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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To plan a baby in a one bedroomed apartment?

54 replies

Pianofires · 25/10/2015 08:11

It's a beautiful apartment in a very leafy village but is just the same a one bedroomed one.

Moving is a possibility, but since I have no mortgage on this apartment I would like to stay for the first couple of years at least, though this is always flexible.

The exterior is gorgeous but the interior needs a fair bit of work - WIBU to plan a baby anyway? (I am hoping to try between January and March 2016.)

OP posts:
MrsTedCrilly · 25/10/2015 09:16

Seriously just do it! Smile Holding back is daft when any issues will be minimal compared to the amazing thing that is being a mum. We're in a one bed flat with an 18 month old, entrance is down some stairs.. No issue with space and leave pushchair at bottom of stairs. DS will be fine for a few more years. It's really not a problem. Now get cracking! Wink

cabbageleaf · 25/10/2015 09:33

Do it! Get the electricity fixed, and there is no need for a carpet if the floors are ok in general, the wood doesn't splinter etc. We were in a one bedroom flat for the first eight months with DS, it was cramped but not impossible and I wouldn't have put him in his own bedroom anyway. Moving is easier without a baby of course, but if you're well organised and have help, it's doable.

SummerNights1986 · 25/10/2015 09:45

The issue is that I would have to move to rented (and rent my own apartment out) and I want to minimise costs as much as possible (no partner.). I would tentatively be looking at moving when DC is entitled to some free hours!

Having a kid is expensive though. You'll suffer the loss of income from mat leave, then all the additional general expenses of baby and childhood, then be hit by the fucking horror of massive cc fees.

The reason I wouldn't do it op is in case things don't change.

I know there are many people on here saying they happily live in a one bed with their 2/3/4/5 year old - but I wouldn't want that. And i'd be worried in case something changed (loss of job/illness/housing boom) meaning it was much harder or impossible to move in 3 or 4 years, leaving you stuck indefinitely in a one bed with a dc.

Rinceoir · 25/10/2015 09:48

We live in a 2 bed, but the tiny second bedroom is currently used for visitors only as our 18month old is still in with us.

SummerNights1986 · 25/10/2015 09:58

I may be projecting a little op tbh - and it may be fine for you.

But it's a similar ish situation to us. Dh and I bought a house, a tiny little two up-two down. Perfect for a couple, a bit of a push for a family. Then we talked about TTC, did it with the intention that we would move before a dc got to school age to give us more space. Worked out a long term plan, the works.

Then ds1 was born, fine. We were looking to move when he was about 18 months, then I got pregnant with ds2 so held off. Made plans to move when ds2 was about 18 months. Plan delayed but still OK.

We completely underestimated the cost of two dc, and couldn't have planned for the fact that I had PND after ds2 which meant 6 months of SSP after maternity leave. Financially my PND royally fucked us, and made it impossible to move. It took us 3 years to dig ourselves out of the hole that that 6 months of my loss of income cost us.

Now the dc are 7 and 5 and we're still in the same house and bursting at the bloody seams. We're back on track, have managed to save a deposit and looking to move over the next few months (can't bloody wait).

But with hindsight, it would have been much more sensible for us to delay TTC a year or so and move to a decent sized family house first. You can't plan for every eventuality and may find yourself blocked for some reason in future.

monkeysox · 25/10/2015 09:59

I wouldn't yet. Sort the place out, sell it and get a three bed with little mortgage. Pram and stairs would be no fun.

Artandco · 25/10/2015 10:06

MOnkey - you do realise cost wise a 3 bed can be hugely unachievable? In London a one bed is around £300k in many parts, in same area a 3 bed house would be well over a million. Selling a one bed flat to get a 3 bed house would not be ' with a little mortgage'

Op- like I said we live happily in a one bed with x2 children and dh. The bedroom is no issue. However your planning completely different by the sounds of it which is to have a child without any partner ( so I assume ivf). This is very different regardless of property size, as means you are solely responsible for everything regarding child. I would happily have a child in your flat, but I wouldn't have one alone with no partner unless I had a considerable amount of savings and a high wage ( to cover maternity leave and all childcare costs being paid from one wage)

dulajones · 25/10/2015 10:11

We've only ever had a one bed flat and have two teen boys age 14 and 16. It's never been a problem! The boys share the bedroom and DH and I sleep in the living room. Stairs could be a bit of a pain (we live in a big block with a lift so not been an issue for us) but you'll manage. You just have to be smart with your interior design and learn to adapt!

monkeysox · 25/10/2015 10:11

Tbf it depends where you live and which area. If a good area here you could move to a slightly less naice area and get a bit bigger home with a small (50000) mortgage.

I didn't realise it was London?

SummerNights1986 · 25/10/2015 10:15

We've only ever had a one bed flat and have two teen boys age 14 and 16. It's never been a problem! The boys share the bedroom and DH and I sleep in the living room

Sorry, but that sounds like hell to me. If it works OK for you then fine, but I suspect that the majority of people would massively struggle to live with that set up long term.

Axekick · 25/10/2015 10:20

Agree with summer I couldn't live like that. Fair play to you if you can.

Tbh op I wouldn't. I would love first. I hate moving, but moving with young kids was hell.

Is there a reason you can't sell the flat and use the money to put a big deposit on a new place?

If the moving doesn't bother you then do it. But don't plan on starting ttc in January and banking on an Autumn/winter baby. It often takes more than a few goes. You could just as easily end up with a summer born baby.

It took me a year with the first one, 18 months with the second. You may be fall of straight away, but you can't bank on it.

BertieBotts · 25/10/2015 10:22

Just a little note - I think there can be a danger of romanticising a little bit with a situation like this, where it's possible to think of a solution for every argument (and there is - you can co-sleep and have the baby in your room until 2, or curtain off a little area so it's separate, or get a sofabed and sleep in the living room, you can use a sling rather than pram, or get the boring but utilitarian (and one handed carry!) Maclaren, you can look at all of those cute tiny house "solutions" on pinterest, you can build an ikea masterpiece, you can locate every nearest park and free out-of the house activity nearby, etc etc.)

And it might happen anyway and it would all be a big old adventure, and you'd make it work, as we do when we find ourselves in a tough situation. It would be livable because there is no alternative. And perhaps if you're an exceedingly positive person who is good at that making the best out of nothing (and are you, really? Because I always have this vague idea that I am but have recently realised that when it comes down to it, I'm actually not!) ...probably, when you look back, it will seem like it was all a fun adventure. But it's different when you're actually living it, and you have no choice, and no option to change it. If something isn't as you expect or you find it harder than you thought, it could make everything ten times harder.

I would do a long term plan with worst case and best case scenarios and look at the difference. If you don't have a partner I'm guessing that it's a bit different - with us we are looking at a period where we can be less careful but not really try actively, then a period where we will step up TTC if nothing has happened. But it sounds like you need to plan some specific times when you're going to try and get pregnant rather than having the luxury of spreading it out over several months. If it's a choice between doing it now and doing it in several years, then I would go for it. If it's a choice between now and in a few months or one year, it might be better to wait - if that makes sense? I would plan for a shorter time in the flat if you know it's going to be a hassle.

AndNowItsSeven · 25/10/2015 10:28

The lack of partner is what you will find difficult not the flat. Also I would have a cat in a flat with a baby but I am sure most people would disagree.

CerseiLannistersEyebrow · 25/10/2015 10:29

I'd say don't do it. We had planned on having baby with us indefinitely basically, despite having 2 bedrooms. His sleep started going to shit, waking up every half an hour once we went to bed. In desperation we tried him in his own bedroom and he stopped waking up. It turns out it was us who were waking him with our general sleep noises. He needed his own room and you just can't tell beforehand.

AndNowItsSeven · 25/10/2015 10:32

Summer how is two children of the same sex in a two bed" bursting at the seams?"

SummerNights1986 · 25/10/2015 10:37

AndNow - because it's a very small house and we have a lack of actual square footage and, especially, storage. Regardless of the fact that it's two bedrooms.

We've nowhere to put or store stuff. Yes, there are two bedrooms but we still have a massive lack of space down stairs and all four of us standing in the kitchen feels like being sardines in a can. It's a PITA.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 25/10/2015 10:54

How old are you OP? If young then you could put it off until you had a slightly bigger place. If older I'd just go for it :)

Chottie · 25/10/2015 11:13

Personally I would say it's not easy. Very little space, no where to go if baby is crying and DP needs to work. Not easy up and down the stairs, a baby + baby bag is not light and not all LOs like being carried in a sling....

Keeping the buggy in the car boot is an option, but it's not ideal during the winter. Do you have designated parking or do you just have to park where there is a space?

HackerFucker22 · 25/10/2015 11:16

We lived in a 1 bed place until I was 32w with DC2.

Babyroobs · 25/10/2015 12:04

I would stick it out in your own flat for a couple of years a t least, it is perfectly do-able especially if there is just you and your baby. Renting In London might stretch you financially while on mat leave , depending on your finances obviously.

Buxtonstill · 25/10/2015 14:02

If you have no partner, please don't underestimate how tough it can be if you are on your own. I know many people do it, but please think very carefully.

Original poster
Pianofires · 25/10/2015 14:02

Thank you for your responses. I think there has possibly been a mix-up; I am nowhere near London.

I wouldn't want a child over the age of 2 in a one bedroomed property either but at present, I'm not in a position to buy anywhere else. I have a property elsewhere in the country that I let out and the flat I live in. (That's not a stealth boast, incidentally, it's just explaining what my situation is.) In two or three years I hope to sell the property elsewhere and move but I don't really want to delay TTC (I am 36) until it sells.

My options therefore are to rent, or to stay in my flat for the time being.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pianofires · 25/10/2015 14:03

Buxton I have looked into it all very carefully, please don't let this become a debate about the relative merits of having a child alone.

OP posts:
SummerNights1986 · 25/10/2015 14:08

If you own two properties outright now, why are you not in a position to buy? Can't you just put them on the market and buy yourself one, bigger property outright? Or do you need the income from the other?

Original poster
Pianofires · 25/10/2015 14:10

At present, I'm not 100% sure where I want to "settle", so to speak Smile

The income from the property I let out is also going to be very handy during the years I need maternity leave and childcare: it is a lot to come out of one income as you'll appreciate.

OP posts: