Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

...to move kids' school again?

46 replies

MerryMarigold · 17/10/2015 09:16

We moved before the summer holidays and I was hoping to get a place in our local school after the summer holidays if people had moved etc. Sadly, that didn't happen and I was offered a place in another school, which is a 10 min drive. I have 3 kids, 2 in the same year group, so it was great they could all get in to one school. My eldest in Y5 had a very hard time for a few weeks, but last week finally found a friend. We have had him round and he seems like a nice boy. My other two are making friends and seem quite happy. The school is an Ofsted 3, and I do have some issues with the teaching, but other things compensate. The music teaching is great, the grounds and play equipment is fantastic, most kids are very nice, and I have started making friends with some of the Mums.

Yesterday I got home to a letter which says all 3 of my kids have been offered a place in the local school and I don't know what to do! Dh wants them to go to this school which is outstanding and a 10 min walk. However, he isn't the one who deals with the day to day of settling in, and we have only just settled in. I am worried about ds1 in particular who has never found it easy to find people to be friends with (the first 5 weeks of term, he literally played with no one till he found this boy he clicked with). What if he doesn't find someone? Also, this school is very much about getting kids to improve academically and lacks in any music/ performance based, plus the grounds are not as good. Teaching is good.

So WWYD? Stay at the Ofsted 3, a 10-15 min drive, fringe benefits or go to the Oftsted outstanding, walking distance and re settle all over again?

OP posts:

MrsMook · 17/10/2015 18:30

Long term, is there likely to be a difference in where the children of both schools go to secondary school? I'm just thinking of the long term security of friends and acquaintances, and whether starting more localised friendships is of benefit.

There's much more to school than OFSTED, so if you think he's over the hump of settling, I'd otherwise be tempted to leave it.

Hairyfairy01 · 17/10/2015 18:37

Have you asked them?

PegsPigs · 17/10/2015 18:44

I'd move them so they get the chance to meet more local friends and having long lasting local friendships.

DarkNavyBlue · 17/10/2015 18:57

I would move them.

GloriaHotcakes · 17/10/2015 19:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HelenaJustina · 17/10/2015 19:09

Hmmm tricky! Definitely move the little ones, harder call on your eldest. Have you asked him?

SuburbanRhonda · 17/10/2015 19:20

I wonder why an outstanding school has suddenly got three spaces, two in the same year group, and this early on in the school year? And has so few on the waiting list that they're able to offer all three spaces to you?

I know people relocate but you also hear of outstanding schools who rarely have a space, never mind three all at the same time.

I agree I would ask the year 5 child first and then take it from there.

MitziKinsky · 17/10/2015 20:01

I would ignore the ofsted and the one friend and go with which school you like best.

MitziKinsky · 17/10/2015 20:02

And two years is a long time, so I would worry about moving the DC in Y5.

I would've my DC who is in Y6 if I thought it was in her best interest.

PrimalLass · 17/10/2015 20:10

I'd move them. Your ds1 being left to his own devices in the playground for 5 weeks sounds crap, tbh.

This. If he had been happy from day 1 then it would be a different story.

IonaNE · 17/10/2015 20:18

I would move them. Improving academically will improve their chances in life far more than music and performance. You can find them after-school clubs/music tutors if any of your children wants to take that so seriously. Grounds do not matter much (definitely not on par with academics). Plus the new school is at walking distance, your children won't need to rely on their parents driving them all the time, both ways, possibly at different times (after-school clubs, etc.). Your DS will find another friend at the new school. I think your DH is right: move them.

Original poster

MerryMarigold · 17/10/2015 21:53

Thanks...

I have NO IDEA why 3 spaces came up all at once. It shocked me and I was fully prepared to stay put and was seeing all the first school's benefits. It is not a big school. Y5 is only 2 classes.

I fell in love with the local school when we looked round. The Head is fab, the teachers were totally engaged on the penultimate day of term. We have friends in the school (sadly not in my kids' year group) and they said they have always had good teachers, though they are quick to criticise the lack of creativity (in terms of singing/ music lessons/ after school clubs) so I believe the teaching is good.

I also loved the egalitarian ethos. They don't stream or separate out G & T, and yet still manage to get great results (well, when there were results...won't be anymore without SATs). It's similar to where they were before we moved, but a bit better.

A week ago, I would have jumped on this, as well as being incredibly shocked 3 places came all at once. Now, I feel like it's a week too late and I've had a taste of something else.

Ds1 does NOT want to move, because of the new friend. That alone. I asked if there is anything else, and there is not. School were not great at integrating him, but I think this school gets a lot of people through as they wait for places elsewhere so perhaps they are used to kids coming and going so the core kids don't form friendships quickly. Also, he finds it very hard to make friends and can be a bit annoying. I was delighted with the friend, as I was expecting it to take a lot longer.

In terms of secondary, we think we know where we want him to go. Not many kids in either school go there as it has a restricted intake, but there would probably be a few more from the closer school. His new friend is not going to the school he's going to.

OP posts:

woodlands01 · 17/10/2015 22:22

Move them. A week ago you would have. All those reasons you wanted the initial school are still there and should not be overlooked for one friendship that can go wrong and will not continue into secondary. Talk to new school about integration - if it is so good they will deal with it. If you do not move now in year 5 then you will miss the boat and maybe have regrets later....... you will NOT want to move in year 6.

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 17/10/2015 22:22

Think carefully OP. Can you send him to the school for a taster day, and see what he thinks?

I'm only dubious because I moved my ds to a new (much better) school in year 5, as I thought it was a better school, and we had had a few problems at his current school. It was disastrous, he hated it, it led to all sorts of problems and his eventual return to his old school. Obviously it might be completely different for your son.

It's a very difficult decision, as obviously it does sound like a move would be for the better for all of you - but that's what I thought when I moved my son. I don't envy you your decision.

LyndaNotLinda · 17/10/2015 22:39

Where do all the kids in your street go to school? I know that people who've moved here with older children have got places at school further away and have missed out on a lot of the community/walking to school thing. That's been a really important basis for friendship for the parents as well as for the kids.

As your kids have been at the other school for such a short period, I'd probably move them if it were me - I think the advantages of not having to drive outweight the disadvantages. They've not even been there half a term.

I moved schools constantly when I was a child - I had been to 5 different schools by the age of 7. It wasn't ideal but at that age, the family unit is what keeps children secure - school is fairly peripheral to their sense of self.

IguanaTail · 17/10/2015 22:46

DS is bound not to want to move. But it's your decision ultimately. A week ago, before he made the friend, presumably he would have been happy to leave. I wouldn't put all your eggs in that basket.

Original poster

MerryMarigold · 18/10/2015 09:44

It's good to hear from people who have also been through this. Still feel a bit up in the air, but I think he's going to have to move. I moved schools 6x between 8 and 13, which admittedly was pretty horrible, and I would never do that to my kids. I think even half a term more in this school and I wouldn't want to drag them away. However, it seems like 3 in the school we wanted, all at the same time is probably too good an offer to refuse.

I am going to phone tomorrow to find out how these spaces suddenly appeared. I don't want ds1 going into a school with 33 in a class or something.

In terms of a taster day, we have looked round the school (before there was 'no space' and we had to go elsewhere) and they all really liked it, partly because they know 2 kids there already. I think it would be so difficult to assess it on a taster though. His first day at the other school was great and then it went downhill till last week. Alternatively, it could be awful if he's decided not to like it. Not really a reflection of what it will be in 6 months.

Greenwood, what did your ds dislike and how long did he stay?

OP posts:

TheHouseOnTheLane · 18/10/2015 09:47

Move them. Been there, done that. They will be fine.

Gileswithachainsaw · 18/10/2015 09:55

I'd move them. 20 min drive is t far but trust me I do a "10 min" drive and with traffic it can be two or three times that and parking...

5 weeks to make one friend? they made zero effort to get him settled. Dds best friend at school was a new girl and they have been inseparable from the day she started.

I'd go and view school first if course but I'd take a decent school over music teaching any day

Wishfulmakeupping · 18/10/2015 10:02

I would move them too.
The new school will be more local so lots more chances to get to know other children nearby when they are old enough to 'play out' or more play dates over summer local parks etc.
The new school is outstanding now- yes that could change but at this moment in time it has qualities better than the one they are at.
Your DCs have not been at the other one long they will meet new friends as will you- I would speak to staff at new school as your main concern is about your older dc being isolated if they don't make friends straight away- the school can help with this.
Honestly I would move them straightaway.

jeee · 18/10/2015 10:10

Are either of the schools feeders for secondary schools? Assuming this isn't a factor, I'd move them - largely because reading your posts, this seems to be what your gut is telling you to do.

Flip

1 2