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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to go to gym and leave DS at home?

15 replies

cakedup · 21/10/2015 22:41

DS is 10, year 6.
I live opposite a gym. And I mean OPPOSITE. About 10 strides away. In fact I can see people on the treadmill when I look out my front window.

I can normally manage to go to the gym when DS is at school. However, I like to also go one weekend day (and also during half term). I have checked with DS and he is fine with this. If he wants me he can either call me and I'll be there in 30 seconds or he can even pop over. Sometimes at the weekend I'll go when he is playing out with his friends and I can see him from the gym windows. Otherwise he normally has his computer time. I go for an hour.

However, last Sunday when I was about to go, he mentioned that he looked forward to me returning from the gym. I asked him did he mind me going, was he uncomfortable on his own? He said no, he didn't mind and he wasn't scared or anything, just that the house is so much nicer when i'm at home "cos your my mum, and i just love having you around." He was saying it in a sweet way, not in a worried way.

I didn't go in the end, because I thought, well one day (soon I presume) he literally won't care if I'm there or not (or will even prefer to have the place to himself) so while he is comforted by my presence, I should make the most of it.

Another part of me thinks, don't be ridiculous, it's only an hour. And he only means he prefers me at home in the same way he prefers sleeping in my bed even though he is perfectly capable of sleeping in his own bed. He would even prefer me to sit there next to him while he plays on the computer while giving me a running commentary but I draw the fucking line there .

OP posts:

Gileswithachainsaw · 21/10/2015 22:45

I would. dint see a problem tbh. he can call if there's a problem

Gileswithachainsaw · 21/10/2015 22:47

just pick equipment close to the window so you can see if he's about to he abducted by aliens or something

StillMedusa · 21/10/2015 23:12

I'd go.
Yr 6 is old enough to be alone a little while and he can certainly come and fetch you if he needs anything!

CactusAnnie · 21/10/2015 23:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Titsalinabumsquash · 21/10/2015 23:43

If he's sensible and you trust that he could come and get you or call you or a neighbour then I'd go in a heartbeat, he's going to be at highschool next year so some independence can only be a good thing surely?

(I have a just turned 11 year old in yr6 that I leave for 15 mins while I fetch DP from work every weekday, he generally chills out in front of YouTube and Minecraft, he knows not to answer the door or the phone (unless it's someone in the programmed phone book and he knows not to use the cooker/microwave/toaster etc.)

BackforGood · 21/10/2015 23:44

Of course YANBU - perfectly reasonable

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 21/10/2015 23:47

Well you know your son better than we do. Some 10 year olds are mature enough some aren't. I think its a tad closed minded for people nto be saying, Year 6 is old enough to be left alone. All children are different. . My 10 year old self didn't know her arse from her elbow. My DD however was the polar opposite of me at that age very self sufficient.
So to summarize it . If he is a mature 10 Yes no problem. He knows where you are if he needs you.
But if he is immature tgen no. I'd say take him with you.

TowerRavenSeven · 21/10/2015 23:53

Don't flame me but I wouldn't go either. When ds was aged 10 I'd go for short walks for exercise, I'd start with 10 minutes and maybe work up to 20 minute so. The fact that he said something would hold me back but I'm a marshmallow mum.

Ds is now 13 and looks forward to us not being home!

Fatmomma99 · 21/10/2015 23:56

Agree with all the above and would add unless he has some SEN or anxiety issues, an hour is FINE to leave a Yr 6 child (who will, almost certainly) be going to school and back unassisted next September. I think this is part of the "letting go" and "encouraging independence" and in that sense, is part of what we "should" (sorry for all the use of " ") be doing as parents.

However, having said all that, and genuinely believing it to be true, I am the mother of an almost-14-yr-old and - trust me - a few minutes in her presence is now time to be treasured... She is busy, busy, busy and I am NO WHERE on her radar.
So a part of me also thinks, if you CAN spend time with your kid, then do do it, because it really won't be for much longer. I would value a regular hour (I miss her!)

Fatmomma99 · 22/10/2015 00:00

TowerRavenSeven, I'm not trying to be mean, but I keep re-reading your post and I'm struggling to understand why being a marshmallow mum is in any way a good thing.

To me "marshmallow mum" means "soft" or "unable to give a negative message to your child" or "unwilling to do anything your child may not like". I don't see what that has to do with having a 10 minute walk.

I feel like I don't get your post.

What is it you're trying to say, because I don't think I understand?

WishIWasWonderwoman · 22/10/2015 00:00

If you choose equipment near the window then it doesn't sound much different to you being in the garden to be honest.

I wouldn't feel guilty!

TowerRavenSeven · 22/10/2015 00:08

No offense taken, I suppose what I meant was if he asked me nicely I would just stay. I mentioned the 10 minute walk because I still got exercise but it wasn't an hour, to me that's a huge difference, I don't think it' has to be all or nothing.

Fatmomma99 · 22/10/2015 00:37

Wasn't trying to be nasty, but there's a parenting course I sometimes run, and there is a part of it about 4 different parenting styles and one of those is described as "marshmallow" parenting (which is, basically, not ever wanting to say no) and it's seen as a very harmful way to parent (no boundaries), so your use of the word maybe raised my hackles a little bit!

CakeNinja · 22/10/2015 00:55

I would, and do so in different circumstances.
My gym is a 5 minute drive away and during the holidays leave my 2 older ones, 11 and 10, at home while I go to the gym for an hour. I'm actually gone for about an hour and 20 minutes, take the younger one with me and put him in the crèche (not available to the older ones).
They have a phone and can call me if they need to. We have neighbours directly either side who are generally always home who they know they can call on too.
It's part of letting go, it's good for them to feel responsible and mature, and I get my exercise!
But then they are very sensible girls, they don't cook, and the most careless thing they have ever done in my absence was painted their nails and spilled some on their manky old carpet.

Original poster

cakedup · 22/10/2015 15:35

I'm not worried for his safety, especially if I leave him on the computer because he literally would not have changed position by the time I get back.

It wasn't really an issue of whether he is mature enough or not - I feel that he is more than capable of being alone for an hour, especially as I am so near.

I mean he plays out with the kids nearby (who range from ages 4 upwards) and that a lot less safe than staying at home.

And yes, he'll be at secondary school in no time by which time I am planning to be in full time work, and as a single mum, that will mean him coming home by himself.

I guess my issue is, not whether it's safe or not (I feel it is), not whether he is mature enough or not (I feel he is) but whether I should when he would just prefer me to be around because he is still at the age when he likes hanging out with his mum!

Like Fatmomma99 says, if you CAN spend time with your kid, then do do it, because it really won't be for much longer. I would value a regular hour (I miss her!) Awww, I can't get him away from under my feet for more than 5 mins...to think I'll actually 'miss' him one day.

OP posts:

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