To be fuming at the cheek of DDs ex husband.

[magicmotown]

I've name changed for this but I'm a regular.
My daughter divorced her husband about 8 years ago because of terrible abusive behaviour. They have a daughter together who is now 10, he has never paid maintenance. He always said she had her maintenance in the form of a lump sum she received from the marital home which she left when his behaviour became very nasty.
She's been through the CSA or whatever they call themselves now but they accepted his lies about not earning enough money, (he's a self employed joiner) and has a very nice comfortable lifestyle.
The only time my dgd gets anything is birthdays and Christmas when he spends money on things of his choice, not hers.
Anyway my dgd is going on a school trip very soon which my DD has paid for (she works but doesn't earn much), however she has a list of required clothing for this trip which my DD is struggling to pay for. I've helped out as much as I can but there was still a fair bit to get.
My DD decided to ask her ex if he could contribute something. I wasn't holding my breath because she's often asked in the past for similar and gets refused. He sees Dgd every fortnight so today when DD was dropping her off she asked him. Amazingly he agreed, and asked for the list and said he would take dgd and buy the last bits, which came to about £40.
All well and good but my DD has just told me that the b*d has informed her that the cost of what he's bought will come out of her Christmas money.
I want to phone him up to have a rant but my DD said don't. I'm sorry but I've ranted on here instead. I need to calm down. She gets fk all in maintenance all year and he's begrudging a lousy 40 quid for her school trip. Aibu to be livid. Sorry for the long post.

Oh OP, I really feel for you, I really do. My ex-h refused to contribute £15 towards the £30 it cost for my DS's second hand bed. This was the "man" who said his son "would always have the best"...until he moved in with OW and then her and her DS got the benefit of that. They are disgusting lowlife individuals, they really are. I would want a rant aswell, I have often wanted to rant myself but realised it was a lost cause. Take comfort that your DG will one day realise what a twat he is and will no longer want anything to do with him. I wish I could say I am surprised, but I am not. It's utterly foul. For you and your DD

He only sees her once a fortnight, not always though. Sometimes he can't manage it. It's his loss, she's great to be around,. You'd think he'd be dead proud of her, he's never once gone to watch her in her singing, which she's good at, or turned up for a parents evening, or really just took a bit of interest in her life. He's a complete and utter dead loss. He's only got himself to blame when he's older and won't feel a daughters love.

Thank you TheformidableMrsC

He could have a brilliant accountant but they're not allowed to evade tax or do anything illegal. Putting in a call to hmrc might make you feel a bit better for having taken action against this hideous specimen. If it's all above board there'll be nothing to find. And if it's not... well that's his look out.

I'd also be worried if his life style didn't reflect his earnings from a money laundering perspective. So I might make another call or two which some might consider vindictive but I would consider fair game in the context of a non-paying parent.

If I were making the law I'd make a minimum that has to be paid whether working or not (children still have to eat etc) and attach all earnings in the same way student loans have to be repaid. Then I'd send the bailiffs round for any missed payments regardless of working or not. Oh and I'd take the bastards' passports and driving licences away until they started paying and put fuck off black marks on their credit files... so I'm not really liberal minded about this stuff!

He's an utter arse. The only positives are: your gd recognises (enough) that he's not going to be swayed (phonecall). She's aware at some level of what he is. And, some of her Christmas budget this year has gone onto stuff she has marginslly more control over (clothes) than his choice.

On a different note, is there a chance that your grandchild could be eligible for free school meals if your daughter's income is low? The attached pupil premium funding is frequently used by schools to help fund school visits for children who couldn't otherwise afford to go.

I have the same issues with my ex. I work but earn very little and paid for the last school trip for our DS. I asked DS to ask his father for the money for this one and he was told 'I give her money for that'. The trip would cost me a months allowance basically and we just can't afford that. This coming from a man who has close to a million!

I think his accountant naively believes his income is very low. Because he works for himself I don't believe he declares all the jobs he does. I'm sure my DD told me last year that the CSA were saying something like "as he only earns £150 a week he isn't able to pay maintenance." or something like that. If they only investigated that ludicrous statement it would be so obvious that it wasn't true.
Inertia I'll mention that to my DD. Thanks.

Your DGD will see the light at some point in the next few years and either cut contact with him or call him out on all of his shortcomings. He sounds very similar to my dad and uncle and myself, my 2 siblings and my 2 cousins all either cut contact or blew up at our DFs in our teen years, out of 5 of us only 2 still have any contact and that's highly sporadic.
Once they get to the age where they can see what's going on and know its not right its hard to stop doing something about the injustice.
Whilst your DD may be struggling your DGD will always know that she has done all she can for her and much more than her DF has ever done. I know it's hard to sit by and watch but it will get better.

So shop him to HMRC and shop him for money laundering (quick call to crime stoppers).

Professional accountants if they want to retain their chartered status cannot be naive. Or as those in the business call it negligent.

My DD gets £10 a fortnight off her dad when he has her for 5 hours as thats all the time he can be arsed to spend on her. However in the summer he doesnt have her as he'll have to get her a birthday present and well i am a cunt for springing that one on him every year. So for the 6 week holidays he fucks off to all the music festivals doesnt contact her or send any money nor does he make it up when he gets back as she clearly doesnt need it as weve managed without it, doesnt pay for school uniform or towards school trips just £10 every fortnight he has contact. Then throws teddy outta cot when i spring christmas on him again. As though these events dont happen every year on the same day and i just spring them on him. DD is 9 and thinks the sun shines out of his arse. He tells her how important she is all the time to him yet fails to show it I cant wait until she realises. I want to tell him im not doing christmas for her this year as her lesson from me is learning that its better to give than receive and it will be a nice break since i always spring these bloody things on us anyways. But then it wont change the selfish bugger will it. Wtf is wrong with some people?

I really think the government should pursue these useless waste of spaces more vigorously. They are committing a crime but it doesn't seem to matter. My DD was recently told that as of next year maintenance dodgers won't be actively pursued unless requested and there will be a charge for their involvement. So it seems that parents who wish to get justice for their children are going to be abandoned. Not that this will make any difference to my daughter, she's never had anything anyway.