To not know what to do about saving for dd

[DisneyMillie]

I'm really unsure what to do and was after some opinions....

DD6 is my child from previous marriage. Her dad has a super fantastic job and as such pays very good child maintenance (I'm not grabby - it's less than he'd pay by legal rights, all very amicable and his suggested amount). Anyway since it's more than we need to raise her we put £500 a month into savings that I intend to give her when she's older to help with buying a house.

However I'm now pregnant with my DP and although we're perfectly comfortable we can't realistically afford to put the same away for our future DC.

Whilst I appreciate my ex-h maintenance is for my DD it somehow feels wrong to set one child up and not the other (and equally wrong to use ex-h money to partly fund new child)

What would you do?

Ask him to put the £500 himself into savings.

It would be very wrong to use it for another child.

I would just carry on as you are and save what you can for the new baby. Its not a case of you saving for one child and not the other, your DD's Dad is essentially setting her up, not you.
My older two children were given money from an inheritance before the younger two were born.
My second and third have money from the CTF voucher the first and third don't have.
We have been able to save a larger amount from day one for the younger two than we could for the older two.
It's just the way things go sometimes.

But surely if it is money from xh then you putting it aside is your xh funding dd's future? Not you. That isn't unfair to your next dc. Different dads means it is inevitable your dd will sometimes receive additional gifts/separate holidays etc. As long as you treat both kids fairly from your income should it matter that dd's dad gives her a start in life?

Oh and you would want to make it clear when your dcs are older that dd's fund came from her dad. Your other dcs cannot see that as unfair.

I wonder if you add up the cost of lost working hours, larger house to accommodate child having to take holidays in the school holidays when everything is three times the price etc..it really is all "Bonus money"
so You're ex is being generous - he is paying you sufficient that your lifestyle is not being substantially financially compromised by raising a child

and then - out of a different pot
you are saving money out of general family funds for - first you one, and then both your children

I dont see why you have identified this money as being the money he gives you as opposed to the money you are for instance - not spending on a second / third holiday every year ?

It's your ex h money for his dd, nothing to do with whatever future children you have without him.

I suppose that's the only way. In an ideal world I'd probably go with the idea of asking him to save the money for her but I'm 99% sure in reality that wouldn't happen and the money would just be spent. (We have very different views on saving / spending)

I guess I'm thinking of it from the point of view that in theory I could spend all the money he gives on our life (obviously I'm not saying I would and don't) but instead I'm choosing to save for her. Therefore I'm making a conscious decision to treat her differently and feel a little guilty.

I think we'll probably have to try and save the same amount for second child ourselves and just might take longer to get there (ie DD gets £60k or whatever at 18 but DC gets the same over time)

I do see it a bit like how 665 said too but am torn as I don't ever want to feel I'm taking advantage of ex-h.

If you got child benefit..£27 - and you were able to save £ 27 per month for your child, is it that you are saving your child benefit ?- or did you shop around for a really good deal on your power bills - spend a little less at the supermarket and go without expensive face cream..and therefore - coincidentally have a surplus which matches your one of your income streams ?

It isn't really your DD money is it, it is in part for things for her but in essence it is for food,roof over her head etc.
This to me then becomes 'family' money and as long as DD doesn't go without (which I can't imagine she does) I would put all excess money in one savings account in your name and then when the children are of a age to want deposits etc give them what you can.
I wouldn't ever, ever treat 2 of my children differently regardless of parentage.
I say this as a Mum to DS and step Mum to DSS, they both will have equal.