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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think the teacher was out of order shouting at DD

25 replies

HearTheThunderRoar · 22/10/2015 09:11

Ok, we are coming to the end of our school year and have had mock exams. Dd received her geography papers back yesterday and had to hand them back in so the teacher could write reports with them, look over the grades etc. DD hands it in at the end of the period.

Come today, as soon as the teacher walks through the door, she shouts at DD in front of the whole class " [insert DD's name] what were you supposed to do yesterday" DD replies "not sure" and thinking wtf, the teacher then bangs the tray full of papers on the desk with glares at her her, DD catches on and checks her folder to see if she did hand in them in, she didn't have them and says "I don't have them" with the teacher shouting "well they are not here" and another hard stare. 30 seconds later teacher finds said papers and says a half hearted apology to Dd by saying the papers were hiding.

Aibu in thinking the teacher was out of order by shouting at Dd in front of the whole class when Dd had done absolutely NOTHING wrong on the teacher's own assumption and she had not checked etc. Also to think a simple " did you had in your papers yesterday?" would be suffice, not a passive aggressive comment. DD was absolutely mortified and thought she had done something wrong.

OP posts:

slicedfinger · 22/10/2015 09:15

That is pretty pathetic of the teacher, but many would even have offered half an apology. All people are crap sometimes, we just expect better of teachers. If it is part of a pattern of horrible behaviour, then do something about it. If it is a one off, deep breath and move on.

catfordbetty · 22/10/2015 09:46

Poor show by the teacher. Offering a gracious apology when we're wrong is part of being an adult - in this respect teachers should be modelling good behaviour. Whether this incident is enough to warrant a complaint is depends on your judgement of the harm done.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 22/10/2015 09:52

Meh, it's done, let it go. Your wording is a bit odd with 'we' and 'our'. Any chance you are a bit over involved? Regardless, some teachers just have a poor communication skills. Is it an older teacher? They are usually the worst for it.

Fannycraddock79 · 22/10/2015 09:56

When I was 10 we had a maths teacher who one day decided a roll of sellotape had gone missing and decided it was soooooo very important that one of us must have stolen it and organised a bag search. She later found it in a tray and never apologised. I wish I had had the nerve to ask for an apology so no I don't think you're being unreasonable, your child was singled out and embarrassed but what can you do? Making a fuss may result in your child having a harder life? On a lighter note, this same teacher was huge and one day her chair collapsed under her, she got stuck under the desk and all we could see was her pudgy hand wafting 'help' above the desk. I laughed so hard I actually did wet myself a bit.

Marcipex · 22/10/2015 10:05

I agree the teacher behaved badly.
However, hopefully the same people who witnessed her shouting etc also witnessed the climbdown and red face.
So they'll know your dd did nothing wrong.

AnUtterIdiot · 22/10/2015 10:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Passmethecrisps · 22/10/2015 10:14

Not a pleasant situation but I would imagine the reason is in your first sentence.

Teachers are human and have bad days. I would have been better having a quiet word with your dd but that didn't happen.

I would chalk it up to experience if this is isolated

echt · 22/10/2015 10:15

Is it an older teacher? They are usually the worst for it.

Your point being?

Should the teacher have her wrinkly arse kicked?
Should she be pitied for being a bit hormonal in a menopausal-stylee?

threenotfour · 22/10/2015 10:15

That is horrible and yes the teacher was TU and your daughter should get an apology. Unfortunately this will happen in life though so it is a life lesson and if you can help your DD to shrug it off and let it go you will do her a favour in the long term. It sucks though. Teachers like that are a terrible example to kids.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 22/10/2015 10:18

I think she did it like that to give your daughter something to froth about and text with her mates

Nah, not really. It was out of order but unless this teacher has a history of being a twat (or your daughter does) I think just let it go as someone having a bad day.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 22/10/2015 10:21

echt it was just a question. Nothing more, nothing less.

IfNotNowThenWhenever · 22/10/2015 10:22

Good grief. Our teachers used to chuck board rubbers at our heads and thwack us with rulers for passing notes.
Certain teachers at high school could be heard bellowing 3 classrooms down.
Obviously, that's not right, but it puts this teachers unreasonable barking into perspective somewhat!
Your daughter didn't seem sure she had hadn't it in, saying "I don't have it" rather than " I handed it in" would irritate me tbh.
She was wrong to be narky but I doubt your dd will be scarred for life.

laffymeal · 22/10/2015 10:25

It's crap but I think you both need to get over it.

catfordbetty · 22/10/2015 10:28

Is it an older teacher? They are usually the worst for it

I usually found the opposite to be true.

bumbleymummy · 22/10/2015 10:28

Yanbu. I think very few of us would stand for it if our mangers did that to us so I'm not sure why it's considered ok for children.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 22/10/2015 10:32

catford really? I always found that younger teachers with more current training have a better grasp on how to interact with pupils. It's down to the individual teacher I suppose.

crispytruffle · 22/10/2015 10:33

I'd want to know why the teacher thought it was acceptable to shout? Why can't she talk? I'd be going it and having a nice shouty discussion with her to see how she likes being shouted at.

Original poster

HearTheThunderRoar · 22/10/2015 10:35

Thanks for the replies, guys. No the teacher is not 'older', late 30s probably.

I am not going to complain, she is a fantastic teacher and DD has learnt a lot from her. She is strict - she does have a reputation around school of being scary and moody / intimidating but also very nice and cares a lot about their learning.

I am most pissed off that DD did not receive a decent apology after the way the teacher spoke to her.

Fanny that teacher sounds awful, glad she got her karma!

OP posts:

Bakeoffcake · 22/10/2015 10:35

IfNotNow "Your DD didn't seem sure she had handed it in, saying "I don't have it" rather than "I handed it in" would irritate me tbh"

Please don't blame the child for the teachers bad behaviour. The teacher was in a ridiculous mood before she entered the classroom the child said a word.

Katarzyna79 · 22/10/2015 10:36

yes I agree no need to shout like a she devil, raising ones voice slightly is one thing but I don't agree with shouting at others peoples kids. Discipline doesn't require shouting. However in her defence she did apologise, and she prob just lost it a bit we all do sometimes. If you complain your child may show no respect for authority in future. I would leave it but if it occurs again take it up.

I never forget my books always on time, do my work sit quiet. one day a school pet had forgotten his paper so teacher said np you can hve some lined paper. When I went she started shouting as if directed at the whole class about please come with lined paper I wont tolerate blah blah. Really it was directed at me, I lost all respect for her after that.

Bakeoffcake · 22/10/2015 10:38

The teacher should have apologised properly HearTheThunder.

But I expect she doesn't have the reputation of being "moody/intimidating". for nothing, so tell your dd it isn't surprising she acted like this and for dd not to take it personally.

Katarzyna79 · 22/10/2015 10:41

yes catford I agree theres no need to shout, it shows a lack of control and professionalism especially with young kids. I used to hear it in my time but that was many years ago, I thought things had changed. In my childrens last school they were new and the first day I was sitting outside waiting for my child to come out of nursery. in a Primary 1 class I could hear a teaching yelling which I though was odd, theyre so young. Then outside my girls nursery class I heard the teacher yell at a wee kid only 3 years old because he was fidgeting and talking at story time. It was so loud the silence from the kids was deafening. That child refused to go school the next few days? I know the mum didn't keep quiet about it she was angry, all us parents outside heard it.

fuctifino · 22/10/2015 10:41

Should your dd be texting/ringing you in school hours, seeing as this happened this morning?

Yes, teacher should have apologised properly, not half heartedly.

pearpotter · 22/10/2015 10:42

I would say to DD, yes it is out of order, but that people do have bad days from time to time. If the negative attitude is something that happens a lot then I would speak to the school.

The teacher needs to choose her battles as well- what is she going to do if someone is actually naughty - self destruct?

Original poster

HearTheThunderRoar · 22/10/2015 10:50

We're in NZ, it's almost 11pm here DD told me after school.

I can't remember exactly what DD said but it was something along the lines of "I don't have it", she was confused as she handed it in. It's geography, not english!

Yeah DD won't take it personally Bake as the teacher has done similar to other students.

I agree she was having a bad day and DD bore the brunt of it. Still I don't shout at my colleagues when I am having a stressful day.

OP posts:

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