How annoyed should I be about this?

[tywinlannister]

My DS started school this year. Was loving it, all was good. One day we dropped him off and one particular child (who I had witnessed being "spirited" in the playground and at settling in sessions before and who DS had said was in trouble quite a bit) started pushing him and tickling him to the point where my DS started to get upset. The mother made no attempt to stop him so I asked him to stop. He then stole my DS's hat and the Mum got it back after a fight but no telling off at all. We moved away and I've not stood with her since.

DS then told me he had done this in school with his bag. I wrote the teacher a letter (as I was at work so couldn't see her in person for a week) asking that they just keep an eye on the two of them so my DS doesn't have his things taken off him anymore.

Cut to today, they warn my Mum when she picked up that my DS has a huge chunk of hair missing and they don't know how. He refuses to say to anyone who did it. I initially laughed it off but he seemed apprehensive so I said in a jokey way "Did Bob do it?" (made up name of a nice boy that plays a lot with DS but with the other child too). DS said Yes, Bill (spirited boy) told him to.

It's parents evening tomorrow. I understand that kids do this stuff all the time. I cut my brothers hair. It's only hair and will grow back, but this is at school where they should be supervised with scissors because of eyes etc, esp given that I'd specifically highlighted issues with this child and DS. I don't want to be over protective or "that parent" but my DS is scalped! How could they not have noticed while he was doing it? I am new to this, how do I broach it?

Two children in school and in both classes in reception and later years there have been hair cutting incidents by different children. Unfortunately it happens when the little darlings get scissors.

You need to separate the two events out. Bob cut his hair not bill so even if he did tell him to you can't blame that child. You can raise your concerns about the Bill if your child is struggling with the attention he us giving your son.

I'd have a little patience, their all settling in. Some of them will only be just turned 4. Is defiantly worth keeping on top of the situation b checking in with the teacher.

Sorry Sawdust but my DS is a very mature 5 and can coherently explain what happened. He is not in the habit of laying blame on other children if they haven't done anything, if anything he usually says he doesn't know or he forgot. If I hadn't witnessed the incident with the tickling and hat stealing myself, I probably would never have known it was going on inside school too.

Me : Did Bob do it? (knowing he would say either yes, or stick up for Bob and name the person who did do it)
DS : Yes he did but Bill told him to.
Me : How do you know he told him to?
DS : Because he got us mixed up and whispered in to my ear, Bob! Cut his hair!
Me : Why did he whisper it to you?
DS : He forgot which was which because we both have blonde hair. After he said it to me, he said it again to Bob.

I would say that's a pretty clear explanation. Certainly clearer than the "we just don't know how it happened" which is what my Mum got from his teacher.

Regardless of who did it, my DS has a giant bald spot. And yet again I hear this other child's name in association with it.

dd2 cut her hair in reception, huge great chunks of it before the teacher noticed. She is normally sensible and certainly not one where they would keep an eye on her with scissors.
It took about 10 seconds and she chopped so much hair off one side that I had to cut her hair into a bob that evening.

Teachers are human and there are 30 kids, and a 4/5 year old is perfectly capable of using a pair of scissors.

I think both incidents are relevant because they show the school is not always taking notice of volatile situations.

I asked if he did it himself. He said, "What is the point of cutting my own hair? Am I a hairdresser??? NO!"

I think its perfectly reasonable for the teachers to have missed it, its impossible for them to keep an eye on everyone and hair can be cut off in seconds... However, Op's son does have a chunk of hair missing, and he is clearly having issues with this other little boy. They are defo old enough to start learning the importance of respect and personal space.

Its obviously a consistent problem if OP's lo is getting worried about going into school, and so its okay to have a calm word with the teachers, see what they can do, and hopefully they can talk to the boy's parents, try and get him to see what he is doing that is naughty

Issues that OP already highlighted and asked them to watch, and now here this boy is again and there is hair missing this time.

I wouldn't wait till parents evening. I would either email the school tonight listing everything that's happened in a non emotional way OR ring 8.30am tomorrow morning requesting to speak to the head or leaving a message requesting she call you back first thing.

The head/teacher needs to deal with the issue in the morning. It needs to be resolved before parents evening

Email is probably your best approach because it's almost guaranteed that action will be taken immediately.

sorry Op I wasn't suggesting he did it himself, rather that a lot of hair damage can happen very quickly even in a well run classroom with sensible kids. As I said teachers are human and there are 30 kids.

I would echo the write to school in an email. Deal with this separately to parents evening. Use parents evening to hear about YOUR child, not to take about Bill

I would ask for a separate meeting to discuss this and not use the 10 minutes at parents evening to raise this, it needs more time.

I haven't read all of the responses so apologies if I am repeating but don't loose sight of the fact that it was Bob and not Bill who cut your son's hair. (He has not been scalped, his hair was not pulled out, it was cut.)

Yes, you have witnessed Bob's behaviour towards your son and your son has told you about other incidents where Bob has been unkind to him and these should be discussed with the teacher but Bob did not cut your son's hair.

Or perhaps that should have been Bill in the last paragraph! Doh!