Aibu to want to limit the number of guests after having dc2?

[Givinguph0pe]

When I had dc1 ALL of dh's family turned up the day after I got home from hospital. I'd had a c section but spent all day waiting on them and making tea and I didn't even have a chair so had to sit on the floor. I didn't see ds as they passed him round all day. There were 15 of them in total and as I recall they stopped for around eight hours. Then they came back two days later and did the same thing. Unfortunately as dc1 was born over the bank holiday they all had time off.
At the time I was too exhausted and shell shocked from a prem baby and a c section to say anything and dh is useless where his family are concerned. Thinks they're all wonderful.

Dc2 is due not long after Christmas and I've told dh no one is to come the day I get out of hospital (last time his parents showed up) and after that I am limiting guests to no more than 4 at once. And for no longer than a couple of hours. I'm just not having it. He thinks I am being selfish as I should understand everyone wants to see the baby. I do understand this but I still think it is unreasonable for 15 people to turn up and expect to be waited on and stay for hours and hours when I've just come out of hospital following what would on any other occasion be considered major surgury. I think this is grossly unreasonable. Let alone the fact I didn't get to see or hold my own newborn all day. Unfortunately dh's family are not particularly bothered about me - I am very much a vessel for the baby and then I can go to hell as far as they are concerned. As evidenced by the fact that they let me sit on the floor three days post c-section.

Aibu to say from the off that I'm not having them all here at once?

YANBU Even four at once for a few hours is way too much. Unless they are there to help - ie: cook, clean, entertain DC1 I wouldn't let anyone (except maybe grandparents) visit for the first ten days. Your DH is clueless but he will be if you don't spell it out. Second the idea of getting your midwife to back you up. Good luck.

Your useless DH had my blood boiling very quickly.

And I don't care if he reads that.

He's the one being selfish by putting this pressure on you.

You had a C section last time, which in case he didn't realise, is classed as major abdominal surgery. Not just a little bit of a cut. And he should have been making sure you were sat properly and comfortably, and that your baby was not treated like a little toy. A baby is not there to entertain other people.

I get that his family want to meet the new baby, but your DH needs to realise that your recovery and all the things that go with that, and getting feeding established, etc, must come first.

He should have been the one running after his family, not you.

He failed you big time.

Say it and then keep saying it.

If he thinks you're being selfish, direct him to this thread and let the wrath of many angry women come down on his self-absorbed head.

At least you are pre-warned this time I suppose. If anyone ignores your request for no visitors until you're ready, take the baby upstairs to feed and ignore them.

If your husband has a problem with this tell him to insert a melon in his arse and then see how comfortably he can sit.

Fucking hell . And I think even what you're trying to put in place for this time may be far too much.

Of course yanbu. I feel so so sorry for you!

Generally my DP is lovely but was, in some respects completely clueless after I gave birth as he was expecting me to visit his family 5 days post partum for a bbq despite the fact I had second degree tear, bruised bum and my back had given up. I had to cry to make him realise that spending the day sitting on my PIL sagging sofa whilst breastfeeding in front of his entire family wasn't my idea of fun (to his benefit though he really looked after me in terms of feeding me and looking after the house)

When my dd was born this summer we had far too many visitors for my liking. But I refused to host. I didn't offer any drinks or food and the second my dd cried I just took her out of peoples arms and took her to my bedroom to feed her. Family got bored and left pretty quickly.

I'm not saying what I did was right/will resolve your situation but if visitors do turn up unexpectedly, it might be worth a try.

Yanbu. How awful for you

I've made it pretty clear to DH that I don't want a single visitor for a week because I want time with just us and getting used to my baby. I think he's a bit put out and wants his family to visit but tough shit frankly.

YANBU.

For my first baby, me and DP decided that for the first couple of days we wanted to spend time alone, bonding with DS. We told family members we would visit in due course. Of course some were offended and wanted to see new baby ASAP but my argument was, he was our baby, I didn't want to share him at the time. DS was born Friday at 5pm and we took him to meet family, grandparents, my family and then DP's family on the Sunday. Kept it to about 1-2 hour time slots for the family.

Your DP needs to consider you more than his family.

My now ex sil was a lovely quiet and private woman who married into the most overbearing family in the world. She had her first baby and was literally swamped by my partners family, parents; 5 adult siblings (and respective partners), kids aged under 5 etc etc. Even aged in my early 20's I knew if I went to see her with them all it was an act I would most definitely deserve to go to hell for. My ex sil emigrated with her DH and I always suspected it was so she could have her second baby in peace. Your DH should stand up to his family and limit the visiting BUT they should bloody well know not to swamp a new mum in the first place! All else fails New Zealand looks bloody lovely this time of year :-)