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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that having a 2yo is the most unenjoyable thing ever?

113 replies

BasinHaircut · 17/10/2015 18:38

Am I doing it wrong?

He is selectively deaf.

What he does 'hear' he just says no to, even though he apparently doesn't understand the word no when I use it

He says everything 5 million times

He is loud

He is destructive

He is non-stop

He has started waking again at night

I hate it.

He is also hilarious and I love him so much it hurts, but 95% of the time he is awake I wish he wasn't here.

I am awful aren't I, and certainly not cut out to be a mother?

OP posts:

Sazzle41 · 17/10/2015 20:35

Nursery places for 2yr olds are free 2 days a week.... you need breaks and adult compnany if you have a toddler like this. Get out every day for a long walk and a park break (fresh air makes them cream crackered usually). I nannied but the toddler i had was a breeze and took looooonnnng naps.

Pick your battles. Is there anything that occupies him/fascinates him for at least half an hour maybe longer? Lego? A cartoon? Drawing? Making dens out of chairs/blankets? Audiobooks of his fave book on audible.co.uk? An hour and a half of 'quiet time' every day where they watch their fave cartoon/film on a loop or their fave activity and you collapse with Mumsnet/cuppa/or nap on sofa next to him is not the end of the world/bad parenting. It will get better, then he will be a teen.... with all the ahem joy that brings....

minesapintofwine · 17/10/2015 20:36

Op I feel for you. And know what u mean. I have 3 year old twins and the last 3 years have been relentless and tiring. Dt1 is much much harder, nags all day, doesn't sleep etc (that's not to say urs will at 3). BUT..they go to school and it makes everything so much easier. I get a break, I get to breathe, I actually am starting to feel normal! I feel like Im coming out of a fog. There have been some good bits, and it really isn't forever. I promise.

maggiethemagpie · 17/10/2015 20:37

I really hope no one struggling with fertility problems reads this post. They would probably say NOT having a two year old is the most unenjoyable thing ever.

And I do actually have a two year old myself, so feel qualified to comment.

I know looking after toddlers can be hard, but just feel for those who struggle to have kids when I read posts like this.

Leavingsosoon · 17/10/2015 20:41

So by that logic, no one can complain about pregnancy either, or childbirth?

My parents are dead so I don't want anyone complaining about theirs either.

minesapintofwine · 17/10/2015 20:44

Maggie it's a good point. But I will say I had 8 years of fertility issues which eventually led to ivf, led to twins. Idont ever forget the emotional rollercoster of that time. But my 3 year old dts are still hard work, as much as I love them, am grateful for them. Tbh I would have read this.post wistfully going through a that crap though

ginmakesitallok · 17/10/2015 20:46

We have a 12 year old and a 6 year old. I've been off with them all week. They play together for 5 minutes then it all kicks off. The eldest knows exactly which buttons to press, and the 6 years old doesn't so just screams and hits out- hard. It's exhausting.

I loved the toddler stages!

greenhill · 17/10/2015 20:47

maggiethemagpie you don't know what fertility issues others on this thread have gone through, before they had their DC or if they've struggled to have more DC after either.

It took two years to have my first after various tests for both of us, then I had a mmc, so had an erpc, before my second.

Busyworkingmum71 · 17/10/2015 20:50

Yup the 2yo phase is tough, glad you love your dc to bits, sounds like you need a break and a decent nights sleep or two.

I longed for mine to be asleep. The whole day every day was structured around nap time and bed time, and when they stopped napping I honestly thought I would go mad.

But I didnt, I got through it, and you will too. It will get better, promise until the teenage years

Hang in there xxx

Igelei · 17/10/2015 20:52

I wish I could pick my battles. Unfortunately I have to get ds2 to school somehow and it's a 7 minute drive which is usually carried out late, and punctuated by tears, refusal to enter the vehicle, and continuous screams if not full scale rebellion and unfastening of seatbelts, followed by a small (and not yet dressed) person climbing onto my lap whilst I am trying to drive.

At the moment we have Grandma as a fallback babysitter which requires an hour's cycle ride for her at 7am.

I can't wait for this phase to end. It's doing us all in.

youngestisapsycho · 17/10/2015 20:53

I'm not gonna read all the other replies, just say YES I agree!

Igelei · 17/10/2015 20:54

I was actually considering the 2 hours of free childcare before this phase kicked off. Atm I'm glad I didn't do it as we wouldn't even have been able to get there.

MrsMook · 17/10/2015 21:03

I've got a 2 year old tornado of joy in the house. He's constantly on the go, and his specialism is running, jumping, kicking and throwing balls. His joy and euphoria at just about everything keeps us going, and he's mastered the infectiously cute smile that means we've not been banned from public places yet.

Fortunately he's not a tantrumer like his brother. On starting school recently he regressed back to the extended tantrums that he had constantly from 10m to about 3 1/2. With one of his big flash points being dressed, I've remembered why attempting to be anywhere before 11 am was logistical torture, particularly when combined with pregnancy and SPD, and a little baby (and still with SPD). Ds2 is far more articulate than Ds1 whose tantrums seemed to be connected with being a perfectionist who couldn't express himself.

So having had 2 very different 2 year olds, I'd say that it's a very polarised experience of intense frustration and joy. Much like their moods!

Qwertybynature · 17/10/2015 21:22

Maggiethemagpie you're not qualified to comment at all. You can speak for yourself and that's it. You have no idea what everyone else's experiences are and to imply they should be grateful to have children and not complain is frankly fucking insulting.

shutupanddance · 17/10/2015 21:28

I thought the title said most enjoyable I'm so glad my 4th dc who
Is the last is nearly 3. Goodbye 2s.

RascarCapac · 17/10/2015 21:38

OP, I went out for supper with my 12 year old dd this evening (DH and ds had gone out to the rugby). We had sushi, chatted, I had a glass of wine. She has just started secondary school, is doing well at a pretty academic school, she looked lovely, is a funny conversationalist and I looked at her across the table and thought "life is good".

She was categorically the worst 2 year old I have ever come across. She was murderously cross most of the time. She had asthma and eczema - cue lots of trips to Dr and hospital. She had extremely strong views about everything. She was a really terrible sleeper. My first DC was and is the most placid child in existence - even now at 15 he is so chilled he is nearly horizontal - so this was out of the blue for us. Interestingly my mum (mother of 4) and our nanny (8 squillion previous mindees) both found her pretty hard going as well.

All I'm saying is - hang in there. I actually think it doesn't get much worse than two. And the strong willed, opinionated ones make lovely teens. Wine helps.

shutupanddance · 17/10/2015 21:39

Well Maggie best not talk about anything child related on a parenting site.

BloodyDogHairs · 17/10/2015 21:40

I have a 2yr old, 3yr old, pre-teen and a teenager. I'd rather be dealing with 4 newborn babies.

Barbadosgirl · 17/10/2015 21:40

I adore my 22 month old but he is going through a hair pulling phase which is making us parents non grata at toddler groups!

Milkand2sugarsplease · 17/10/2015 21:44

2yo are EXHAUSTING!!!!!

OP - my DS has been waking up coughing since August - up to 4 times a night until we got him on a chewable tablet called Montrlukast. It's really helped - not stopped it completely but a definite improvement. He still wakes needing his blue inhaler generally once a night but it's better than 4x. He's 2.10 now and I got him to take his inhaler by letting him play with it and the spacer. He's pretty good with it now and will ask for it to help his cough.

Sorry if others have mentioned it, I didn't have chance to read every post.

Strangertides1 · 17/10/2015 21:46

I think we are just coming through the other side of the terrible time with our 3.5 year old. He's four in March. From 18 months to now he was such hard work, all you have listed and more. I found planned activities work, I know what we are doing each day. When boredom sets in hes at his worst. Preschool is also amazing, well for me anyway! It does eventually get better. Am not sure if it's because he growing up, starting to understand boundaries, is able to 'get' what good and bad behaviour is or perhaps we can just read his signs better. Anyway it gets so better that he's got a younger brother and a sister on the way! ??

urterriblemuriel · 17/10/2015 21:53

I think my 3 year old is much easier to deal with now rather than at 2. Seldom tantrums and you can reason with (ie bribe) her. It is a constant negotiation e.g If you don't clean your teeth now (after the 4th time of asking), we're not doing this....it usually works. A bit trying on my patience but I'd rather take that than hysterical exorcist like tantrums anytime

So, hopefully you'll find it gets easier too AND you'll get your 15 free childcare hours as well - hurrah!

LittleFeileFooFoo · 17/10/2015 22:43

Maggie, I feel qualified to answer you, as we struggled to have dc, and I was 42 when he was born and I can't have anymore. He is exhausting, tyrannical and lovely, he's a cross between a puppy and a goat.

Some days I wonder what the hell I was thinking, doing this to myself. But I think it's probably worth it, and he's incredibly cute, sweet smart and hilariously joyful, and that's been enough for us

Original poster

BasinHaircut · 18/10/2015 06:17

Well it's 6:15, I've already been up for an hour, and I've already used the sentence 'take the bucket off of the sofa'

OP posts:

Cliffdiver · 18/10/2015 06:36

I loved DD1 at age 2, she was speaking fluently, well behaved, loved learning, listened and obeyed most of the time.

Then she turned 3...

I now understand the phase threenager! She is like a mini hormonal monster some of the time. Goes from being a complete joy one minute to screaming and shouting the next.

Fingers crossed you'll have an easy 3yo op.

Jengnr · 18/10/2015 06:50

Mine is 2 years 9 months and is a joy......except when he isn't. Mercifully he's relatively easy because when he isn't, my god!! The screams, the shouting, the refusal to listen and just the total unreasonableness!!

He has an eight week old sister and he will NOT leave her alone. In many ways it's very sweet but ffs...let her sleep so you can watch the telly and I can load up on caffiene will ya?

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