AIBU to feel upset that I haven't had a birthday present this year?

[Chuffinknackered]

AIBU? Feeling really crappy.

I have had to ask my OH and DC not to buy me a birthday present this year.

This would all be okay apart from the fact that this happens every year. My OH insists we holiday abroad every year although we can't afford it. We always return with an overdraft. His birthday rocks up shortly afterwards and I always buy something nice for him, because I want him to feel loved. Our YS has a birthday just before mine and of course, we always make sure he has a fantastic birthday and lots of lovely things. Then, each year, my birthday rocks around shortly after and by this point, I am so anxious about the position we are in financially, that for the past 4 years, I have had to ask him not to buy me anything just so we can claw our way back into the black. This year, we had arranged a sitter so we could have a meal. We ended up with frozen pie and mash at home.

I feel absolutely worthless. I am a working mum with two very busy DS's and have NO time in the week for myself to exercise or see friends. Stick that on top of not even having a birthday present this year and I feel absolutely awful; unloved, worthless and depressed.

However, I just don't see any way out of this. We HAVE to claw our way out of this financial mess every year. The kids can't go without.

I feel like I am being selfish feeling like this.

Thanks, Can't Sleep. I think I may have just had a virtual rap on the knuckles from my lovely Mumsnet pals. Probably needed it. Time to get it sorted. x

:) and happy birthday.

I've not read the whole thread, but I did read your first message, and I feel so sad for you, it sounds like you are really down about the situation.
As mums we tend to grind ourselves down trying to do as much as we can.
You know that everything's doesn't have to be amazing for your son, try and make sure everything is ok for you all.

Also, with your husband I will give you the advice I have been given 100 times, have wages go into one account. Pay the bills that need paying.
Take what you need for other expenses, ie children's clubs, clothes bits, parking- whatever you tend to go through.

transfer an amount you are comfortable with DH spending each month. If your budget allows then tell him he needs to pay for holidays out of this. He needs to find a holiday within what can be comfortably afforded.
There's no point in having beautiful holidays then living the next 50 weeks worrying about money, then restarting the cycle again.

I think you would do better with yours and his birthdays to set a challenge of finding something nice for a tenner. DH and I rarely spend money on each others birthdays but just try and sit down for a nice meal when the kids are in bed or have a nice walk with the kids/day out/picnic etc. Our value is not shown in how much we spend on each other and never has been. Money saving expert is great.....review your utilities,your phone contracts,your mortgage deal,your bank a/c, your house and car insurance etc. Most people stick with the same all their life but you can save loads by swapping around and negotiating. And yes......give him a limit each month for fun spending as he seems unable to budget.

Not to go all LTB on you, but would you be safely in the black without the OH? He's blitzing all the cash and ruining your life. You can't just sit back and let that happen, and he's had plenty of warnings he needs to reign it in. You shouldn't be the one browsing Moneysavingexpert, going without and putting your mental health at risk because of him. You've asked for no present and he's just gone, what, "Oh OK then!"? Perhaps felt some guilt that you're skint because of him?

He's got to realise this will pull you apart.

Can't believe it. Just had a long heart to heart with OH. I have spent the afternoon researching how best to budget on moneysaving expert.com and really like the idea of piggybanking. Spoke with OH and he has finally agreed we have to start dealing with this properly and agreed that I can set up several bank accounts to manage the finances. Feel SO much better, knowing that this won't happen again. Thank you agin, you lot. I needed a wake up and I got it. xxx

Great result :) I hope it all works out!