to think ds should cough up?

[snetterdee]

Background single mum with 2 DC at home aged 22 and 15, I'm not working at the moment due to mental health problems (serious stuff but getting better) supported eldest all through college paying travel and lunch money etc then to university where he didn't pay any expenses at home and used his maintenance grant and loans for his own needs.
He's now working in a fantastic job that took months for him to be able to start ,anyway now that he's working my rent paid by the council is (quite rightly) reduced so ds has to make up the difference (about £300) which he pays directly to the landlord, he is supposed to pay the shortfall in council tax too but fell lucky in that I had some money owed to me from the council and so I simply had it knocked off my council tax this year,anyway ds now will not pay anything at all into the house for food heating utilities washing ironing etc etc I even buy his deodorant and toothpaste.
His job is v well paid and I accept its his money he has learnt but he argues that as I'm not working I should be "grateful" and I understand he needed work wear but suits at over 300 a go and silk ties and shirts at nearly 30 each when I'm struggling surely is a kick in the teeth.....so aibu to ask for keep?

[Borninthe60s]

PS, go to estate agents and get info on a few places he could rent, give them to him and say you never thought it would come to this but if he really isn't willing to contribute more then he would be better off renting his own place and you and your other ds would be too. Explain that he's basically affecting both of you. Sounds to me like he's had it very easy and is a typical selfish young adult who is refusing to grow up.

[ohtheholidays]

OP I agree with strawberry,when I was giving the money and doing the things I did for my parents(what I mentioned in my other post)I was only 16 and I was saving up for an Engagement party(that was huge)and a huge wedding.

I got engaged at 17 and married at 18,we both had lots of friends(we worked at the same place in different areas)and I have a massive family.

So it cost us a fortune and between me and ex husband we got less per month between us than your son is receiving and we managed.We also saved up for a deposit for place to live and for furniture ect and we still managed to go out with friends,eat out buy new clothes ect.

Neither of us received any help from our parents,we had to do it all by ourselves.

Your son needs to step up and start acting like a grown up.

Have you shown him this thread?If not it might be an idea.

[torthecatlady]

Hi, Just my two cents worth!

Sorry to hear you are not well, I hope you get back to yourself soon.

I think you should give your son a sit down and say you need to talk. Explain the situation formally. Give him a couple of months notice and explain you need him out by a certain date.

Explain that you think it's for the best and it's not because you don't love him etc. And also leave the door open. If he struggles on his own, help him - snd offer to have him back but rules will be in place.

Once he gets a sniff of independence, i doubt he will come back!

The stress will not be helping you get better. Please put yourself first and let us know how it goes :) x

[MrsJayy]

Sometimes ime with grown kids we blink and they are adults i have children round about your sons ages if they stay at home during college we forget to let them be adults and they forget they are adults its a weird transition I was a mother at dds age yet im still asking her if she wants x for tea and reminding her to empty the drier.

[NotAnotherMonday]

I haven't rtft thread but I am disgusted at your sons attitude. I'm a year older than him and have been supporting myself for two years now and also now have my own DD and a partner. It is hard but my mum (who was also a single parent) couldn't help and neither could my brother. Your son needs reality check. The cheek of him.

[StrawberryTeaLeaf]

Did you talk to him OP? How are things?