DS13 (SN) challenged to fight after school.

[HorribleMotherCo]

Just had a call from DSs school informing me that he was involved in a fight after school outside of school premises. A member of the public went into the school at 4.15pm with pictures taken on their mobile phone.

DS was supposed to go to swim club after school and I went to pick him at 4pm. I noticed immediately that his hair was dry and after insisting he had been but his hair dried in the wind , he admitted he hadn't been. He'd hung out with his friends in the forest area behind the school so he said.

Got call at 6pm telling me had been involved in a fight. Apparently 8 boys were caught on camera. School said another boy had thrown a punch at my DS and he had then pushed him to the ground. They said he would be banned from a theme park trip tomorrow as a consequence, which I have paid quite a bit for.

DS has said that he was challenged to a fight by this boy and was told by the others that he had to fight him. He took it as a joke. When he put the boy on the ground, another boy punched him in the head (he has a slight red mark) and another one then kicked him. Afterwards these boys ran off and DS walked back into the school for me to pick him up without saying anything to me.

DS has an IQ of 70 and has been diagnosed with a borderline learning disability with memory issues. He has been in trouble with at school for poor behaviour like shouting out in class several times, he has been punished for calling other boys names although he maintained that they take the piss out of him because he is in the lowest school set (remedial basically) and he doesn't understand their social ques. I have constantly reminded school of his 'issues' but they seem intent on treating him the same as an NT child. I had to fight to get him in the remedial class as he could not keep up in the lowest set. I have been refused a statement as his academic level is not low enough.

I am quite pissed off actually that he has been banned from the trip even though school have said that DS did not throw the first punch. They have said it will be investigated next week and they were concerned after seeing the pictures that DS may be hurt. I know he should not have accepted the challenge but he does not think like an NT kid. He is also the tallest in the year group and it seems the smaller kids want to fight him to prove themselves .

I am considering reporting it to the police as I worry the school will just blame DS. AIBU?

It doesn't matter if he threw the first punch or not, there were 8 of them fighting in a forest. The school can't condone any of them getting to go on a trip after that.

The fact that he was part of the fight and joined in.. That's enough for me, despite his difficulties.. All 8 of them should be equally punished

Repost in special needs. You will get far better advice.sounds like ds needs a lot more support than the school is providing.
It also (to me anyway) sounds like he was the victim in this situation even if he was fighting back. Kids aren't soft, they know exactly what reaction they are going to get. That's why they do it.

I agree he needs more support. I'm also wondering if he's really able to go to swimming himself and maybe you need to take him?

I don't think the school is doing enough to protect him from these situations. He should be getting more help and support. I think with an IQ of 70 he may be entitled to some more help, you need to get some more advice on this.

Who refused you a statement? The school or the LA?
I don't think yabu at all, he was clearly manipulated and pushed into a situation that he didn't understand. Okay he shouldn't be fighting but it sounds like he needs a hell of a lot more support than he is getting and for that the school are at fault.

Post in special needs; AIBU is full of people who have no understanding of SN whatsoever and will just blindly say "Nope, they were all involved, they should all be punished".

It really sounds like he isn't getting support, and he shouldn't have been banned from the trip.

I have been refused a statement as his academic level is not low enough.

This is bullshit and you need to challenge it. My almost 12yo is extremely bright and has had a statement, now an EHCP, since he was in reception.

It's not just academic stuff that an EHCP (or statement, in the past) is based on. It can also be based on lack of progress in terms of behaviour and socially. Your DS is clearly very vulnerable and will become more so as other kids get older, stronger, less innocent and more prone to macho displays of bravado.

Ask for your OP to be moved to either SN children or SN chat (it will disappear from there, like normal chat, if you don't want anyone finding it in the long term, but isn't much good if you hope to refer back to it.)

Sorry, just been out to drop him to Air Cadets. The LA refused him a statement. They did state this attainment was within the average range and that is why they wouldn't accept it.

I will repost in SN. Thank you all.