To think there's nothing wrong with my attitude to work?

[Turnerandsmooch]

For a bit of background , the children in my DC class are quite comfortably well off - nice houses , nice cars and such like . Most are professionals in employment .

I have worked since the age of 15, granted not in a professional career , but in a job which requires some skills .

Anyway , at one of the children's party today and sitting with one of the parents I always get on with - he's nice in general but most of the conversation revolves around his work and his accomplishments .

We were talking about how hard it is to juggle working and home life , children's clubs etc.

The conversation turned to careers and he said he didn't understand why I didn't work longer hours . I was informed that he works long hours , his children are in childcare from 8 am until 6pm , five days per week and he doesn't see why everyone doesn't do this

I explained politely that whilst there is nothing wrong with wanting a career , it wasn't what I wanted . I said I would rather work less and have less materialistic items , but have more time with my children . Apparently this attitude is the problem with the UK

Granted , we live in an ok house (needs work ) , we don't have flashy cars or great careers , but my children have memories of me being home from work early , being at home when they are poorly etc.

Surely there is nothing wrong with this ? As there is nothing wrong with his career focused lifestyle .

I feel very very small and want to avoid him from now on

He's either rude and an are hole or desperately trying to justify his own choices (and actually still rude and an arse hole). That said on my death bed I hope I'll be proud of my career and feel I've achieved something - that's what I'm aiming for!
Plus your deathbed is hopefully a small part of your life. You have to make your decisions based on so much more than that

I'd much rather your lifestyle then his!

Wow only normal office hours 5 days a week? He sounds a slacker by some standards.

Ignore him where possible and avoid having to listen to his opinions by holding forth on about pet subject of your own.

So, when his children were small, how much did he see of them? And what does he work for? Is he just doing his patriotic duty for his country?

YANBU.

So he's a man who needs to put down a woman at a children's party and tries to prove himself and how macho and successful he is by how little he sees his children who spend long hours in day care. And you feel bad about yourself because?

My son made a semi-jokey comment about me working part time in a lower paid job the other day. I explained to him that I had wanted to be at home with his brother (now 28) until he went to school, then with him and his sister (15 &16) until they started in reception.

My low paid job is as a TA because I get the school holidays off with them.

I asked him if he thought his childhood up to this point had been better or worse because of my career choices.

He said, " Much better mum, I'm only joking, you're a great teacher."

"TA."

"No mum, you still teach kids, and you're good at it."

That was a good moment .

Smile sweetly & stalk him in future to see what other ridiculous stuff he comes out with.

YANBU. I'm pretty career focused, work in the City earning six figures and am currently considering going for a big promotion which would intensify things considerably. I am happy with home/work balance and work 80% hours so as to have some decent time with my DC in the week.

OP you and I are quite a way apart in the way our working lives are arranged but it would never occur to me to criticise how you have chosen to do things because there is absolutely nothing wrong with it!

What a self righteous twunt he is!
Everyone has a choice.
Ignore him.

He sounds like a bore. Competitive "busyness", whether through work or anything else, is always tedious. Having said that, I don't think working 8-6 Monday-Friday is particularly excessive (or less, presumably, if those are the hours his children are in daycare; I assume that also covers his travel time.)

Can only echo all the above comments and give you the best piece of advice I was given....basically suit yourself! I doubt he's worrying about what you said so don't give his ramblings any more time and just suit yourself! Carry on with your current happy life

Was he hinting that you should have his children around for playdates? Might have something to do with his (and presumably his partners?) long working hours. Met a few people like this over the years - they despise you pretty much openly but like to think you're available at the drop of a hat for 'emergency' childcare.

I totally understand feeling like this.

I'm about to leave work to be SAHM.

We are cutting our income from around 65k to around 30k - and life is going to be different.

We'd just paid off all our debt and were about to reap the benefits monetarily - holidays, flash cars.

However life's taking this non materialistic turn and it feels right for all of us - but I do think that people like the man in the OP will occasionally give me a Keeping Up With The Jonses wobble.

Each to their own OP but try and think about the many positives and how they compare to material possessions which I do sometimes cringe at.

A beautiful big house would be move though!

• would be nice

Hold on. Am I missing something here. Have I this time officially lost the plot. This is a dad of one of the children at your child's school or in a nutshell. A Mr fucking nobody.! And you actually engaged in the conversation answering to him. How dare he say you should do more hours. Who's he. I wouldn't dream of asking people about if they work, where they work, how many hour they work. Aside from it Being none of my business. I'm not remotely interested.
I wasnt aware that we had a new employment minister.

Sorry I'm late back to this

I was too busy relaxing with my spare time

Yes I was a bit cross with his attitude and I know I shouldn't care , but it made me feel like he thought we were lesser than him and I felt temporarily bad about it

Thinking about it though and from all the replies - it's clear there's more to life than worn and flashy cars !

There is Turner but it can sometimes make you question. It does me.

I have worked FT for the last year (now giving it up) and feel like I've not been there for the kids.

I'm acting now because I don't want to be older and regret it.

The other thing I keep in mind is do you judge others on material wealth? I don't. If I see a frugal family with perhaps one parent working I have huge respect for that and understand why they're not driving around in flashy cars!

My answer to anyone who questions why we aren't 'getting on' materially (like family as brother and sister are) will be 'well I don't work - and that's what works for our family. We're so happy about that decision.

Also re. big purchases like cars, houses, hols - how many people can say they own them?! If I'd have continued down the route we were taking then yes we could afford the massive repayments but at what cost?! Fundamentally being at work to bankroll these expenses?! No thanks.

Just my take!

I think everyone feels insecure sometimes about their life choices.

Sadly there is no known cure for being a cunt.

He was being an arse, he really should have not made those views clear.

I work ft and what you would call a 'career woman' DH does temping so his hours vary, I love my job and enjoy the money I earn but sometimes I feel so guilty for DS who can be in nursery from 8am-6pm, though I know that I am providing him with a good life like all the materialistic things you mention (holidays etc). I grew up without a lot of those, I now feel they are important in life and want my DS to have the best opportunities. I do wonder if I am doing the right thing from time to time.

At the end of the day we all make choices which fit our family life.

I agree Deepblue.

I've worked in afterschool. Most children are, of course completely fine. But it's distressing when a child isn't suited, their parents are very career focused and cannot entertain of a lifestyle NOT focused on income and material posessions. These children don't 'get used to it' and form attachments to childcare professionals / teachers that are sad to see.
You've made a perfectly rational balance and I'm sure the dc would rather be more important than a certain reputation (fleeting at that) at work.
Seeking a work focus is crippling in the long term. Someone will be better, more dedicated, more successful. If you've hung your entire self-worth on work it will fall fast.

his children are in childcare from 8 am until 6pm, five days per week and he doesn't see why everyone doesn't do this

I would only do this if I absolutely had to, to make ends meet.

If he can't understand why different people have different opinions, aims, goals and preferences then he's a cock not worth engaging with.

OP, didn't you get the memo: the purpose of life is to work as much as possible in order to acquire as much as stuff as you can. Then when you interact with another person you know whether to admire them or despise them depending on whether they have more or less stuff than you. Please report first thing tomorrow morning for your extra work hours and platinum credit card.

What an asshole! My response would have been 'I could....but I like my children more than I like stuff'.