I am 26. I have been married for nearly two years, and have worked since I was 18, after dropping out of university due to not fitting in (never been one for drinking or partying, so I had no friends) and a family bereavement.
I have been in my current job for a year and a half. I had a fantastic manager, but she left due to disputes with our head of department. She was the second member of staff to leave, and everyone else is looking for jobs.
Since she left we have all been so badly mismanaged. The head of department scheduled a meeting about the failure of a campaign whilst the person who ran the campaign was on leave. She then shouted at the only member of the department who was there, when it wasn't their fault, until they burst into tears. She has also walked out on us in the middle of meetings, sent passive aggressive emails and constantly tells everyone what they wants to hear, and then directly contradicts it in her behaviour. None of us know where we stand.
I am also being excluded from tasks that I should rightfully be involved with due to another member of the team acting like they are replacing my manager. This means that work is going out with mistakes on, which makes me look really bad, even though I have been excluded from it. I take pride in my work, so all in all, I am going home in tears every evening.
I have been looking for a job since July. I am on a very good salary, so have struggled to find anything at a comparable level. I would be losing a quarter of my salary to move to another full time job in the current market. Since I started in my career, the field has changed substantially. It has become increasingly more digitally based, and I'm finding it hard to be interested in it, as I specialise in other areas. A lot of the jobs are asking for this interest, and experience, which makes things a million times worse.
We eat rubbish food and eat out because I am exhausted the whole time (and my husband seems to think cooking has little to do with him, lovely as he is in other ways!). This means I have put on a lot of weight. Our house is always a tip, and our relationship is suffering because I am so unhappy.
We are comfortably off financially, but enjoy going on holidays. I have a history of anxiety and depression, and because I've been so unhappy lately, I've been buying things to cheer myself up, but it is so fleeting. I know this is a horrible, stupid pattern to get into.
I have an idea for a novel about something that happened within my family. It is a fairly unique idea, but with the exhaustion and anxiety I am currently facing, I can't seem to muster up much enthusiasm to tackle it. I am attending a writing course in the evenings, but have missed it the last two weeks because of panic attacks. I have been told that I am genuinely talented at writing, and I write professionally at work as well. If I can complete it, I genuinely think my novel has a chance of being a success.
I have found a part time job, three days a week, in my chosen field that would remain focused on the areas of the role I am interested in. It would mean losing around 40% of my salary. We could just stretch to this, with not very much money left for luxuries. We have some money in a back up fund for emergencies. If I got this role, I could probably start in January, meaning I could pay for my car service, and book one last holiday for next year, before starting the new role.
If I had two extra days off a week, I would spend one day writing my novel, half a day tidying the house, and half a day batch cooking for the freezer and prepping ingredients, to ensure that we eat better food. My Mum lives on her own and has just come out of hospital, so I would also aim to spend more time with her, as she is really important to me. I know that I would need to be disciplined with the time I have available to me.
We want to have children in the next few years, and the reduction in income concerns me. Equally, having a part time job that I could return to after maternity leave would also be of benefit. I worry that if I continue on the path I am now, I will continue to feel unfulfilled and unhappy. We have owned our house since I was 20, and this meant I had to grow up quite quickly. I have always, always done the sensible thing, and just once, I want to put my heart first.
I love to travel, but I'm just not sure that it is worth putting myself through this for a few weeks of joy every year, and misery the rest of the time. Has anyone else been in this position? Is it worth giving it all up to have more time to keep on top of things, and do something you are passionate about?
Please know that I am aware how lucky I am to be in this position at all. I know that so many people out there are struggling, and as a teenager, my Mum and I often had no money for food, so I know that the way we have been living is stupid. I just don't know what to do moving forward.
So...AIBU to take a leap of faith?