People Who Talk About How Generous They Are

[AlanPacino]

Someone I know tells me about what they have given to who, they also FB 'share' donations they have made to Just Giving including sharing a 'I'm a top giver' award they got. Do you know anyone like that and does it irritate you. Their need to tell people seems counter their generosity in that it seems they give to be able to tell others in hopes that they're seen in a certain light. I feel physically embarrassed for them when they are telling me about it because I don't think they have a clue how strange it seems. Maybe I'm the odd one??

Yanbu. As soon as someone starts telling you about it (aka bragging) it becomes about them and stops being a selfless act or even that charitable.

I don't mind FB posts where people say things like "This is sheer you can donate to X cause if you want to" if it's a one off and topical/relevant/potentially useful.

Sheer should be where. Autocorrect thinks it knows best

YANBU.

I also dislike seeing threads started by someone itching to tell us how they did a good deed for some poor homeless, penniless or mentally ill or disabled or elderly and bewildered person, or paid for someone's shopping at the checkout because they didn't have enough money on them.

It always starts with the backstory 'I saw this poor woman/man/child blah, it broke my heart blah, isn't it an awful pity we have come to this in the UK blah……anyway I gave them 20 quid / helped them onto the bus / bought them a hot meal and now you can all queue up to tell me how fabulous I am, not that I started the thread to feel smug about myself, oh no…'

Real heroes just get on with this stuff quietly and don't need to make it all about them.

I also hate the videos which go viral and involve someone not telling a disabled person to fuck off or something equally underwhelming which should happen anyway

I absolutely despise seeing 'Good deed done for the day. bought a homeless person a cup of tea, the most amazing thing to see how grateful they were '
And a million comments from friends of 'you're an angel' 'need more people like you'
You don't do a nice thing for someone to then splash it everywhere to get rewarded by others in the form of compliments. You do it because you want to

Pretty much the same as LeaveMyWings except they articulated it better

Totally agree, those people are not thinking of the person they are 'helping' at all, just their own social media standing. It makes me cringe.

Although I agree that in many cases the motivation is mostly to brag, by sharing that they have done these good deeds it may encourage others to do the same by inspiring them or even normalising the behaviour. I can't really see the harm in it to be honest.

YANBU. I don't think I know anyone personally who boasts about giving money, or helping people, thankfully. But I really cringe at those viral videos where someone does something 'heartwarming' with a bewlidered homeless person and then everyone stands round and applauds them. Although at the same time, I am so cynical that I find myself thinking 'I wonder if that homeless person is actually an actor?'.

I actually remember being taught in Sunday school as a child about the bible story where the rich man rattles his coins and gives some of his money, and the poor woman quietly gives all that she can. We were taught that it was downright wrong to be boastful about giving to others, that giving is something we should all be doing, according to our means, and that it is very important to do it for the sake of doing it, not for the sake of being seen to do it. That particular lesson actually seems like a good one to me.

encourage others to do the same

I get that if it's infrequent and not about them and the amount they gave, because that's what this person is like, it's a constant theme and you know exactly how much they gave

Although I have no objection to the sort of 'I have sponsored X who is doing Y to raise money for Z. If you would like to sponsor too, here is how' type posts.

It is just the 'look at me being all nice' videos and stories that I am cynical of.

So what's the motivation for people who need to tell others about their kindness? Do you think they are shoring up their self esteem?

It's far better than people who revel in being hard and "realistic" imo so I forgive them!

YANBU. Some people give of their time and money because they are genuinely caring and generous. Others because they want to be 'seen' to be giving people.
While the end result is probably the same, there is something much more admirable about the former type of person.