To think dd needs a reality check

[systemusername]

One of my dc is a young teen (13)
She is always spouting stuff about families jobs like 'i wouldn't do that I would just leave' 'if they made me work when I wanted to go on holiday I would sack them off' ' if they moaned at me for being late or having to leave I would tell them to do one' ' no way I'm working in a shop/ McDonalds etc for national minimum wage' I'm not walking like you (I can't drive), I'm getting a car' 'Im moving out when I'm 19 because I need somewhere bigger' 'im not doing x job' 'im not going to college for blah years' 'im not working for x grand a year'

When I told her to move out at 19 she would have to pay rent etc or to pay for a car and petrol she would therefore have to work she did a lot of huffing about working on nmw and college and had a strop over it.

Similarly when she's talked about uni and working.

I've always worked hard all her life and worked some awful and low paid jobs. Two years older than she is now I was working full time so this isn't coming from me.

Aibu and expecting too much? For the record I am low working income so our lifestyle isn't a posh one. She is due to inherit a decent amount of money at 21 and I don't want her to see this as a sit on her backside opportunity.

Buy her this: sign!

No matter how much the inheritance is, money can go quite quickly. It might be helpful to show her exactly how quickly it can go. She could buy a house, yes, but she's not then just living free. She needs to pay gas, electric, water, council tax, insurance, groceries, maintenance and upkeep on the house... I imagine at her age, she's not thought about that. Being able to buy a house doesn't mean she'll never have to work. Maybe explain to her that loads of people have bought a house and then lost it due to financial problems.

I absolutely love that sign

before Ds went to Uni we did stuff like take him shopping to see exactly how much an average shop cost without the extras, can you get her involved a bit in budgeting, so cost up with her exactly how much bills, food, toiletries, cleaning stuff, loo roll etc costs how much petrol is, how much car tax, TV licence etc is and how much an average student loan / first job might bring in each month. see if you can make a game of having to work out how it could be done think there are student calculators out there and probably other stuff too that would help but tbh I think most average 13 year olds would act and think just like this so maybe just keep up the message you are giving that 'yes love, that would be nice, work hard and you can get a good job to cover all those costs'

My SiL is exactly the same.

Doesn't understand why she can't just have a day off whenever she feels like it. Doesn't understand why she has to be on time. Gets huffy if she's asked to do something. Wants managing roles despite having no experience. Refuses to work for minimum wage. Won't do a job where they have 'targets'. Won't get out of bed for less than 25K...

She's 34, btw.

She has an equally astonishing list of criteria any man she'll date has to meet too. But that's a whole other thread.

It's great that DD will not have to struggle like you have, just to put a roof over her head. This must be such a big thing with you.

But please be careful not to switch one problem for another. If you were to get the money, you would appreciate it as you know what it's like to go without. It sounds like your DD doesn't know what that feels like; the money will be an entitlement.

It will spoil her. Please believe me. Money, with no restrictions or advice on its worth, will be a bad thing.

On the plus side, she is only 13. 8 years until she gets it. That's long enough for (1) your parents to stop talking about it (2) you to introduce the concept of strings being attached to it, whether or not true. Those strings should be (imo), full time education of the type and level you approve of, and the money to be used only for housing (3) to get her to do, specifically NMW summer jobs. She needs to understand what you have been through, where her inheritance has come from and how hard life can be.

I'm sorry but 13 is far too old to be spouting opinions such as these. She is absolutely not too old to learn humility, gratitude and an understanding that she is a lucky young girl to be in line for an inheritance.

(Separately, I've always thought 21 is far too young to inherit. But that's another thread entirely).

Tell her the reality about the costs of running the car. Leaving out of account the cost of the car itself and depreciation, at the age of 19 insurance will be over £1500 a year, servicing and MOT will if she's very lucky be around £800, road tax will probably be around £250 by then, and petrol will probably be around £2500-3000 per year depending, obviously, on how much she drives, size of car etc. She will also have to think about parking and the occasional larger repair bill. If she buys the car on hire purchase, obviously there will be the repayments to deal with. So that's going to be around £6K a year before she starts paying rent, buying food and clothes, paying for utilities, phone charges and internet connection - to say nothing of entertainment.

Then suggest she maybe puts off the car purchase for a few years. And starts working very hard to get some decent qualifications to get a job to finance the lifestyle she wants.

OP have you sat her down and explained how hurtful these comments are? My mum and dad had mega tough upbringings in the slums in Glasgow in the 50s and 60s and if I ever hit out with anything like that as a teenager (or any age for that matter) they'd have wiped the floor with me metaphorically speaking....because they worked so hard for me to have a lovely upbringing. I'm sorry OP, you sound like you're a hard worker and I don't accept that your daughter should be allowed to speak to you like that at any age. Get her told and cut back on all the nice things for a little while until she realises how hard you work for her. Some may say I'm too hard but I think you'll benefit in the long run.