To ask him to be back at a reasonable time

[sharonthewaspandthewineywall]

Background. 33 weeks pg. Havent been well with various issues. In the last week have been having a couple of occular migraines which have resulted in me feeling like ive been punched in the eye. DH had some golf club thing last night which involves them playing a match in the day then a meal at night and many of the guys go off and get pissed (all mid 40's 50's). On the many times weve been together DH has never been home before 2am, on the one occassion staying out all night.
Yest felt drained after the migraine the night before but still managed to look after kids all day doing the washing, shopping etc. He came back for his shower before the evening part and saw i was a bit haggard and exhausted and kept hinting that he wanted me to say I was happy for him to go. Which I was but I asked him if he would mind coming back at a more sensible time. To which he said 'theres no point going'. THrew his toys out the pram and said he wasnt going at all. I cba to indulge it as I hadnt told him I didnt want him to just asked if he'd mind being back at a more normal time.
Well he didnt go and today made a snide comment about 'well I cant go out without a curfew' which made me cross as he martyred himself by not going. Have I been harsh to him or is he being silly?

He is a selfish arsehole.

What difference does it make if he's back at 11pm or 2pm? You'll all be tucked up in bed unaware!!

Does he even go out often?

I cant sleep if hes not back before a certain time. I think it stems back from the time he never came home at all and I was worried sick.

How do you know what time she'll be tucked up

Yanbu. You're pregnant with his dc and not feeling well.

Waiting for the 'when the baby arrives book a day at the spa' crowd...

However I discussed with him a few weeks back i was happy for him to stay at someones house for the night so I wasnt tossing and turning and waiting for him to come clattering through the door or dinging the bell as hes lost his keys again.
And no he doesnt go out often which is why he has such a ridiculously low alcohol tolerance and gets in such a mess vomiting in taxis losing things etc

Well if he had gone and stayed out till all hours he wouldn't have been much use to you today when you are probably still feeling whacked so personally I think YANBU to have asked him to be home at a reasonable hour.

He sounds childish to be all huffy with you.

You had to cope with normal stuff yesterday whilst feeling drained.

I feel like an old lady as the thought of getting in such a state anymore makes me feel really unsettled

He's a selfish and petulant arse. Does he often try to punish you by sulking and giving you the cold shoulder?

He sounds like a child.

he has such a ridiculously low alcohol tolerance and gets in such a mess vomiting in taxis losing things

When you are heavily pregnant, knackered, stressed and hormonal you don't want to be worrying about your partner in the above state. It wouldn't kill him to just come home a bit earlier than usual to please the OP.

tries not to call him a manchild as it's unhelpful

You've had him come home smelling of vomit after he's chucked up in a taxi on the way home?

What is he, 17?

YANBU op.

I suffer from occular migranes and generally go through a period of them over a week or so, then they disappear for months. Usual cause is stress.

I've had a number of tests and there is no underlying cause with them. I KNOW when i'm having one, it's 'normal'. I don't get pain and they last about 30 minutes. It's still fucking terrifying though - the first time I had one, I was convinced I was about to drop dead of a brain tumour or stroke or haemorrhage. Even though I know that won't happen now, the fear is still the same.

When i'm in the middle of a spate of them (so I know i'm likely to get one) dh needs to stay pretty chained to the house in the evening. I panic if i'm home alone with the dc.

He knows this. And he doesn't go out for a while when i'm suffering with them. Wanting your dh at home when you're not well is completely understandable, even when you would be 'just asleep'.

Hes not usually a sulker but when he is its because of his perceived idea im always trying to control him.
Because a control freak would have suggested he stay at a mates and make a night of it without disturbing the whole family see....

Oh, FFS, cannot he see that at this stage in your pregnancy your own health and that of the baby come before his desire to spend three extra hours getting pissed? No man with an ounce of sense and consideration would think that was you being controlling, he wouldn't need to be told. What if you were go to go into premature labour? I know it's not massively likely but it's not impossible.

By the way, have you had your blood pressure checked? At this stage when I was pregnant with DS1 and getting migraines the midwives were vigilant about the possibility of pre-eclampsia.

Yep and had an urgent referral to the eye department who don't feel there is anything majorly wrong luckily