad enough that even walking through town with him this time of year involves him spending most of the time with his head buried in my side under my coat.

But OMG, the amount of people who comment when he reacts to something he see's that he didnt expect.

"Stop pandering to it!

"Its only a costume/make up"

"Its not real"

"Grow up/stop being silly"

and my fave

"Boys are supposed to like this stuff"

Ugh.. I really want to just yell at them!

The school had a halloween party this last week and DD who does enjoy this stuff wanted to go, so i had to pick her up from the KS1 party as the KS2 kids were arriving for theirs.

i had to take DS as DH was at work, so i'm walking around with him inside my coat, hand over his eyes and just guiding him as kids kept calling him to look, or the occasion he did come out from under my hand they would suddenly just jump at him in costume.

He was OBVIOUSLY scared, and the parents just kept letting them do it.. seriously, who does that shit? Your kids might think its funny, but since when was it funny to allow your child to terrify someone elses?

I do understand, my little grandson doesn't like noise and hated his first Halloween disco at school, and was nervous of the costumes.
I know it isn't 'manly' but bugger off.
He will learn to cope with it and until then I will stay with him until he feels confident

If he doesn't he can stay away, but the lure of the sweetie bag they received was too strong this year.

(As an aside, surely in US, where this sort of celebration began, tiny children have funny/superhero/character costumes rather than the ghoulish outfits here, sported by tiny children?)

YANBU. I hope he's ok, not long till it's all over.

By the way, I celebrate Samhain but funnily enough, not with decapitated bodies and zombies.

Earthy, i'm a pagan, and we will be celebrating Samhain, but its done with food and candles!

I dont mind halloween, i like that dd enjoys it like i used to when i was little, i just wish people would leave DS alone!

YaNbu. It's a scary time, my dts brother (half brother) does not have a sn, and likes the idea of Halloween, but the masks and some shop displays scare him. He's 7, but big, and looks about 10, and gets lots of 'oh don't be silly, you're not a baby comments'.

It's not fair that any child, but especially someone with asd should be treated like this.

Ignore ignorant comments and keep reassuring ds. Soon be over. X

ASD or not if he's scared, he's scared. There's nothing wrong with that.

My NT DB was scared of the dark until teenage years and still a bit funny about thunder at 33.

They need to nob off

In your situation if someone told my ds yo 'stop being silly' I'd tell them to fuck off!

OP my son's identical. Hates It too it freaks him out. Wouldn't even go into school when his teacher came out to get the class wearing a ski mask spattered in fake blood.

Ive read recently that those who love Halloween and horror films have low attention spans.
So maybe you're railing against those who also have some kind of SN? The parents do sound like callous arseholes though.

I understand what it's like to have a child who is terrified, my dcs couldn't even handle Santa when they were small.

We gave them cinema glasses to wear as a 'shield' , like X-ray specs, and kept telling them the costumes weren't 'real', that it was make up.

Maybe try and do some crafting with him to let him see how a mask is made. My dd in particular loves making masks- it gives her control over how they look and she can appreciate how someone has constructed their costume now as she's done it herself, without the overwhelm of it!

We quite like Halloween now they're a little bit older. Though the goreyness and gruesomeness of Halloween is getting more and more amplified I think as people get horror fatigue!

my son hates christmas he is only two (three in january) but tinsel sends him into a quivering wreck he shudders over trees and shiny wrapping paper makes him cry

This year is the first year my NT son has not been it fits of tears.

No one has ever commented on it. The people who have commented on it you are dicks.

Ds also hates anyone dressed up as a character. We went to a party where the ninja turtles turned up. Ds hid with me for half an hour. All the other mothers didn't even bat an eyelid.

"Boys are supposed to like this stuff"

Yeah. Gotta love the brain dead sexist nonsense. Plenty of it around too.

I know adults who cannot bear Halloween. I have a friend who lives alone and suffers from anxiety and she absolutely dreads it. Masks and costumes freak her out. She lives in quite a rough area and she dreads every knock on the door.

Halloween is becoming like Christmas - ridiculously commercialised and over hyped and one of those things that everyone is supposed to get super-excited about. Well not everyone does.

DD also hated christmas .... one year a school.prise was to meet santa first on stage as a special treat/gift ...yep she won it!!! she was found under a chair hiding ....

I don't get why it's difficult for people to get that not everyone is even "into" Halloween. We're not, but considered odd. I never have and never will take DS trick or treating. Because it's made into a massive thing we do a pumpkin, film and sweets that we bought. We also put a no trick or treating sign up. I don't have an issue with people who are into it. But I do t get why were so odd...

venus are you saying that liking Halloween=low attention span=SN?

That's quite a leap.

It really really fucks me off when people can't be sensitive to other people's disabilities or needs just because they don't understand them!

People wouldn't moan at my dad or take the piss when he turned down sugary food because of his diabetes. So why should something related to your son's condition invite everyone else's opinion?! It's up to you as his mum how you choose to help him and manage his fear. My little boy is undergoing a diagnosis of dyspraxia, so I am sure he will get the odd ignorant comment as he gets older. People just need to learn to keep their opinions to themselves.

So no, YANBU!

YABU to expect ignorant idiots to be more understanding at Halloween but sorry that your ds is bearing the brunt of their ignorance.

I used to love Halloween (even trick or treating) but I do think it is getting more and more gruesome every year. Paid for petrol at Tesco yesterday and they had a trail of bloody footprints leading through the kiosk ffs.

"Boys are supposed to like this stuff" Yep. Happens the other way too. DD loves zombies, blood, loud noises. In shops where they sell this stuff they are happy to show it to boys but when DD wanders up they look worried and ask, "will she be OK?" I know she's an angelic looking 4 yo, but bring on the screaming, red eyed rats. Weird kid.

I never let her do that stuff near children who look unhappy about it though. And, there are plenty. Lots of children have slow approach to stuff and wouldn't like a surprise/shock.

I've never really liked Halloween either. I've never been trick or treating or to a Halloween party.

I'm not looking forward to Friday, we live on a main road and every time the door knocks the dogs go bonkers and it takes ages to calm them, which sets me off not barking at the door, just anxiety. I don't want people knocking on my door in the dark, DH leaves for work and I lock the door and don't open it again till he gets in.

I know that sounds hysterical but it wasn't so long ago we had a bloke knock on with a knife in his hand, he'd been thrown out of the local pub, threatened to stab a taxi driver and then chose my front door to try the handle of, then knock on to see if he could get some money. Luckily DH was in and Mr. Stabby didn't get over the threshold, but if I'd been on my own, who knows what would have happened.

But no OP, YANBU and the people allowing their children to scare your poor ds were arseholes.

I get quite a few visits from people but will be locking the door after DS2 gets home. DS1 doesn't really like it, DS2 loves it, I bear it.

It's when the fireworks start that I hide inside.

Sorry those DC behaved terribly towards your DS.

Just make it a family night.
In 20 years, I never went trick or treating.
I can understand how bad the constant knocking must be and the costumes.

Try to pick something good like giving him some chocolate to look forward to and best of luck to you both.

Ive read recently that those who love Halloween and horror films have low attention spans. So maybe you're railing against those who also have some kind of SN?

I have adhd and horror films bore me with their predictability. But I do love free candy which I will be taking off DD this year. So there's that anecdotal tidbit.

OP, YAB just a teensie bit U, but only about the children scaring him.

If a child doesn't want to participate, he doesn't want to participate. The parents should be reigning their children in. In a perfect world this would happen.

In reality, these kids are probably already hyped up and over stimulated on all the excitement that they're not thinking about that. Hyper impulsive behavior is going to happen at any party. At a Halloween party where kids are taught to jump and say "boo!" or try to scare each other, that's going to happen, and the kids that young don't understand the difference between a child jumping and screaming because they're startled (and having fun) and a child that is being genuinely frightened and not having fun.

Unfortunately it can't be helped for you. But bringing him into a Halloween party when you know he's going to be frightened already and then getting upset that the kids are doing what you knew they would do is just a bit unreasonable. But I understand that it's still upsetting that your child was frightened.

The adults though need to be smacked upside the head. They are old enough to know better and respect that some kids don't enjoy certain things, and are certainly mature enough to understand that SN kids struggle with certain things.

There's no excuse for them, unless they didn't understand that your son has ASD. They might not understand the severity of what their children are doing. They might think he's just being shy or afraid in the same way you are when going through a haunted house, scared by not traumatically so, if that makes sense.

YANBU at all. Some people are just so narrowminded, they have zero ability to put themselves in other people's shoes.

I was at junior school with a girl who didn't like ice cream. The number of times people tried to force her to eat it, because she must like it really - no she didn't!

And as for letting their children scare your son, that's just bloody rude. Even if he didn't have ASD, if he was scared by the costumes for whatever reason, that's no reason to continue to scare him, that sort of attitude sickens me.

My DS also hated Halloween and its nonsense when he was a bit younger. His older sister loved the social aspect of gathering with her friends, in fancy dress, at the school discos - but for my son, it was a little too much. He has sensitive ears and is an absolute stickler for routine and order - and Halloween has no order. It's absolute chaos. We've never gone trick-or-treating (because I don't think it's particularly safe, to be honest), and there's no dressing up or answering the front door on that night. But what we do have is a treasure hunt for DS, through the house. Because it distracts him from what's going on outside, and... well, it's fun. There are riddles he has to solve to find the next clue, and at the end? He has a prize. He loves it. It also gives him something to talk about at school with his friends who are allowed to go trick-or-treating. (If only I could distract the dog from the persistent knocking at our front door, in a similar way, the night would be perfect!)

Perhaps, OP you could try something similar. Since we started the annual treasure hunt, and DS went into school and told his friends about it, a few have asked their parents if they could do the same (I know this, because the mums asked me if I'd have their DC over so that they could join in, rather than do it, themselves, in their own homes). Much of Halloween, I think, is the chatter after it's done; the "oh, I dressed up as X", the "oh, I got Y amonut of sweets"... the social aspect of it all. But not everyone likes dressing up (I don't), or the chaos of what is, essentially, begging at strangers doors. They all seem to enjoy chattering about it the next day, and if your DS feels left out... a treasure hunt or something similar might help him to realise that Halloween is just another night?