to ask what's the worst/silliest advice you've seen on here?

[Francoitalialan]

MN is such a tremendous source of info but sometimes it goes wonky. What's the worst/silliest advice you've seen?

To be honest, I have never seen this. The general consensus is usually if something looks a bit off, report. Then if it's nothing, that's fine, but if the family needs support, it will be provided.

I don't see it often but have seen it a few times. Most recently on a thread where the op was aware a girl was missing school to look after her older sisters baby. The older sister had also been spotted shouting at the girl in the middle of the street. Took about 15 posts before someone said to report it. Even after a few pages people were still saying it wasn't ok to get involved, there may be reasons, the school will be aware etc.

Several posters didn't want to accept that flagging it and it turning out there was nothing wrong would be the best action.

I found the 'it's non of your business' posts quite horrifying tbh.

Lots of crap advice!!!

Yes, there's a thread running currently where the OP is in Australia and has had her first baby, a 9 week old baby that rarely sleeps and it's not going well. The husband is distant, and to add to it, his mother-in-law is over to stay.

Advice has included "you'd be better going back to the UK with your mum", and "he's potentially dangerous" and "my ex was like this and it didn't get better so get out now."

Awful man-hating projection going on. Really shameful.

There was a thread once where the poster saw Mum in a supermarket, the baby was apparently a couple of weeks old and crying, the poster went up to the Mum and started advising her that her baby was crying, asking if it was hungry and then offered to cuddle the baby on the way around the shop. The Mum looked pissed of and declined.

The poster then went and gossiped with a member of staff about this new Mum trying to get her shopping done and they both decided it wasn't right to leave a baby crying for 10 minutes.

I think the Mum only had one blanket on her baby or something too and the poster decided this wasn't enough.

The advise on that thread was to contact 101 and social services, then someone else waded in saying to go to the supermarket, look at the CCTV and get the licence number of her car as the Mum obviously had PND or something

Ltb and or make him pay for ...

Because we all have an infinite income

Ahh, well, there you go Franco. You're seeing "man-hating", on that thread and I'm seeing out and out misogyny.

I suppose the idea of "bad advice" is always going to be subjective.

Oh yes. The ltb advice where it's apparent that the OP is still not ready to take that step. Followed up by affronted comments about not taking the advice she's been given and persistent "So what are you going to do about it, love?"

I was also on that thread and some of the safe gaurding responses was an over reaction imo she was told after her gossip in the playground to march into school and report it as it was her duty to protect them both.sometimes it is better to keep your nose out

I remember you on there MrsD there were 3 or 4 people whipping the op up into a frenzy, then there were you, me (under a different name) and couple of other rational people saying it was a tired Mum getting her shopping done quickly.

The op and her supporters were convinced this poor new Mum had PND and would harm her baby, it was really weird.

On a different note I've been reported to SS maliciously by my Mother so many times now just call me when I get anonomously reported for whatever it is this time, and the first couple of times when they had to do all their checks and interview my children, it has left my dd who has ADHD with attachment problems thinking she will get taken away from me so although I did absolutely nothing wrong it has pissed me off and affected my family a huge amount and I do mind very much. It can do a lot of harm to be reported when you have done nothing wrong.

With narcissistic personality disorder or sociopathy you can't diagnose someone you know. Because you aren't interviewing them dispassionately and observing their reactions, you're filtering their reactions through your own perceptions. So "he doesn't feel anything he's run off with the OW without a care in the world. He must be a sociopath because he doesn't feel any remorse about leaving me and the kids" is entirely subjective. He may be wracked with guilt and waking up in the night hating himself for upsetting the op but still not change his mind and come back to the family. But the poster doesn't have that insight into what he's thinking so assumes he doesn't care at all, while actually he cares about something else more.

Then 37 mumsnetters pile in to agree with NPD and toxic and sociopathy, all based on a second hand account of lack of feelings.

That's why it's bad advice.

The ltb advice where it's apparent that the OP is still not ready to take that step.

Surely that's what advice is for?
If op was ready to ltb she wouldn't have posted asking what to do. She'd actually get up and do it, or ask for advice on how to do it.

I'd agree on pushing people when they are not ready (yet), but sometimes even if you don't want to hear it, it's good that people do say what all options are and what would be the best course of action, in their opinion.
As mentioned earlier, advice is always subjective.
Although some advice is clearly bad:
Q: what shall I give my vegan guests?
A: salmon.

'I suspect this child is being abused due to xyz'

'It's none of your business'

To be honest, I have never seen this

Really?? As that's usually the first response on the thread. The OP has worries and is usually told to stay out of it, before more helpful people start posting.

havent RTFT so apologies if this has already been done

OP: I'm really struggling for money, cant afford money for petrol to get to work as well as food
MN: Sell your car, a car is a luxury
OP: I live in a rural area, I can't manage without a car
MN: Move house, its ridiculous to say you are poor when you can afford to run a car. I don't have a car and I manage fine!

FFS - if you live in a big city where transport is excellent/frequent, don't ever tell a person living in a rural area they don't need a car. You really have NO idea

And breathe..............

I remember a thread where someone was pissed off because their neighbour had built steps to peer over and ft fence they had built.

he apparently had special needs and was unaware if boundaries. she shouldn't have built a fence that tall and she should have had him. over to dinner more often

Womans bus service was cut off through her village responses ranged from thats terrible. to walk its not that far to move to a more cosmoplitan (yip a p said that) area

And can I add another. When someone is at the end of their tether with abuse, and not recognising that it is abuse, LTB, is probably pretty good advice, but when the OP isn't ready to yet, I HATE HATE HATE it when MNers start giving the OP a hard time because she is not going to LTB immediately. The OP will have come onto MN for advice, and sometimes it just seems like MN is just another place for her to get a verbal beating from for not getting it right fast enough. There's a horrible irony in that for me

Anyone (man, woman, or child) that is rude/antisocial/a twat must have special needs... or a mental illness. Therefore it is on you to put up with shitty behavior.

You know what I find interesting about this, that the poster that insists the person with the bad behaviour must have special needs or a mental illness makes the OP out to be the rude/antisocial/twat instead but doesn't seen to consider the fact that the OP might be the one with the special needs or mental illness. Only works one way, which is why it's a tiresome claim on the boards.

That and the fact that so many people who truely do have special needs or a mental illness manage to get through life without being horrible people.

Omg i was going to post about that neighbour one last night but i couldnt remember the details i just remembered she was to invite creepy neighbour for dinner

Yes she was apparently a horrid intolerent person.

despite the fact she drive him. around to places and had tried to get him. some interests.

I remember a thread about a kid crawling all over the posters picnic table and the kids family doing nothing about it, the kid could have had Sn and the op was an intolerant bitch. Saying stuff like that is actually really insulting imo its saying parents who have it hard anyway let their kids with SN crawl all over strangers

i remnber that one too.

it's always the posters fault for not having enough family time if a disturbance is a problem. never parents who rely on others to occupy their children so they can enjoy their even rarer family time.

When a pp says whatever its fine because she does it/it happens to her:
Slap/scream at/drag children on a regular basis and anyone who says this is not on is a "perfect parent" or not even a parent.
Husband has sex on them while sleeping is sadly a case (but at least one pp has realised since then that she was in fact being abused).

The suspected child abuse/neglect posters fall into two categories

1. You have no idea what that parent has gone through today, mind your own business you interfering twat.

2. Phone SS/101/NSPCC immediately OP, if you don't you are a neglectful monster

The point is, no one can know the actual truth of the matter. I see children every day who are clearly being neglected and I raise welfare concern forms practically once a week. Very little seems to get done, nothing changes.

Thanks to crap dramas and soaps a lot of people believe that a single call to SS sees them swooping in like a SWAT team, it rarely if ever gets followed up without a load of corroborating reports.

"Ofsted only cover England and Wales"

Ofsted only covers England.