To ask if anyone else gets moments of sheer brutal terror when trying to find a job?

[PanicNotAtTheDisco]

Having one now and it helps to get this out.

I'm fine of course but just so scared this afternoon

I am literate and reasonably bright with good communication skills, but I also have a history of quite severe depression and other problems and manage a chronic pain condition. My employment history is patchy.

In my last job I once nearly threw myself off a building when stuck in a loop of childhood sexual abuse flashbacks. What employer wants that sort of person as an employee? None. Obviously they won't know that about me but I bet anyone who reads this who is responsible for hiring and firing people is privately thinking I'm unemployable.

I'm so much better now and I want to be a brilliant employee because I want to have a good career and I hope it's not too late. But I'm scared, scared of never making anything of myself and scared of the Job Centre staff and if I get sanctioned.

Fuck. Sorry for the verbal diarrhoea.

Been there. Spent my whole time terrified that everything that I was doing wasn't enough and/or I'd end up in a vile job which would have a massively negative effect on DS.

Unfortunately I can't give you any advise as I don't really know the answer - but I wanted you to know that you're not the only one to feel as you do.

I was a CP SW, I did my qualifications as a mature student,.

I did an Access Course, for Social Care roles, nearly all of the other Mature Students had MH/Illness/Drug etc in their pasts, they were all going on to Careers in various roles.

So it's never to late.

What's important is that your relatively stable and looking after yourself.

We all started by doing Voluntary work and addressing our issues.

So you've identified were you want to get to and some of what might be a block.

So it's about making a plan and just as important is identifying who can help or support you to achieve this.

I dropped from being a SW to a support role, whilst I cared for my Mum, the whole applying for again jobs was terrifying.

My DD is about to be made redundant, she knows she will get work, but she just feels sick.

Your feelings are perfectly valid, we all have wobbles.

Panic have you considered looking for jobs in charity? I work for a children's charity and I one of the things I absolutely adore about my job is the emotional intelligence of all the people I work with.

There is so much understanding for mental health issues.

I'm sorry to hear to hear about your past. Perhaps looking for an environment that accepts that mental health issues exist is a way forward?

x

Yes...but more a constant sick feeling in my stomach rather than the brutal terror that you talk about. For me it's about the unknown.

I haven't had it as badly as you describe, as it seems you have more than enough challenges in your past and present to fell a herd of elephants, but I certainly had panics thinking I'd never get another job, most notably after being ousted from a 30-year career due to depression. I did, though; several jobs in fact. I've even left a job on purpose a couple of times (quite empowering in a way). It has made my employment history look a little patchy, but this hasn't been a complete turn-off to all employers, so I've managed to keep going. Not fabulous career stuff, any of it, but solid slogs that pay the bills.

If you're younger than me (as most people are!) you have time to impress an employer and work your way up the ladder. Short-term contracts or temping may be a good way to ease yourself back into the workplace and restore your confidence. A lot of people nowadays have a series of temporary, fixed-term or part-time jobs, often through no fault of their own. Some employers recruit temps as permanent employees once they've had a chance to see you are reliable and conscientious.

As for the Jobcentre, it's wise to fear them! To be fair, they were quite nice in my local office, at least to those clients they could tell were genuinely trying to find work. But that was a few years ago and they are now under more pressure to stop jobseekers from getting too comfortable

Really sorry to read your painful moments. But they don't read like "OMG can't have HER in the office either."

Shall I tell stories about awkward how-can-i-get-ride-of-them coworkers? (I think you'd be doing me a favour, really)