To think we are becoming overly publicly sentimental over Shoreham air crash bridge

[MrsRossPoldark]

More of a general one but specifically in relation to the ribboned bridge tribute to the Shoreham air crash.

Have we become so obsessed with competing for the most public display of empathy, that we have lost any sense that actually, we don't know the people involved in the tragedy? So much so, that the council have been branded 'heartless' for wanting to remove the ribbons from the road bridge.

Yes it was awful, and yes, I feel for the bereaved, but they aren't the relatives of most of the people tying ribbons, the bridge has nothing to do with the rest of us and it was weeks ago now, so can't we stop pretending that we are empathising with those who were bereaved in such a shocking way. Why do we feel the need to continually berate those who are branded heartless for not empathising in public sufficiently. Surely, by keeping this roadside shrine, all we are doing is reminding the bereaved every day and thus not allowing them to grieve in their own way and we are not helping them to move on.

Ultimately, aren't we being selfish as it makes us feel good to be empathising publicly and that lets us off facing the fact that there are families involved directly who don't need another public ribbon. We feel for them, they know we aren't heartless, but we shouldn't need to feel that by not publicly empathising, we are, by default, being heartless?

"They do need to move on at some point"?!?

Ignore that last question, it's clear that you absolutely cannot empathise at all.

"They do need to move on at some point"?!?

Ignore that last question, it's clear that you absolutely cannot empathise at all.

You're expecting grieving people to Move on ?

classic.

Crass thread.

are you happy to have posts like Realitycheques supporting you?

That would make me cringe.

''they aren't the relatives of most of the people tying ribbons, the bridge has nothing to do with the rest of us and it was weeks ago now''

''by keeping this roadside shrine, all we are doing is reminding the bereaved every day and thus not allowing them to grieve in their own way''

''we shouldn't need to feel that by not publicly empathising, we are, by default, being heartless''

Do you feel heartless OP? Are you being made to feel heartless by other peoples physical demonstrations of empathy and sorrow? I'm afraid that's your own problem.

As for the first two points: well, actually i don't know where to begin! Nothing to do with the rest of us ... Weeks ago ... allow ''them'' to grieve in their own way .... stiff upper lip then, ay? It's all done and dusted

Shoreham is a small, quiet place.

What happened was a Bloody Shock, and it's not something people will forget easily.

I think op you may work for a local authority or something similar, since you are insisting on holding them up as a paragon of clear thinking sense and virtue. I have attended lots of these kinds of public authority meetings in a professional capacity and they are not the civilised affair you seem intent on portraying - many members are interested only in back biting, protecting their own interests and sneeringly laughing at the stupidity of the public who dare to question their judgement. They are rarely truly representative of the general public, nor do they reflect their wants or needs. I think in this case their ultimate response is the right call, but it's not because they're virtuous, it's because they've received negative coverage and it's all about appearance. I imagine they were caught totally off guard by the strength of public feeling.

Out of interest, those who think they should stay up, when do you think the ribbons should come down? Presumably they will have to come down eventually, and someone's going to have to make that difficult decision, so how long should tributes like that be left?

the original ones have been taken down and preserved.
its only been weeks for heavens sakes

Surely, by keeping this roadside shrine, all we are doing is reminding the bereaved every day and thus not allowing them to grieve in their own way and we are not helping them to move on.

Yeah, if it weren't for those pesky ribbons, those relatives would be able to drive past without a thought of their friends and family who died barely three and a half weeks ago.

The people involved will never 'move on', that is a truly horrific thing to say

There is a plan to organize a permanent memorial for those who lost their lives, entirely as it should be and the bridge, which became a focal point for people after the tragedy is the wholly appropriate location for that.

I think the council have acknowledged people's wishes and agreed the ribbons will remain until after the memorial. I personally think that is a measured and respectful response from them.

Ribbons or not, no one local can go over that bridge or drive along that stretch of road without recalling the horror of that day!

OK - last post as I'm getting sick of being branded as a heartless unemotional bitch by some MNers on here. Just a few responses to various snide comments.

I have never once suggested that any of the bereaved forgets their lost ones, nor that we don't learn lessons from the awful events, so that it never happens again. That's the purpose of a permanent memorial, which is what is planned. The meaning of the phrase "to move on" does not equal "forget". It does imply that you do have to carry on despite what's happened. You may need help to do so, and it will be hard, but you have to.

No, I don't work for a LA and am perfectly capable of crying thanks very much - I even cried when watching footage of the Shoreham crash on TV the day it happened [though you'd never know from the posts being put out here, as apparently if I express an opinion that doesn't match yours, that makes me incapable of empathy].

No-one can put a timescale on how long someone grieves for. They will always be bereaved. But someone has to make difficult decisions over when a temporary memorial comes down, regardless of whether a permanent one is planned.

Some ideas for threads are better left just as thoughts.

Thanks for singling me out, Fanjo.

Which part of my post is incorrect? because opinion other than your own is wrong, eh?

Jeez what a crappy thread
I'm sure the bereaved will be thrilled to be told to "move on"

Why not just make the digs without crossing them out?

Be proudly bitchy. Own it.

I can see where the OP is coming from sort of...

We had an awful road accident in my local town some years ago where two sisters were killed. They were pedestrians on the pavement and a car ploughed into them. Both were killed instantly and it was a horrible thing to happen, people were shocked and upset but nothing compared to their family.
The family maintained a massive shrine where the girls had died. It was obviously something which helped them deal with their grief. However after 10 years and several near misses and accidents (people distracted by the shrine) the council offered to place a permanent memorial near to where the girls died. It's much more low key and the increased accidents have stopped.

I think the family needed to be able to maintain their makeshift memorial for a good while though. I seriously doubt they would have been happy if mere weeks after the accident they were being told not to continue.