To be upset that my sister hasn't remembered/acknowledged my daughter's birthday?

[Gowditay]

It was yesterday. She was 13. Sister has a lot going on in her life but even a Facebook message to me saying she'd forgotten to send a card would have been better than nothing.

Sister isn't communicating with me much at all for reasons I don't really umderstand - except there's a family perception that I have 'it all' - eg I'm married to a nice guy whereas she is divorced from her exh who was/is a twat. She doesn't communicate with me in person just relies on Facebook to post lots of cryptic messages .

Dd had a bit of a sad week (a pet confirmed very ill, a falling out with a friend - I know not earth shattering but sad when you are 13!) SO a card from her auntie or a message would have been nice.

AIBU?

I couldn't get upset over this.
Can't believe a 13 year old would be either.

My brother probably doesn't even know the dates of my children's birthdays, and has never wished them a happy birthday or given them a present.

I can't get worked up about it. He has many other excellent qualities he just doesn't care about birthdays.

I think this is more about you than your dd. I have a similar relationship with my sister, although probably 100 times worse! It used to be like yours, but at Christmas, she sent me a string of horrible abusive messages. I didn't speak to her for 7 months and only started speaking again as my mum is seriously ill. She nearly always has forgotten my dd's birthday, and slightly more often remembers my son's. Despite me always sending cheques on her children's birthdays, not usually acknowledged, apart from the year I accidently post dated it! My dd isn't really bothered. I don't think my sister even features much in her life. Sadly, none of my birth family have bothered with my children or me tbh and therefore there isn't really a relationship to miss. :(

Look if you want to make sure your sister sends a card, ask her to send a card. Like you say, she's got a lot going on, and your dd isn't her priority. That's just how it is when life is a bit shit. You don't necessarily think of the little things.

In the nicest possible way, nieces and nephews birthdays are not a priority at all. You write the dates down, but sometime you forget to check. I try to remember, but there are so many other birthdays/ anniversaries/ school special days/ celebration days, it never ends.

I don't think my kids would even notice the lack of card from their aunt/ uncle. To be honest, the youngest ones are still a bit puzzled by cards, and seem to wonder why they have to be so excited and grateful for a piece of paper.

We are a big family and try to keep up with all the nieces and nephews but know sometimes I don't. It's life. We are all busy with our own kids.

I would leave it op. Bet your dd couldn't care less at 13.

We re quite a close family and we all have to remind each other when it's the kids birthdays. Even then, it's usually a telephone call to wish the child a happy birthday and a gift when they next see them.
I don't think cards are a big deal.

I always remember my niece & nephews birthdays. Even when I was in hospital having my hysterectomy I remembered and arranged a card with money in to be sent. My brothers remember my dc's birthdays too. My auntie remembers mine & my brothers and she remembers mine & my brothers dc's.
I think it's important to acknowledge family members birthdays even if it's not important to you it is to others.

YABU, yes it's annoying but people forget, don't have the time to get a card etc and I am sure your DD is old enough to not get upset about it. Card are pretty pointless imo, waste of money and just end up sitting in a draw for years.

I can't remember the last time my DD received a card from two of my brothers (am NC with the other and still sends presents!) would have been over a decade ago when she was still a pre schooler. In fact we saw one of my brother's last year on DD's birthday and he didn't even know it was her birthday until I mentioned it in passing. My DD still thinks the world of my brothers and loves them dearly.

And in all honestly I only know the months my nieces and nephews are born in, I use to get them a present until they were teenagers but then we relocated and I stopped.

Thanks. Because I have such a crap relationship with my parents (abusive alcoholic mum) I don't really know how all this works.

You're right to say cards shouldn't matter. I suppose a message on Facebook would have been good as that's what other friends (who know us but not well enough to send a card or anything iyswim ) have done.

I'll woman up

I think you just need to accept you and your Dd are not on your sisters Radar except for her cryptic snidey fb messages but I can see why you were hurt if yoyr familiy are a bit shit and selfish then of course this will have hurt you its just another thing theh are selfish about. A birthday card is just a nice thing to send you dont need to woman up imo you can be upset and move on.

This thread really has made me feel better. Thanks! At the risk of sounding a bit soppy, it's quite freeing to stop grumbling about it.

My dd IS a bit disappointed though mainly as when dsis and I were getting on well, she would always send fun presents to dd and so she has a history of it. I think dd was looking forward to getting her Japanese stickers/lip gloss something funky!

YANBU. Cards do matter, because it's a sign that someone is thinking of you and that you are special to them. I'd be pissed off about this too. It sounds like you've had a really hard time with family, but you need to start to know your own value -- this is not how you and your daughter ought to be treated by the people who are supposed to care about you. Can't believe so many other posters are OK with this.

neveramorningperson if your children don't appreciate cards that are sent to them and only want gifts then you need to teach them not to be such brats IMO.

My Inlaws (dh) brother and wife just stopped sending birthday cards one year a birthday parcel for 1 of their dc was left in a shed bil phoned us complaining we hadnt sent a birthday card they found it a week later it wasnt my fault they didnt see the card from the postman anyway they just stopped sending our dc presents and cards the dc were upset about it for a few years it isnt about the stuff really its the family ignoring them imo

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. I'm one of 6 and all but one of us has children so I have masses of nieces and nephews as well as 4 children myself. Not once have any of us forgotten birthdays, my brothers aren't so good at the presents but always send a card and money if they can't be there in person. It does matter, the little things are how we show we care, that we are willing to go out of our way to make that effort.
So yes I would be upset too but I would also have said to my sister did you forget, can I grab a card from you etc if she did forget by mistake. But from what you've said you don't have that kind of relationship.
Happy birthday to your dd.

It's horrible when family members are so self absorbed that they forget these things, but some people are just like that. You can either let it upset you or not. MIL forgets her own son and grand-daughter unless I remind her, and then I get constant digs and reminders about theirs. Sometimes it's not worth the thought space.

My FIL is still to appear with birthday presents for my eldest two dcs - he's a man in his 70's on his own and my dcs all know how it is. He'll appear randomly in mid Nov like an early Santa bearing gifts - the birthdays were late Aug/Sept.

I've been NC with my SIL for years and MIL used to fling money in a card "from your auntie" which annoys me but now that doesn't even happen.

My kids don't care and just appreciate what turns up whenever it happens. We don't set a lot of store my birthdays anyway, which is just as well as both theirs and mine were a write off this year.

People do what they can and that's nice especially for the children.
I don't think it's worth getting upset about what people can't do or haven't done.
Life can be busy! Some people are not that organised
Think we just need more kindness and understanding all round - whether for you that means sending a card or forgiving someone else for not doing so

Agree with Mama1980 who said much what I think, but was nicer than me!

Aw, JugglingFromHereToThere you're so understanding. (And you're right.) Made me feel all warm inside.

My dds 7 bday yesterday, no cards from my 5 siblings. I am not particularly worried/ bothered about it. Dd had a lovely birthday, I could have reminded her aunt's and uncles but honestly I fail on birthday cards for my 12 nieces and nephews all the time. I think it depends on the precedent in your family. Mine is pretty relaxed about these things, so if I wanted cards I would have sent gentle reminders out. We generally manage Xmas cards/ presents but birthdays? Not such a big deal...

If usually your family sets a lot of store by the remembrance of birthdays then it is more of a slight to forget one.

Lots of wise words here. Think dsis is in a dark place at the moment sadly not taking any advice from anyone so sending cards probably low on her agenda.

NoseinaBook79

Oh, really.

my children are not expecting presents from anyone else than us (birthdays) or Father Christmas, but the youngest ones do not understand the point of a birthday card at all. If you are around and give them a kiss, they would be much happier.

I personally dislike cards sent with just a signature because people haven't bothered to write anything nice. It's perfectly fine at work, but quite sad if it is family. What is the point of receiving a card with nothing written on it? (or just happy birthday from xxx)?

I agree that it's the thought that counts, but in that case, there is no thought behind it.

YANBU. I don't think it takes that much effort to remember a family member's birthday, especially a child, but your sister sounds quite self absorbed. Many people have busy or difficult lives but still manage to think of others.