To regret sending DD to a private special school

[Thespiderinthebath]

Hello,

Just to keep it short.

DD has an above average intelligence, but has severe verbal dyspraxia and has a expressive and receptive language disorder (her understanding and speech is of a three year old and she will be six soon.)

DD was in mainstream ( Reception ) class and even though she enjoyed her time spent there, the gap between her and her peers were already widening and they were subtle signs that if DD didn't get the right help, she would academically fall greatly behind. DD can talk really well, but to a stranger, all you can hear is gibberish, she talks non- stop but you will not ever be able to understand a word she says.

DD did have a statement, whilst being at her reception mainstream class and have access to a 1:1 support. But it was very clear that she needed a lot more help than one to one and so I sought to find her a school (mainstream or special) to see if it would accommodate all her needs

After a long tribunal battle, I was able to get funding to place her into a private special school, which is only for children with speech, language communication difficulties.

She has just started this September and is doing really well. But she tells me that she misses her old school friends, and parents and her class mates from her old school tell me that everyone misses DD.

I definitely miss the social aspect and the community like feel which going to a local mainstream school provides. Though, I'm glad DD is going to a school that gives her the specialised support.

AIBU to feel like this? Please talk some sense into me.

Don't panic, it's early days still. I'd try and engineer as much social contact as possible with her old friends and then give it some time.

Even if you do a year and then transfer her back, it's a year of support at exactly the time she will need it. I'd hang in there. My ds would probably have benefitted from exactly what you're doing.

I have a son with autism and we are battling to get him into a special school so I can see where you are coming from. However I would say any child changing schools is going to feel uncomfortable and a bit homesick (for want of a better word) only a few weeks in. If you're confident the school is going to be better for her long term then I would stick it out for the time being but maybe arrange lots of weekend meet ups with her old friends to keep her happy at the weekend and still in touch with them. I'd also look at out of school special needs groups locally to build some new friends if she doesn't have a natural peer group at school.

Thanks for your comments. We would definitely keep in touch with her old friends.

It's really early days.

Honestly, I would try to take it as a positive that your DD is missed by her old friends and that she misses them. She is obviously a lovely child with good social skills.

Keep in touch with the lovely friends. Do any of them do swimming/rainbows/dancing/football that she can join so she sees them regularly and you see parents?

Our DD is ten and moved from mainstream to a special school when she was eight. My advice is that the gap between her and her peers widened massively, and so by the age of eight it was definitely the right thing to do.

Hang on in there - I'm sure you've done the right thing x

You are definitely doing the right thing sending your dd to her specialist school. The gap between her and her peers would have widened, and she would have really struggled, in mainstream. Sending dd 8 to her specialist ASD school has been the best thing ever, she is happy, confident, achieving and calmer.

Still keep in touch with her peers from her old mainstream school.

Thanks everyone, I feel reassured that I've done the best thing for DD.

Definitely the right choice. In mainstream gap would have widened, she would have probably ended up incredibly frustrated and hating school. Main stream are a bit rubbish in my experience especially with disordered speech and processing.

It is early days. But thanks a lot for the reassurance. I guess I could of waited to see how DD panned out at her mainstream school. But I couldn't take the risk and thought it was best to tackle it now, whilst young, than when she's older.

Are there any after school activities your dad and her old friends can do, rainbows or something? Sounds like you have made the right choice education wise but perhaps you are both missing the social side that can come with mainstream. Can you invite her old classmates and their parents around to play?

Taking the long view. By getting that specialist help her speech will be more understandable to people outside her own circle, you are giving her much more ability to engage with her community in years to come. In the long term this sounds like such a good "investment".

I am sure her own school is its own community, it's just that you can't be so much a part of it and it doesn't extend so much into evenings and weekends. But for her, it is real and valuable.

Brownies etc can go either way. If it keeps her in touch with her old friends, fab. But it can add to isolation if she feels like an outsider there. Just listen to her and don't force it if it isn't working.

You really have done the right thing; your daughter will get specific speech and language help at just the right age, far more support than could ever be provided at mainstream level, and the aim is for children to re-enter mainstream school later if it is appropriate. It does happen.

I now feel much better. I was really sad as DD and I miss her mainstream school so much. But her speech is very severe ( of a three year old...just!) and I knew that if she didn't get the intensive support now, she would of struggled in the long term.